By Deirdre Fidge
What rhymes with Shminals Shmeek and simultaneously brings Love Island viewers immense joy and existential dread? That’s right mates – it’s Finals Week.
So how’s everyone feeling after last night’s recoupling? None of us actually care, but Josh is upset that Amelia prepared a speech for a staged ceremony requiring participants to present a speech.
She begs forgiveness with an adorably awful four-line poem, and we were blessed with hearing “smushy” rhymes with “Joshy”. Oh, and of course, this incredibly dialogue:
Amelia: [silently sitting after reciting poem]
Josh: “Oh… are you still going?”
Amelia: “I think I’m finished.”
Josh: “Oh I thought you were pausing. That… was… really good.”
DING DONG! TEXT ALERT! Time for an inane and bizarre challenge!
Evidently, a producer stuck their greasy paw into the fishbowl of ideas and pulled out the deranged scribble of ‘sexy nurses’ scrawled on a post-it.
Thus, all couples engaged in some sort of quasi-challenge involving polyester medical garb and misuse of leg splints.
Later, Eden and Erin have a shouting argument proving that most people in the villa could benefit greatly from a personal development course working on interpersonal skills.
As the sun sets, everyone starts feeling a wee bit antsy as the public get to vote on which couple will go home.
Never since Guy Sebastian and Shannon Noll has there been so much tension among television viewers.
With Millie-Mark and Mac-Teddy voted as least popular, the rest of the gang have to deliberate and decide who to throw directly into the fire pit. Or go home, I’m not exactly sure of the rules.
After too many elongated speeches about difficult choices and integrity and yadda yadda yadda, the couples announce their decisions.
But wait – it’s a tie! Where’s Sophie? Will she pop out of a hedge and have the final say?
After a heated discussion without resolution due to aforementioned terrible communication and interpersonal skills, a text states that the couple with the lowest amount of votes will go home.
But before that is announced, Mac and Teddy talk for 85 minutes.
The countdown to the grand finale has begun, and then we’ll have to take a long hard look at ourselves in the mirror and address our horrible lives.
But until then: goodnight, and enjoy Finals Week!
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