Miserable Married People Are Sharing The Main Reasons Why They Choose Being Unhappy In Their Relationship Over Getting A Divorce

Note: This post contains mention of domestic abuse.

People end up divorcing for different reasons, but sometimes, people decide to stay in the relationship — even though they are miserable. So, we found a few Reddit threads and asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share some insight into their unhappy marriages. Here's what they said...

Comments discussing past regrets: First comment, by Impressive_Ice3817, expresses regret over ignoring red flags in a long-term relationship. Second comment, by arlnwl, agrees and reflects on their own mistakes and current sadness
u/Impressive_Ice3817 / reddit.com

1."I threw my husband a large party for his birthday with his family and close childhood friends. After the party was over, my mom and her friend stayed up with my husband and his friend. I went to bed and texted my husband at 2 a.m. — he was still up with them on the porch. I asked him to come help me with our 4-month-old baby. I looked out the window and saw he was smiling and texting someone, but it wasn't me. I let it go and went to sleep with our baby. The next morning, I checked his Apple Watch. He was texting his friend who was with him about how my mom was hot and how he would sleep with her. They were even planning to 'bring her inside' and see what would happen. He swore it was all jokes. I forgave him. I should have left. I'm still with him."

A person lies on the floor holding a smartphone, with a bottle and cans near them. Their face isn't visible, and the setting suggests a relaxed or casual environment


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2."I found out when I was four months pregnant that my husband was bisexual. He had gotten onto sex sites and tried to get men or couples to come and meet up for sexcapades in my house in my bed when I went to visit my family across the country with my three older children. He was sexting these men and reaching out to all kinds of F-buddies. I stayed because I was pregnant and because he gave me herpes. We also started couples counseling. Our son is now 2, and it may have been the biggest regret of my life. He almost left before we got married or pregnant and before I got herpes. I wish I had let him go, but I love my baby boy, and he is a great father who treats me well most of the time. However, I don’t think I’ll ever trust him."

A pregnant woman is lying on a couch, resting her head on a pillow with her eyes closed


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3."All of 2016 leading up to the election almost broke us. We decided to stop talking about politics (or anything remotely related to it) completely. We put in too many years of marriage and a family, we didn’t want to break up. It’s still difficult knowing that we detest each other’s political beliefs."

A blue donkey and a red elephant face each other on a stage with an American flag pattern
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4."I wanted a new sectional couch. He was vehemently anti-sectional. For whatever reason, he still refuses to let me have the furniture I want. He holds the purse strings over my head because I make a tiny fraction of what he earns. I'm pretty chill, so I've never stopped him from getting his toys (motorcycle, boat, plane). So, you would think he could give me an inch on family stuff. No. We ended up with reclining sofas. The only thing I got that I wanted was leather. He gave up very little and didn't do it to make me happy..."

Close-up image of a tufted leather upholstery with button details

5."I love my wife, so I'm still trying to make it work. I've yet to give an ultimatum, but my wife's abusive behavior has been forcing me more and more on that path over the last year. I've tried to work it out in whatever way I can without bringing divorce up. If it weren't for my young kids, I wouldn't be so patient with her, but I'm trying to save things for their sake, which gives me lots of patience, for better or worse. I also enjoy my house and commute, and my wife is sexy as hell, haha. There's a lot worth saving, but I am not happy."

A man with a thoughtful expression sits on a couch with his hand on his chin while a woman in the background also appears deep in thought


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6."I don't leave because I can’t throw away 30 years of my life. We are working together to try and save our marriage. Things get better, then they're bad again. I’m tired of the cycle."

A couple sitting back-to-back on a couch with arms crossed, indicating disagreement or conflict. Faces not shown. Both wear casual clothing: T-shirts and jeans
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7."I am stuck in my marriage because he is blackmailing me saying he will reveal my past to family and relatives. If I argue, he becomes violent. I don't want to be with him, but there is no one to help."

A man in a blue shirt sits in a chair gesturing while a woman in a plaid jacket covers her face with her hands, seemingly distressed, in a modern interior
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8."I've been married for 21 years this year. Eight years in, my wife cheated on me with three different guys. She lied to me, then to her parents, then to our marriage counselor. The next year, she went to counseling, and ultimately, we stayed together. I'll never forget it, and I think about it every day. It still affects me. We have three kids who are all over 18 now."

A woman and a man sit on a couch with arms crossed, looking away from each other, appearing to be in conflict
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9."To be honest, I am still in my marriage because I have too much to lose financially if I leave. I am the breadwinner, and while he has said he wants nothing if we divorce, I know it's a lie. He is also from another country, and custody would be so freaking messy. We are like two friends living in this house. It works for us, I guess."

A person wearing a suit uses their hands to separate two tall stacks of coins on a desk
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10."Depending on your personality type, you can tend just to resign yourself to things over time. I am in a marriage where we feel more like friends than anything. Our strengths/weaknesses don't really complement each other. I also somehow end up doing a solid 85%–90% of the work around here (I am in charge of finances, I take care of the dogs, I'm the one who knows how to fix things around the house, and be the one who would take the time to hire the right person to do it when it's beyond me). I admit I resent it sometimes. But over the years, I don't really even bring it up anymore. I've just gotten...used to it."

A woman sits on a bed with her head in her hands, appearing upset. In the background, a man with a beard sits on the bed looking away. Names unknown

11."I am so ready to leave, but taking that first step feels so hard. Just finally sitting down and saying the 18 months of therapy and 'work' haven't been working. I dislike the person he has become, and I see no future with him. It's really the fear of the unknown that keeps me here. I keep reminding myself that I know ZERO divorced people who said they wish they hadn't divorced, and most say they just wish they hadn't waited so long. My kids are young enough that they won't remember, and there is a long road to go on for new, better, happier memories to be made. It's just finally saying I want to divorce, and I just can't get it to come out of my mouth."

Two small figurines, a man and a woman, stand on alphabet blocks spelling "DIVORCE" against a gradient background
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12."I work for a guy that has been married 60 years. He said he works 60 hours a week so he doesn’t have to be at home with his wife."

An older man and woman sit on a couch, facing away from each other, both looking distressed. The man is in the foreground, while the woman covers her face
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13."I've been married 51 years. The first 40 years were wonderful, but we just grew apart. Now, we are more roommates than husband and wife."

Two individuals lie on a bed under striped light shadows, facing away from each other. One is shirtless and the other has curly hair and wears a tank top
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Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.