Teeny Chirichillo reacts to 'exhilarating but infuriating' “Survivor” fire-making contest

"I do think that moment will haunt me for the rest of my time on earth." That was Teeny Chirichillo's reaction after building a fire that simply would not burn through a rope. As a result, Teeny lost to Sam Phalen in the Survivor 47 final four fire-making competition and was unable to sit at the final three and plead their case to the jury — a jury they would instead join.

How does Teeny feel now six months later about the loss? Was the wind to blame? What did we not see in that contest? And how does Teeny think they would have done had they made it to the end? We asked the freelance writer from New Jersey about all that and more, including that one-sided rivalry with Sam Phalen. Read on for answers.

Related: Survivor 47 finale recap: A victory a year in the making

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: First question: How can you live with yourself after not throwing poor Sue a vote on her birthday?

TEENY CHIRICHILLO: First of all, I had no idea about Sue's age the entire duration of being on the island. I was never told the lie. I never asked anyone else. So that was the first time Sue's age entered the canon for me was finding out at final Tribal Council that it was her birthday. And all love to Sue, but my vote was going to Rachel

Who beat you at fire? Sam or the wind?

Good question. I think the universe is the answer. Some combination of both Sam and the wind and the universe coming into play. It's funny because I initially wanted to sit in Sam's seat, and I had literally said to myself, "I want to sit closer to Rachel and Sue." You heard me kind of look to them at points for advice. I wanted to be closer to them. Rachel had helped me all day. And then I saw that the flag was red on the seat that I sat in. The flag was yellow where Sam was sitting. And right as we're walking over to the seats, I was like, "Hey, why don't we just bring this back to the original days? You'll sit with the Gata. I'll sit with the Lavo.” And at the very, very last moment, I changed where I wanted to sit, and I think that it had a lot to do with maybe the outcome of the challenge.

Related: Survivor 47 finale recap: A victory a year in the making

It's like Heather from season 41 all over again. So I know it's all edited down for time, but just take me through the fire-making. We heard you yelling, "Come on!" and "Noooooo!" like you were in a horror movie or something. Tell me about building what seemed like a raging inferno and then watching it sort of miss your rope and all slip away.

Oh my God. So first, I just remember getting the initial spark, and once I got the spark I was like, "Okay, I'm in this. I've made eight to 10 fires back at camp. I know how to do this." And so there was just something within me that was like, "Keep going, you got this, you got this!" And then it's getting bigger. And I'm like having this out-of-body moment where like, "Holy s---, I'm making fire on Survivor right now!"

And I watched it hover on the rope at various points of the rope for minutes at a time, and it was just exhilarating, but so infuriating. And then when he got his spark, I was still like, "Okay, but I'm an inferno and he's just a little spark." And then I just remember mine going every which way. It was completely horizontal at points, and I look up at his and it is absolutely direct vertical. And mine, also because of the wind, the stick started to compound and crumble, and that's where you just got me going, "No, no, no, this can't be happening!" And then all of a sudden, I side eye and his flag goes up and it was just insane.

You said in your final words on the show that "I do think that moment will haunt me for the rest of my time on earth." Has it haunted you, Teeny?

I'm actually really, really, really happy and relieved to say no, it hasn't haunted me. I actually think that there's no more perfect or fitting or representative ending to my journey on Survivor. Obviously, there were a lot of things that didn't go my way throughout the game, and I feel like going out in this really epic and legendary historic moment of the show — one of the craziest fire-making challenges — is just a really cool cap-off. And I have a lot of peace with the place that I came in and the fact that I was able to sit on the jury, the fact that I was able to vote for Rachel, the fact that I got to experience every single end of the Survivor game — being on the jury, being able to make it that far in the game, I feel just at peace. And I can't say that it haunts me, and I'm really happy about that.

Related: Rachel LaMont reveals the lie she told at Survivor 47 final Tribal Council

That's awesome. How do you think you do if you make it to the final three?

So if I made it to the final three, I'm aware enough to know that Rachel was this absolute force that I don't think I would've beat, honestly. But I do think that I would've given a really impeccable speech speaking to my social game and the relationships that I made. I do not believe that I would've been a no-vote finalist. I think I would've gotten Sol's vote. I think that, honestly, I maybe could have pulled in one or two more, but I think that's partially where the peace comes from is knowing that if I had gotten there, I'm not sure that I would've been able to pull it off anyway. So instead of spending day 26 all in my head trying to plan for everything that I could have answered and everything that I could have said, I got to spend day 26 celebrating the dream come true that I've wanted my whole life, and I'm really happy with that.

What was it like when you got to Ponderosa?

The first thing that happened was Gabe had a Fijian beer in his hand, and he shouted "Bula, bula bula!" to me. And I just got to embrace these people who truly transcend friendship. They're my family. I mean, you saw the first few people who were on the jury were like my best friends with Sierra and Sol. So I got to see them after so long of missing them and it was euphoric. It was a celebration of literally 15 years of being a fan of the show and how far I came and how well I played, or just how much I played the way that I kind of anticipated that I would in some ways. And it was super emotional, but probably one of the best nights of my life, honestly.

