Sami Wunder had been dating Chris - a man she'd met while doing her Masters - for two months and romance was blossoming. Candlelit dinners, arm-in-arm walks, conversation flowing – it was clear that things were going very well. So, when Chris asked Sami to be his girlfriend, he was no doubt confident of a positive response. Sami, however, had other ideas.
"I really liked Chris and I was enjoying what we had and in fact, I told him that if he asked me to marry him right now I’d say ‘yes’… but I wasn’t interested in being his girlfriend," says Sami, now 33 and a former economist.
"Being a boyfriend and girlfriend is fine for teenagers and students but as an adult I had no plans to shut down my dating options until I was his ‘forever person’. I had dated men from Leeds to London and had had my heart broken several times. Why should I be ‘test driven’ as his exclusive ‘girlfriend’ if both he and I felt that we were right for each other?"
Chris was - unsurprisingly - shocked by Sami’s response. He didn’t contact her for three days. Sami remained resolute and when he finally called her, arguing that if they were exclusive, they could get to know each other better, Sami stood her ground.
It was a risky plan but within nine months of meeting, Chris, who works in the aerospace sector, proposed to Sami on top of the snowy Brocken mountain in Germany, with a diamond and sapphire ring. They have been married for nearly a decade and have two sons, Aaron, five and Aditya, one and Sami says she’s never been happier.
Today she is a certified relationship coach and author of 'Your Feminine Roadmap To His Commitment'. Not long after her proposal, she left her job and decided to help other high-achieving women like her, learn from her lessons and follow her romantic example. She now runs a multiple seven figure company serving thousands of women across the globe who are all seeking healthy, long term love.
"When I started dating in my late teens I was so guarded and at some deep level I think I was quite resentful of men," she says. "Many successful women will relate to this – I felt that I wasn’t beneath any man and had to show off how smart I was but that led to a string of really bad relationships.
"Although I was reasonably good looking, with a good career man after man would ghost me after two or three dates. They would come on really strong and I’d think: ‘Hmmm, perhaps this is the one’ but it wouldn’t lead to anything. My longest relationship was two months long and I couldn’t understand what was going wrong".
It was after she had her heart broken one last time in her early twenties that she decided that enough was enough.
"I really thought this person was The One and we were meeting up often and I was falling in love and imagining a future with him," she says. "But after six weeks, he went silent. I waited 10 days and messaged him – even though my intuition said not to – and he simply said: ‘Sami, you’re a lovely woman but I don’t think I can give you what you want.
"I was heartbroken and confused, sitting in my apartment at 2am and wondering what was wrong with me. It was so painful. It was then that I realised that something had to change if I wanted different results or love wasn’t meant for me at all."
Sami started studying the works for spiritual and relationship gurus, learning and discovering a more old-fashioned approach to romance. She started ‘rotational dating – meeting multiple men for coffee or a walk in the park and finally felt like she was being ‘courted.’
"I started letting the men come to me and do all the work because before, I would be on the hunt and that’s a big turn off for many men," she says. "It’s fine if you’re a woman who likes having a laid-back partner but if, like me, you want a man who is a provider and a giver, you have to make them work for it. I would show up and look nice and be flirty but I’d never suggest we should meet up again".
It’s clearly a formula that works. Sami has seen over 300+ engagements in the last five years from clients using her dating and relationship coaching methods.
"Learning to ‘lean back’ when it comes to dating won’t come naturally to many women who are used to being successful in other areas of their lives," says Sami. "But once you have learned the techniques, it may be hard but it does give you results".
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