What your sexual fantasies mean

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Fact: fantasising – during masturbation and sex – boosts your satisfaction.

And turning those frisky imaginings into real-life sex can work magic on your health, too – research in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found those who engage in BDSM seem to be psychologically healthier, most likely because being open to your sexual kinks increases self-acceptance.

But WH sex expert Jacqueline Hellyer says just because you enjoy fantasising about, say, an orgy, doesn’t mean you need to actually throw your keys into a bowl. “That said, it can give you insights,” she says. So take our quiz to help unlock your fantasy profile...

1 Which fantasy character do you find the sexiest?

A) A vampire
B) A slave
C) Someone outside your usual gender preference
D) A stripper
E) Why just one? A few of the above

2 Which activity turns you on?

A) Wearing handcuffs
B) Handcuffing a partner
C) Wearing a strap-on
D) Watching or being watched
E) Being penetrated or touched all over your body

3 Which setting appears in your fantasies?

A) Christian Grey’s apartment
B) A female domination club
C) An orgy
D) A strip club
E) A swingers’ club

4 Which of these would you say feature most often in your fantasies?

A) Fear
B) Anger
C) Experimentation
D) Observation
E) Hedonism

5 Which of these characters would you feel sexiest dressed as?

A) A geisha
B) Catwoman
C) James Bond
D) Burlesque dancer
E) Porn star

6 Which of these lines, from a partner, do you find arousing?

A) “You’re mine and I’ll do what I want to you.”
B) “Whatever you say, Mistress.”
C) “I don’t want to judge you. I just want you.”
D) “I love watching you.”
E) “Can my friend join us?”

What’s your fantasy blueprint?

Count your ticks – if you have three or more for any one category (A to E), they are central to your fantasy profile…

A. Submission Psychotherapist Dr Brett Kahr, author of the largest study on sexual fantasy, found more than a third of people have submissive fantasies. Psychologists say it’s about a desire to relinquish control, with University of Sussex research finding it common among “controlling” women.

You (might) love Fluffy Love Cuffs ($55, Max Black). “These are good for beginners because they have a strong but supple suede clasp with a super-soft faux-fur lining,” says Sonya Sirny, boudoir expert at Max Black adult store. Get more ideas with the app Kindu, where you rate a variety of adventures and it compiles a list of things you might enjoy. And google pics of Jamie Dornan for inspo.

B. Domination Women with dominant fantasies tend to feel anxious about losing control, says Professor Zoltan Dienes, an expert in unconscious desires. Utilising these fantasies can make you feel powerful inside and outside the bedroom – tied and tested. And don’t forget that link between BDSM and good mental health.

You (might) love To give a good spanking; try a Fur-Lined Pleasure Paddle ($75, Max Black). “Most paddles have a double layer of stitched leather that’s quite hard – a little too harsh for beginners,” says Sirny. “But this one can deliver a sting with one side and a soft, sensual spanking with the other.” Then all you need is a naughty boy.

C. Same sex This might be fantasising you are a man or fantasising about someone of the same sex, even though you’re straight. Sexual researcher Dr Lisa Diamond, author of Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire, says terms like heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual are too rigid, since sexuality is fluid. In fact, about a quarter of straight people fantasise about same-sex liaisons.

You (might) love A strap-on. You heard right. “[You’ll] need a harness to hold the toy, and a toy made of phthalate-free materials; stick to silicone if you have sensitivities,” says Sirny. The Tantus Bend Over Beginner Harness Kit ($135, Max Black) gives you both.

D. Exhibitionism Kahr’s research suggests that exhibitionist fantasies often express a masochistic desire to get caught in the act and be punished. But they can also be a way to feel “seen” if someone feels invisible. George Michael must have been aiming for the former, we s’pose.

You (might) love Making a movie. MLNP.tv (Make Love Not Porn) is a site where users pay to upload their own film, and can watch other people’s videos, too. The revenue is split between contributors and the site. Just remember to cover your ID, in case Kevin from IT recognises you.

E. Group sex Group-sex fantasies allow scope for more diverse stimulation – more hands, tongues and limbs. A fifth of people in Kahr’s study had fantasies about orgies, and 35 per cent of those fantasised about sex with two or more women. Eager beavers.

You (might) love A swingers’ club. “If you have a partner, make sure you’re both on the same page,” says Hellyer. “Be clear about why you want to try it, your fears and what to do if either of you gets uncomfortable. You have to be a team.” Or check out sites like Adult Match Maker to find singles and couples to have fun with. Just ensure HungLikeHefner isn’t Kevin from IT.

If you answered...

A. A stripper
B. Watched or being watched
C. A strip club
D. A burlesque
...then go straight to exhibitionism

Hot tip

Don’t worry if you want to go all Fifty Shades on your boyfriend – a little spank will release endorphins that kick in as a natural painkiller.

Emily Dubberley is the author of Garden of Desires: The Evolution of Women’s Sexual Fantasies.