Yahoo Lifestyle 11 People Are Revealing First-Time Sexual Experiences After Breaking Up With Their Long-Time Partner, And Their Honesty Is So Needed
Being in a relationship with someone for a really long time most likely means you haven't slept with another person for some time. So when a breakup occurs, and you have the opportunity to sleep with someone new, it can stir up a lot of interesting emotions — good or bad.
So when Reddit user ATXBikeRider asked: "How was your experience sleeping with someone new after having a very long relationship end?" a lot of people provided their very honest and vulnerable answers. Here's what some of them said below.
1."It was weird and awkward. I think I felt sick to my stomach afterward. Even though my ex was in a new relationship, I felt guilty for being with someone that wasn’t him. I was with the same man for 10 years, so it was shocking to be intimate with someone new. At least that was my experience."
2."Empty. I finally get why people now prefer to sleep with someone they love."
"Getting out of a nine-year relationship, and this is exactly how I felt, too. My friends were 'happy' for me, but I actually felt pretty depressed about the experience at the time. Now, I just feel neutral about it."
3."Actually, it was amazing in that: 1) It restored my confidence when it came to dating, 2) a new person meant that it felt different and new, and 3) it made me feel attractive again."
"Same!! I am really surprised to see that so many people didn't have this experience.
After I got divorced from my first wife (we were together for seven years, married for three of that), I was so worried about dating and anxious about failing at being intimate with a new person.
This was late 2013, and Tinder was the big thing. At this time, it wasn't littered with bots — and as a pretty regular guy, I had no issues with matches and dates.
But it was one of those early matches that pulled me up and helped me over the bar. The divorce had been finalized for maybe a month. I had been going to the gym to keep myself from the depression I'd been in since we separated. I was avoiding bars/clubs for pretty much the same reason. But the worst part was how goddamn bored I was all the time. I was in a new city without any close ties to anyone except my boss, lol — and he was also going through a divorce.
So, Tinder was an attractive option. I had a few matches and went on two dates that didn't go anywhere. Third time's a charm. I met up for sushi with a woman we can call 'M.' M was a bubbly Latina woman with a bunch of really well-done tattoos, and her happy-go-lucky attitude was infectious.
After dinner, we just drove around in my truck for a while, listening to music and talking. She seemed comfortable, so I admitted I'd just gotten divorced and didn't know what to do with myself, and I was worried that I was making bad choices. She was very kind and told me I was overthinking it.
We went back to her apartment and had sex. This is a very long story to say, and I felt the exact same three things you listed afterward. I felt confident, basking in the experience of a new person, and I felt like someone would want me.
The funny thing is that M could read all that on my face. I didn't even have to say anything. When I was leaving her place, she told me, 'The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.' She was absolutely right. I dated casually for about a year after that, met some really great women, and made some great memories — but I have always liked being in a real relationship, so it didn't take long for me to fall in love again, and now I've been married for eight years, and I have never been happier.
If it wasn't for M, I don't know how long I would have suffered and probably self-sabotage.
Hell, lol, it was because of her that I had the confidence to make new platonic male friends. I was so tired of doing everything by myself that I was drinking alone in a bar one night when I got to talking with another dude. We had great buddy chemistry, and I said fuck it and asked if he wanted to go to a monster truck jam with me. I won two free tickets at work and didn't have anyone to go with, lol. He said yep, and we hung out all the time for a couple of years until his job relocated him. We still keep up on Instagram."
4."Honestly, it was weird. I thought I was gonna say my ex's name during it, and a few times, I almost did. But it was also weird because they didn't already know what I liked, so I needed to teach them."
"That’s the worst part about starting over, getting to know each other's bodies and minds and what really turns each other on, etc; even kissing can take some learning with a new partner. My ex's name was also very similar to the name of the new guy, and I, too, was scared I would end up saying the wrong name; I was fortunate and did not!"
5."After 20-plus years and half that time, being in a dead bedroom, being with a new woman, and being desired and appreciated almost brought me to tears. With this new person, there was no anger, resentment, or starfishing. Turns out, I’m not the reason that I had no sex life."