Related: Sam Phalen says it 'stung' not getting Sierra's Survivor 47 winner vote

Do you feel the edit properly showed off your game?

I do think so. I came home and when I talked to my friends and my family, I said to them, "What you can expect to see is authentically Teeny for the very good and also the very bad." And I knew that there would be moments on the show where parts of me came out that weren't necessarily the best. For example, the tantrum over Sam. But I also think that you got to see the playfulness of me, you got to see the way that I was able to connect with the people in the game.

I was proudly the Charlie Brown of the season. The football was lifted up many times, and that is representative exactly of how it was out there. And it didn't go in many ways the way that I wanted it to. But it's still cool and humbling and enlightening for me to watch it back. And I think it's pretty representative for sure.

You talked openly on the show about how you were still figuring out your identity out there and becoming comfortable in your own skin. What has that journey been like for you since filming?

Well, to start, I got top surgery in September, so that has been just — no pun intended — a complete weight off my chest. It's so liberating. It's something that I've wanted for a really long time and I think it's given me a new lease on life in many ways. Having a body that I wasn't always so comfortable in now feel more like home to me is incredible. But also just the fact that I was so open about it out there kind of allowed me to go into my life and bring that same sort of vulnerability.

And some of the things that I talked about on the show were topics and things that I had never spoken about to people in my life. There's people who I had opened up to, but there's also people who I hadn't. So I feel like I got this rare opportunity for everyone in my world to learn who I was while watching me do the thing that they know I've loved for so long.

It's ever evolving for sure, but I can say that I'm still figuring things out. But I am proud to represent the genderqueer, non-binary people out there. I think there's still a long road ahead for me and I'm still in a very transitional state with all of it. And to have that sort of snapshot be forever in my Survivor experience is super special. Something I'm super grateful that was included and it's awesome.

Related: Survivor 47 star Sue Smey says it 'sucked' being shut out by the jury

Part of you figuring things out was going up against someone like Sam. You were very open about how that unlocked some insecurities for you. That said, what was it for you like watching some of those moments when you came at him play back on TV?

It was humbling, is the word I want to use, but it feels so much more than that. In my regular life. I feel like I operate with a sense of self-awareness that I'm proud of. And to see myself in that moment on that day completely lose that, I really let my guard down and behaved in a way that was out of control for me. And I spoke about Sam — who I think is a lovely person who I got along with really well — in ways that don't match exactly what I was feeling. And it just taught me a lot.

It taught me a lot about how I want to conduct myself going forward and how I should definitely take the second to think before I speak and to just be super intentional with how I feel, because I'm not proud of the lash out that I had. But I also have an extreme compassion for the Teeny that was out there, that was hungry, that was starving, that was going through a lot of emotional turmoil within the game, a lot of confusion and doubt within themselves. And so I have compassion for myself in that moment.

But I also think that from the conversation and the discourse it sparked, I think I've taken the proper critiques and criticisms from it that I can bring into my real world. There's a lot of conversation that I think has helped me change the way that I see myself in a really helpful way that I can put forth into my life going forward.

Related: Jeff Probst calls Survivor 47 winner one of franchise's 'best overall players' (exclusive)

Okay, where’s the unaired drunk Teeny footage? Where are the Teeny Tapes?!?

Oh my God, I don't want the world to get their hands on those. But let me tell you, there's a lot left on the editing room floor, especially after the steak reward with Sue and Genevieve. Before going on Survivor, I was like, "If I get the chance to get a little drunk on my favorite show in Fiji, I got to do it." Did I take it a little overboard? Yeah. Am I learning things from that as well? Absolutely. But seriously, it's so funny to watch back even. It's like my friends texting me just being like, "We know those eyes. We've seen that person before." But yeah, it was super funny and I think it's great that it's a part of my little story on the show.

What's something that happened out there this season that did not make it to TV that you wish we got a chance to see?

Definitely my friendship with Sol. It was so fun. I called myself a mini-Sol out there. I feel like I've known Sol in every lifetime. I feel like in one, we were little rascals in the back of the bus just causing trouble. And in another, I feel like we were siblings. And in this lifetime, we were playing Survivor together. And although in the beginning, strategically, I voted him for him the first time and he left me out of the Kishan vote, we at all times were just so in lockstep in our personalities, and we had so much fun, and I wish that that got showcased a little bit more. But I'm excited to do the work for that. I have so many things to post with Sol over the time since we've come home, and I'm excited to overcompensate for the lack of what was showed of our friendship there.

Did you get him a vest for Christmas?

Whoa! I don't know if you saw our finale looks, but we were both shirtless in suits together, so I think that was a gift.

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