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- Australian actress
If you were planning a New Year's Eve party, a birthday or a Christmas party, you already have a pretty good idea how to do it. You usually plan one each year, you're lucky enough to attend others, and millions of other people are doing the same so Pinterest is jam full of great ideas.
Planning a wedding is a little bit different. In an ideal world you only ever do it once, everyone is a novice, and no-one is an expert. Well, except for marriage celebrants like me that write articles for the internet. We're 100 percent legitimate experts.
So if you're planning on taking on a husband or wife in 2017, here's 17 things you should know about how 2017 weddings are different than the years past.
1. You're paying for it
It's more likely that the couple being married are paying for their wedding than anyone else in 2017. Mum and dad are likely to throw some money in the hat, but your best bet is trying to remember dad's internet banking logon.
2. It's small
In 2017 weddings are getting smaller and smaller. You've probably already noticed that you weren't invited to a wedding or two last year and although I've got no doubt that Jen is a complete bitch for not inviting you the fact is that guest numbers multiplied by cost per head is a scary thing.
3. You're not getting married in a church and religion isn't mentioned in your ceremony
Three out of four couples are being married by a civil marriage celebrant. So you can rest assured that although you might be ok with Jesus having a birthday so you can get new Gucci, he doesn't have to get an invite to the wedding.
4. The DJ is not weird
We've all seen weird wedding DJs playing terrible music and doing odd things into microphones but don't worry, those guys aren't in business anymore or they're charging less than an iPhone costs and you can see it in their performance.
5. The marriage celebrant is awesome
Although 75 percent of weddings are officiated by a marriage celebrant in Australia, the truth is many marriage celebrants are a little bit out of touch with us younger folk but it's ok because they totally have an Instagram account with text all over the images. But don't worry, you have choices. Get out the old Google and search for someone fun.
6. The ceremony is short
The average wedding ceremony by a young fun celebrant is about 20 minutes. Unless you want us to chant for 45 minutes because that really stretches things out.
7. The garter probably isn't being thrown
Even the bouquet can get a rest. The truth is we're not doing things that don't mean anything and are irrelevant to humans alive in the now. Which leads me to number eight.
8. Your bridal party is quite possibly fired
9. The wedding is probably not near your house
More than 10 percent of weddings require a passport these days, and even more require you to fly domestically. It's ok to marry somewhere else than the nearest RSL unless you've got a sweet, sweet hankering for a roast buffet at the reception. Actually, let's totally do it at the RSL buffet.
10. You're probably not going on a honeymoon straight away
Only 22 percent of couples go on a honeymoon straight after the wedding, even less actually go on holiday until the next moon, and even less have their parents bring them honey until the next moon. But it's ok, just make every holiday a honeymoon so you're straight in line to be upgraded to a better room when you check in!
11. The photographer doesn't ask you to pose
In fact wedding photographers are more like paparazzi and photo-journalists these days so you don't have to worry about the awkward stuff.
12. The gift of free food and booze is enough, your guests aren't leaving with bonbonnieres
Just save the dollars and ask for a Facebook poke instead.
13. The food isn't wedding food, it's whatever you like (don't forget that RSL buffet)
If Margot Robbie can have Coco Pops for dessert at her nuptials, then we can serve bowls with the remnants of chocolate cake on the inside for everyone to lick.
14. The vows are personal
You won't find them on Google, instead, you'll find them in the cockles of your heart, maybe below the cockles. Maybe in the sub-cockle area, we don't know.
15. Your planning happens online
Yep! Right where you are right now is where it all happens. No more needing to drag your BFFs around a wedding fair, instead you can just screenshot them articles like this one and then share the link on Facebook so everyone gets on-board.
16. Your wedding won't be the parade your parents want you to have
Instead it'll be better, it'll be a meaningful, purposeful celebration of the fact that you and your favourite human are rocking at life and you've got a hashtag to prove it.
17. You won't just have any wedding, you'll have your wedding
There ain't no blog, pin, snap, insta, hashtag, or think piece that can convince you otherwise.