Tyler Perry Reflects on 'Effects of Trauma' and His Recent 'Intensive Therapy' in Heartbreaking Speech at Paley Honors

• Tyler Perry accepted the Paley Honors Award on Wednesday, Dec. 4, during the Paley Honors Fall Gala at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills, California

• The actor and filmmaker touched at length on his childhood traumas and how they have affected him as an adult, as well as the therapy he recently entered into

• Perry also shared his hopes for the present and future, and thanked those who "showed up" to celebrate him as he reflected on his journey

Tyler Perry took the opportunity to "go deep" into his history as he accepted the Paley Honors Award on Wednesday, Dec. 4.

The actor and filmmaker gave a passionate speech that touched on his journey from "childhood trauma" as he was honored during the Paley Honors Fall Gala at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills, California.

Perry, 55, began by apologizing to the media for being unable to finish the press line earlier in the evening, as one journalist showed him a photo of himself at 5 years old that his late mother had taken, which caught him off guard emotionally.

"It's been 15 years, almost to the day, that she passed, so this time of year is really, really difficult for me," he explained. "When he showed me that picture, I want to apologize to you guys because I lost it. I couldn't even finish the press line. But I'm here."

Perry went on to reveal that recently, at age 54, "I did something for the first time in my life: I went into this intensive therapy in Arizona. And being in that moment in Arizona, I was able to really start to deal with something: the effects of trauma in my life."

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The Madea franchise creator said that he was once "suicidal" and that his "earliest memory" was as a toddler, "being very young [and visiting] jail, with my mother and my sisters behind bars."

"I didn't even know what this memory was until my aunt told me about my mother trying to leave my father. And we were driving to California from Louisiana in her car, and it was in his name," Perry said. "So he reported the car stolen, and we all were arrested and sat in the jail, waiting for him to come."

The New Orleans native recalled being a "little boy, watching this man beat my mother all the way back to Louisiana," with one of his earliest memories being "hiding under the porch, waiting" for his mother to come home because his father "had beaten me bloody."

"Being raped by my neighbor's mother, and the man in the church who would put something into my heterosexual little-boy-arousal temple, a template that I would carry for my life," Perry continued of the trauma, "and how that woman, the rape, and what that would do to me, and allow me to be stagnant in my ability to fully love."

In another incident, Perry said he had a science teacher who "hated" him in middle school: "I didn't know why he hated me, but I was sitting in the room, and I really leaning in and paying attention. He was like, 'Why are you looking at me that like that? You don't intimidate me.' "

Perry remembered talking about his pet hamster with his classmates one day and his teacher telling him, " 'No, Black kids don't have a hamster. You don't have a hamster. Bring it to school.' "

"So I brought the hamster to school, and all the kids were fawning over how cute he was. Buddy was his name," the Divorce in the Black writer-director said. "The teacher looks at me, and he says, 'Can I dissect him?' My little innocent boy self asked, 'Will he live?' And he said, 'No.' "

"All the kids are putting pressure on me, and I said, 'Okay,' " Perry continued. "So I tried to go to the back of the room, and he's like, 'No, no, no. Stay up here.' So I watched him put his chloroform on Buddy and kill him in front of me."

"It was a memory that I didn't even know was there until I was in this therapy session," he said. "I saw myself walking home with this empty cage and realizing that no one asked me what happened or why the cage was empty. Not one person in my life."

"So I survived that and forgot all about it, growing up at a time where there was an AIDS pandemic," Perry went on, of another challenge he faced. "I would go to church every Sunday, and many of the men in my choir would be dead every Sunday."

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"Or being stopped and frisked and slammed to the ground, just because I was Black and big, and the police were corrupt," he added. "But I survived, and I'm here. So I think that's enough to allow myself to be celebrated."

Despite the difficulties Perry endured, the people who hurt him "did not steal my compassion" or "rob me of my heart and my care for others, and they could not grip away my ability to heal," he said.

"So to everyone in this room, as you live your life, as you go from day to day, no matter what you're going through, I don't care how bad it gets in the world, in this business. It's tough. But I want you to know something: Don't let anybody steal your ability to heal," Perry continued.

"And I can tell you, at 55 years old, I am the freest version of myself that I've ever been," he said. "I have turned toward all of that pain, threw my arms wide open, embraced every bit of it, stared the shame, went down in it, and took the power out of it so that I could heal. And I would challenge each and every one of you to do that, as well."

Perry concluded his speech by saying that while he doesn't "know how much time I have left on this planet," his focus is "to love as much as I can" while he's still alive.

"I want to spread as much joy and good as I can," he said. "I want to make my mother proud, and I want to make my son proud of his father — something that I was never able to be of the man who raised me."

"So I want to thank the Paley Center for this moment, this opportunity, this award. And I want to thank everybody here that showed up for me as a man," Perry added. "This moment represents people asking me, 'Why is your cage empty?' So I thank you, and I bless you and I appreciate it. God bless you. Thank you."

If you suspect child abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child or 1-800-422-4453, or go to www.childhelp.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual abuse, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.

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