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125 Baddie Comebacks To Unleash Your Inner Savage

If someone is taunting you, it's always encouraged to be the bigger person. Walk away with your head held high, and don't engage in the antics. But, sometimes we need to stand our ground—and having a list of baddie comebacks fresh in your brain will make sure you leave any argument with a win. 

Parade's collected 125 epic responses to use in a fight that are appropriate for any insult flung your way. It doesn't matter if the perpetrator insults a family member, your personal intelligence or the clothes you're wearing. These baddie comebacks are appropriate for any situation.

Stick up for yourself and be savage! Don't let people walk all over you, no matter if they are work colleagues, acquaintances or close friends. Equip yourself with these baddie comebacks to win any argument. 

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125 Baddie Comebacks in an Argument

1. Where's your off button? 

2. I'll never forget the first time we met, but I'll keep trying. 

3. I'd fight you, but that would be animal abuse. 

4. I feel bad for you. Seek help.

5. If you're waiting for me to care, you might be here a while.

6. Jealousy is a disease, get well soon. 

7. Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.

8. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were an expert in everything.

9. You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. 

10. Somewhere out there, there’s a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe. I think you should go and apologize to it.

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11. I get so emotional when you're not around. The emotion is happiness, by the way. 

12. I bet you couldn't get a real job if your life depended on it. 

13. Hold still. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

14. I'm not arguing; I'm just explaining why I'm right in a way you can understand.

15. The jerk store called. They ran out of you. 

16. I'm sorry you got offended the one time you were treated the exact way you treat everyone all the time. 

17. Yes, I talk like an idiot. How else would you understand me? 

18. The main thing I don't like about you is your constant inhaling and exhaling habit.

19. It's okay if you disagree with me, I can't force you to be right. 

20. Here's the problem with your face—I can see it.

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21. I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

22. Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be out there all alone. 

23. You have less taste than an unsalted pretzel. 

24. I found your nose. It was in my business again. 

25. People clap when they see you—they clap their hands over their eyes, that is.

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26. Your mouth is so foul! Should I offer you a tic-tac or toilet paper? 

27. I don't have the time or the crayons to explain this all to you.

28. I didn't think it was possible to give me more reasons to hate you until today. 

29. Did God make you with his eyes closed?

30. Did I invite you to my barbecue? Then why are you all up in my grill?

31.  Your lips keep moving but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.

32. I've found puddles deeper than you.

33. The zoo called. They're wondering how you got out of your cage. 

34. If you ran like you ran your mouth, you'd actually be in good shape. 

35. I guess if you actually ever spoke your mind, you’d really be speechless.

36. You have the face of a saint. A Saint Bernard, that is.

37. Cry me a river and drown yourself in it.

38. Please move away from the sunlight. I hate the smell of burning plastic.

39. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

40. Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck. Don't dish out what you can't take in return.

41. You’re such a beautiful, intelligent and wonderful person. Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.

42. You are so fake, even China denied they made you.

43. Please, save your breath. You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.

44. You are more disappointing than a wet sandwich.

45. You have the perfect face for radio.

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46. You look like something I'd draw with my left hand.

47. 1 universe, 8 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 196 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you.

48. I hope that bus you threw me under swerves and hits you on the sidewalk.

49. Yes, I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.50.

51. You grow on people like a wart.

52. People like you are the reason I'm on medication.

53. You're so ugly that as soon as your mother went into labor, all of the hospital staff went on strike.

54. The trash gets picked up tomorrow, be ready.

55. I’d say you’re dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open.

56. I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I keep to myself.

57. I wish I had a flip phone, so I could slam it shut on this conversation.

58. You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room. But, still.

59. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.

60. I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

61. Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh, either.

62. I’d rather treat a baby’s diaper rash than be around you.

63. Hey, you have something on your chin. No, the third one down.

64. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

65. You’re cute. Like my dog. He also chases his tail for entertainment.

66. You are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

67. I do not consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

68. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

69. I would never date you. I’m lonely, not desperate.

70. Bye. Hope to see you never.

71. You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around, but once you leave.

72. When was the last time you brushed your teeth?

73. Mister Rogers would be disappointed in you.

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74. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.

75. If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.

76. You're so full of crap, the toilet is jealous.

77. Who ordered the mouth breather?

78. Is that a scar on your face? My bad, it’s just your mouth.

79. You have an old soul. Come to think of it, your face is old, too.

80. I don't know whether to laugh at you or pity you.

81. I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.

82. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.

83. One day, I hope you’ll choke on the crap you talk.

84. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

85. Talk is cheap, but then again – so are you.

86. Hey, where’d you get that nose? It’s a “before” picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isn’t it?

87. The person who told you to be yourself gave you some bad advice.

88. I used to think you were a pain in the neck. Now, I have a much lower opinion of you.

89. If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay in the yard.

90. Opposites attract, right? Then I hope you find someone who’s good-looking, honest, smart and cultured.

91. You're about as sharp as a bowling ball.

92. Don’t try to think too hard. You’re so stupid it might sprain your brain.

93. Is it your job to spread ignorance? Because you seem highly qualified.

94. You should eat some of that makeup so you can be pretty on the inside.

95. "You're weird." Response: Honey, I'm limited edition.

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96. "You never smile." Response: I do, just not around you.

97. "You smell bad." Response: And you smell like hot dog water.

98. "I hate you." Response: I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.

99. "You know nothing." Response:  I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.

100. "You're so annoying." Response: So is everything that comes out of your mouth.

101. "I don't like you." Response: That's a shame, my middle finger seems to like you.

102. "You made a mistake." Response: If you want to talk about mistakes, then just talk to your parents.

103. "I can't stand you." Response: Then sit down.

104. "What are you looking at?" Response: Pure dissapointment.

105. "Shutup." Response: You're the one that keeps talking.

106. "Your face annoys me." Response: If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents.

107. "I don't care." Response: Then why are you listening?

108. "You're adopted." Response: At least someone wanted me.

109. "Your life seems like a horror story." Response: Probably because you're in it.

110. "Why are you so quiet?" Response: I don't waste my time on people like you.

111. "Nobody likes you." Response: I'm not responsible for their bad taste.

112. "You're so dumb." Response: Well if you were so smart, you'd know when to shutup.

113. "Aw, are you going to cry?" Response: Yes, because your breath smells like onions.

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114. "Get a life." Response: Like yours? Nah, I'll pass.

115. "You're a nerd." Response: I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter than you.

116. "I'm right." Response: I'd agree, but then we'd both be wrong.

117. "You're stupid." Response: I guess you're rubbing off on me.

118. "You're short." Response: Dynamite comes in small packages.

119. "You have a big forehead." Response: Yeah, because I actually have a brain. 

120. "You've changed." Response: No, I simply stopped acting the way you wanted me to.

121. "You're boring." Response: And what makes you so interesting?

122. "You look ugly." Response: Good, I was trying to look like you today.

123. "You're so quiet." Response: I know, people like you aren't worth talking to.

124. "Are you talking back to me?" Response: Well, yeah. That's how communication works.

125. "You're pale." Response: I'd rather be pale than look like I rolled around in Doritos.

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