Yahoo Lifestyle Romance and love in the time of Tinder
Once upon a time...
Just kidding, nobody believes those stories anymore. Let’s get real. Romance today has little to do with knights on horseback or cliche movies starring Vince Vaughn. Although some might say it’s in danger of becoming extinct faster than you can say “next” with a left-swipe on your Tinder app, we think it’s time for an update. Because without romance there’s no slow dancing, no sexy midnight texts saved in your phone, no champagne and high heels, no Gone with the Wind. So we asked a bunch of writers how you can inject some good ol’ fashioned goosebumps back into your life, whether you’re speed-dating or celebrating your eighth anniversary.
How to be romantic online
People like to say money makes the world go round, but the truth is our desire to connect with those around us is the underlying motivation behind almost everything we do. Romance is not an outdated concept. People are busier than ever, but our innate need and desire to meet new people is at an all-time high. Tinder is an effective way to satisfy that need, whether it be in the context of dating or friendship. It’s all about connecting with people who you want to know.
Today, most people are using it in the context of dating, but soon even married people will be using Tinder to connect with new people. Everyone wants to feel special. Tinder shortcuts old ways of wooing a potential partner, and champions the art of instant messaging as a way to pique someone’s interest. Make sure to tailor each message to the person you are speaking to – perhaps comment about something in their photos, or a mutual friend, or a common interest. Pick-up lines usually don’t work in bars and cafes... why would you expect them to work on Tinder? There isn’t a day that goes by without us hearing about a marriage proposal beginning with Tinder’s “it’s a match” screen. And I think every story that leads to “happily ever after” is pretty damn romantic. - Justin Mateen, co-founder and CMO of dating app Tinder
How to be romantic for the first time
Welcome to romance in the 21st century! Today, we’re able to hire a plane to write a message in the sky, choreograph flash mobs and declare our love to thousands online. Yet we’re finding romance harder to find and scarcer than ever. Why? Because the lines are blurred (no, not in the Robin Thicke way). Many women are hung up on that old-fashioned idea of romance, where it was mostly up to men, and we’re stuck on the “right” way to be romantic. But we’re evolving in every other aspect of our lives, so why don’t we embrace evolving romance?
To bridge the gap between old-fashioned Gene Kelly-style romance and modern romance, it’s still about asking and acting upon one simple question: “What can I do to make my partner feel special?” Don’t wait for him to buy you tickets to the ballet or whatever your idea of romance is. (Although if you are waiting for him, tell your partner what you would like, rather than just hinting, which seldom ends well.) Love is constant; romance is like your iPhone – it needs recharging. Here’s how to make your partner feel romanced:
Seduce him. Go all 1950s and surprise your bloke with his favourite food, a cold beer and a glimpse of lingerie peeking out from under your blouse with a cheeky look in your eye.
Do something unselfish. Nothing is more romantic than when you show him that you know what he wants and likes. So buy tickets to a UFC event and go with him, if that’s what he loves.
Re-create a hot memory. Revisit the place you first kissed or write the story of your first date/first meeting and give it to him.
Be adventurous. Shoot boring in the bum. It can be as simple as going go-karting together. And if you have kids, give them to your parents and go out for a child-free weekend together; hang out as friends and lovers. That’s where the romance sits. - Samantha Krajina, managing director of Relationship Rocketscience and author of ebooks The Dating Wingman and Confessions of a Relationship Specialist
How to be romantic during sex
People often assume romance is separate from sex – that it’s what gets you to the sex. That’s why it disappears from long-term relationships; once the sex is free flowing, people get lazy, only trotting it out on date nights or Valentine’s Day. But this is 2014, people! Romance can be dirty, and it can be sexy. And it can and should be inseparable from your sex life. Here are some romantically dirty ways to make things exciting:
Kiss in the car like teenagers. Remember how you used to kiss when you were 16, like you were melding souls with that boy from school? You didn’t just kiss for five seconds as a way to say, “Wanna do it?” – you locked mouths like there was nothing you’d rather be doing. Why should teens have all the fun? Try making out for 10 full minutes, then tell us you’re not swooning like it’s first love all over again.
Take the scenic route. We all take shortcuts and go straight for the moves we know our partner loves. Instead, go a new way around their body and pay attention to every inch of it. Taking the time to notice your partner in this way is the essence of romance.
Write a lust letter. In the age of texting, 140 characters and heart-eyes emoticons, handwriting and some good stationery is inherently romantic. Just the fact that someone took the time to put pen to paper is swoon-worthy! And the more specific, the better. Tell your partner exactly what it is you love about their body or describe a favourite dirty memory. Make it sexy, make it personal and then put a stamp on it and post it to them.
Share your toy chest. Sex toy design has improved a lot over the past decade, especially with toys that couples can use together. Sure, you may not consider a vibrating ring romantic, but how about a sensual feather duster or a soft rubber whip to tease each other with? These toys are designed to help you linger over each other’s bodies during sex, and there’s nothing more romantic than that. - Em & Lo, sex and relationship writers at Em and Lo and authors of 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.