6."The first time was after a difficult and abusive 15-year marriage, and I was a virgin on my wedding night, so I had no clue what sex should be. I was incredibly nervous, but he was awesome and patient (and 12 years younger than me). It was phenomenal. We were together for six months, ended on a lovely, friendly note, and are still friends to this day. My next relationship lasted 16 years with a man who was the love of my life. Sex was mindblowing and phenomenal with him. He died this past year after an unexpected illness. I have been in therapy, working through residual trauma from that long-ago marriage and feeling grief but gratitude for the last wonderful man I was with. I'm scared shitless to get back out there again, but he wanted me to date again after I was done with therapy. Wish me luck."
7."Honestly, not good. I need to get emotionally attached to someone before doing all that. I was so over my ex after seven years of battling our differences, but mannnn, I didn’t realize how much you really connect to a person after so long. It is absolutely not something you can do with someone new after four hours of knowing them, lol. I couldn’t even cum. I just can’t do that with someone I don’t know like that. I don’t care how hot the woman is."
8."The first two sexual encounters I had after I left my ex-husband are what I’m talking about."
"A guy I met who I kinda clicked with. I was attracted to him and decided to act on it. I knew I didn’t like him enough for a whole relationship, but a situationship would have worked out nicely. It was disappointing. He was clearly more into porn than a partner, and although it might be visually appealing, it’s not all pleasant. So it was a letdown. Nice guy, not an experience I ever wanted to repeat. It had nothing to do with it being my first time out of my 20-year marriage; it had everything to do with him not having a clue and not taking directions well.
The next guy was literally orgasmic. He yanked me straight out of all the nonsense that had built up in my head from life, and it was just immediately all about the moment. For the first time in my life, I absolutely couldn’t think. As someone with ADHD, my brain is constantly going even when it’s not. It was completely blank. It was only physical and physical alone, and he knew how to make that explosive. Holy shit!
But in both cases, I was only looking for a steady friend with benefits. The first guy wasn’t interesting enough to stay friends, and his benefits sucked. The second guy I saw off and on for a year, and it rocked my world every single time."
9."First one after a nearly four-year relationship, the woman was beautiful and seemed nice, but the act made me feel like shit soon after. I felt bad because I still loved my ex, and worse, because I wasn’t ready yet, and it wasn’t anything about the woman I had met. A couple of hook-ups a few months later, but both just left me feeling empty. Honestly, it’s been three years at this point and roughly one since I tried dating. It’s different for each person, but for me, I just needed to learn to be happy and content with who I am and by myself. I’m not actively looking for anything now, but the last date was only a bust because we didn’t click, so that was a massive improvement. I’ll get back out there eventually, but it’s just not a priority."
10."Six years in a bad marriage; sexless for about five. Being with a man who wanted me after that was so... calming, I don't know how else to say it."
11."Complete embarrassment. First time with a new woman after a 10-year marriage that went to shit, and being isolated for a long time prior to that, it was nothing to brag about. I basically had to relearn how to kiss someone new within the span of a few moments, which I'm pretty sure I failed because we ended up bumping teeth somehow. I fumbled bra duty pretty spectacularly, which she actually thought was funny. Bless her heart — she was pretty patient with me. Also, because I was so awkward, there was a lot of dull silence in the talking stage, too.
Evidently, my body took the phrase 'one-two punch' literally because it was a one, two, DONE! She thought it was pretty funny and 'cute' but made it clear in the nicest words possible that it would not be happening again. Ever. I think it's fair to say she was not impressed. Fortunately, she wasn't interested in a relationship because I was not looking to get into one at that moment, and it felt awkward being with her because of how short-lived that moment was. I know I can do better, and I have since, but I wasn't about to beg for a chance to prove it; that would have felt pathetic."
Want to share your experience of hooking up with someone after being in a long-term relationship with someone? Tell us how you felt and what happened in the comments below or in this Google form.
