Make the first time count

By Gemma Clarke, Mary Cook and Siski Green

THE FIRST MEETING

Play your hand
Or stick one behind your head. More than any other move, this says, “I’m comfortable in my body and with you.”

Think about when your boss leans back at his desk and puts one hand behind his head; it’s a way of showing confidence. And, hopefully unlike the scenario involving the hands that control your pay rises, the gesture also conveys attraction.

“When a man is interested in a woman he usually adjusts himself.

It might be in the form of loosening his tie, pulling on his shirt or running his hands through his hair,” says psychosexual therapist Vicki Ford, author of Overcoming Sexual Problems.

“But raising his arm to ‘play’ with the hair on the back of his neck exposes his vulnerable underarm and emits a good dose of his male scent into the bargain, making this move the sexiest,” she advises. Just make sure you shower first.

THE FIRST KISS

Touch and slow
Four lips, two tongues and about 30 teeth – it’s no wonder kissing can be tricky.

Rather than sending her into the arms of her orthodontist, move very slowly and bring your hands into play.

“Where you place your hands tells her a lot about how you feel,” says Ford.“One hand on her neck is quite controlling, but passionate; cupping her face is emotionally intense; in her hair is sexy; and on her waist is arousing, especially if you pull her gently towards you.”

Location, location
That first kiss will be much more memorable if you do it somewhere different.

“Although you won’t always be able to find that perfect spot, sometimes opportunities present themselves,” says sex education writer, David Strovny.

“If you learn to take full advantage of these situations, you may imprint the moment on the girl’s psyche forever,”

Some winning places: in busy train stations, on the dance floor or in the rain.

“Kissing in a crowded place conveys passion and urgency – as though you can’t wait until you get a private moment,” says relationship psychologist Susan Quiliam.

“Lip locking while dancing is incredibly sexual and her heart rate is already up, making her more excited. Kissing in the rain says, ‘I don’t care about the weather, I just want to kiss you’, which is very sexy.”

THE FIRST TIME BACK AT YOURS

Mark your territory
Your home reflects your personal style and grooming, so make sure it’s more penthouse than outhouse.

“Forget air fresheners, which will overpower her more sensitive sense of smell,” advises Dr Pam Spurr, author of Sinful Sex.

“Instead, tidy, vacuum and open the windows for an hour or so. This will clear any stagnant odours and increase the amount of oxygen in the room, so she won’t feel sleepy.”

Buy some flowers. “The floral scent activates the emotional part of her brain, generating happy thoughts,” says Daniel Amen, psychiatrist and author of Making a Good Brain Great.

Follow her nose
Offer her a drink, but don’t rush into conversation. “Leave her in the living room while you get her a drink. That gives her time to take in her surrounds and glance at magazines, books or artwork,” offers Quiliam.

Assuming you hid the stack of Girls and Ammo, by the time you hand her a drink, she’ll feel more relaxed.

“She’ll have something to talk about – a book or CD she likes, perhaps – and conversation will flow more naturally.”

THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE SEX – SOBER

Morning glory
Luckily, the time when you’re least likely to be inebriated is also the best time to enjoy a non-liquid-fuelled fumble.

“The best time for sober sex is when you wake up,” explains Cecelia Crooke, relationship counsellor.

“You’re not quite in the real world yet, so you’re not alert enough to be nervous,” she adds. Wake-up calls don’t get much sweeter.

Sweat it out
If it’s an evening liaison, go to the gym beforehand to boost your confidence.

A recent study from the University of Queensland found exercise increases levels of serotonin in the brain. The chemical boosts psychological wellbeing and also adds pleasure to orgasms.

“Good sex is all about being relaxed with someone,” says Ford. “The more confident you feel, the better sex will be for both of you.”