Yahoo Lifestyle Woman Says Boyfriend's Concern About Their 3-Year 'Age Gap' Led to Breakup After She Turned 30
"Now that he was ... getting serious about planning his life, he wasn't sure if he should be with someone older," she wrote
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A Reddit user says she broke up with her boyfriend after he took issue with their three-year age gap in their relationshipA woman is sharing how she broke up with her significant other over his issues with their age difference of a few years — and she only realized he had concerns after some of his friends made jokes about it at her birthday party, she says.
In a post on the “Am I Overreacting” subreddit, the anonymous 31-year-old user wrote that she decided to end things with her 28-year-old boyfriend after he recently revealed that that he had grown “uncomfortable” with their three-year age difference.
As the Reddit user tells it, she and her then-partner were “well aware” of the gap when they first met on a dating app nearly four years ago. But once she turned 30, things changed, the woman wrote.
The age of 30 was seemingly too “serious” for her boyfriend and “made him feel anxious about life," according to her.
The woman wrote that her ex "wondered if I hadn't taken advantage of him at the beginning of our relationship and used the “inherent” power difference in their relationship against him — even though they apparently did not work the same corporate jobs and lived separately until recently.
"He also said that when he was younger the idea of dating an older woman seemed hot but now that he was older and getting serious about planning his life, he wasn't sure if he should be with someone older," she wrote.
This only came to light after her birthday party last weekend, when some of her boyfriend's friends "began calling me a 'cougar' or 'mommy' and saying they didn't expect the 'old lady' to be so hot," she wrote. "One of them mentioned something about not understanding what my ex's 'issue' was since I "still looked good for [my] age."
She subsequently confronted him about it and "he essentially admitted that ever since I had turned thirty he had suddenly become uncomfortable with our age difference," she wrote — even though they had lived together for a year and discussed marriage.
When she broke up with him, he reacted by saying it was “crazy” to end their relationship over what he felt were common “uncertainties” and also felt it was normal to have a change in perspective “once marriage is on the table," according to her.
She also noted that he had told her "he still loved me and thought I was the only one for me."
And so she asked if she had gone too far in breaking up.
Many commenters were not convinced that the couple’s age gap was the problem — or that there was even a problematic “age gap” between the two at all. Some felt the boyfriend was seeking an excuse to end the relationship.
“There's no age gap. Things [are] getting serious, he's getting scared and wishy washy,” wrote one user, adding, “good on [the poster] for breaking it off.”
Another commenter wrote that age was not the issue but rather maturity. They raised red flags about how the boyfriend approached his issues with the relationship, according to the woman — by telling his golf friends about his concerns before expressing them to his significant other.
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“If he’s felt like this for a year and was able to tell his golf friends but not you then maybe he’s not grown up enough to be in a relationship let alone one talking about marriage,” the commenter wrote.
Others weighed in on the double standard of aging.
“The magic threshold where a woman turns into a block of cheese at 30,” one commenter wrote, “She’s basically valueless now … And at 29 she wasn’t.”
Another user added, “these people are just using the age gap to imply women are old and should stay forever young.”
Ultimately, many of the commenters agreed that it was time for the Redditor to move on. “You shouldn't waste any more time with the wrong person,” one wrote, “it's just postponing the possibility of meeting the right person.”
Others praised the woman for recognizing it was time to step away from the relationship. “You shouldn’t have to convince someone to love you,” a user wrote, “and I’m so glad you seem to already know that.”
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