Woman Complains Being a Bridesmaid Is 'Financial Burden' as Weddings Are 'Out of Hand': 'Why Are We Normalizing This?'

A woman is fed up with the escalating costs that come with being a bridesmaid.

In a very relatable Reddit post, the woman began by acknowledging her frustration, writing, "I need to let this out." She explained that she has already served as a bridesmaid in several weddings and will be in another one early next year — and her bank account is taking a big hit as a result.

"It is genuinely becoming a financial burden! Weddings are getting soooo out of hand nowadays," she complained, before sharing how costly her latest bridesmaid gig is getting.

"The bride chose a bachelorette party that is out of state and requires me to buy plane tickets, use my PTO [paid time off] and spend a lot of money on airbnb/other random activities. The maid of honor asked us all to pitch in $200 each for the BRIDAL SHOWER!" the woman wrote.

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"Between the shower, bachelorette, dress and hotel for the wedding, I’m spending WAYYYY more than I did on my own marriage!" she continued, asking, "Why are we normalizing this behavior?"

She went on to note that while she is happy to celebrate her friends' weddings, she feels the expectations — and expenses — of the events are over-the-top.

"I don’t think it’s fair to ask bridesmaids to go on a whole vacation to celebrate an event that (I’m sorry) is a mostly normal life experience. What happened to just getting together a few days before the wedding to celebrate? In the same state that the wedding is going to be in?" she wrote.

The woman acknowledged that she may simply be "bitter" and could turn down requests to be a bridesmaid, but argued that it can be "very difficult and awkward" to say no to a friend.

"I do love my friends and want to be there! It’s just too much," she explained. "Am I overreacting or does everyone secretly feel this way?"

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Not surprisingly, the woman's post struck a chord with many others. "Everyone secretly feels this way," someone wrote, while another chimed in, "After being a bridesmaid twice in one year, I second this post!! It has gotten so ridiculous."

Another person thoughtfully articulated some of the specific dynamics they believe are driving many bridesmaids and other wedding party participants to feel this way.

"I think it’s also about the growing entitlement to spend other people’s money to make over-the-top/bucket list/unnecessary 'experiences' happen, and the social pressure to show your level of friendship/judgement if you aren’t able to drop tons of time and money on the couple," they wrote. "Like, you’ll become a social pariah if you don’t fall in line with what the couple or the group wants, even if it’s unreasonable."

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One Redditor said the answer is to set firm boundaries.

"You can say: 'I’d be honored to be in your wedding but this is what I’m willing to do. Please refrain from asking for any further financial assistance.' 'I can’t afford that.' 'This isn’t my wedding to be funding,' " they advised. "If they can’t handle your boundaries, then offer to withdraw from being a bridesmaid."

Another person agreed that it's down to the bridesmaids to set limits for themselves. "I feel like a lot of people end up saying yes to things and then complaining about it later, but it’s kind of up to you to set your boundaries," they argued. "I don’t like how social media has blown up the bridesmaid expectations, but it’s also up to each person to set boundaries and enforce their boundaries."

Several others said that as wedding culture continues to spiral out of control, they have decided to opt out of being a bridesmaid altogether, unless it's for a sister or very close friend. "I plan to never be a bridesmaid ever again, and have a good excuse to politely turn down future offers," one person shared.

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