Quotes of the Week: Agatha All Along, Matlock, Doctor Odyssey, FBI and More
Sunday is here once again, and so is TVLine’s latest look back at our favorite Quotes of the Week.
In the list below, we’ve gathered more than two dozen of television’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including scripted and unscripted moments from cable, broadcast and streaming series.
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This time around, we’ve got bon mots and zingers from Three Women, The Voice, FBI, The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon, Agatha All Along, Fire Country and more.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: The View’s Ana Navarro offers Donald Trump beauty tips, Doctor Odyssey’s Max pays homage to Full House’s Stephanie Tanner and Grey’s Anatomy’s Teddy teaches Owen a lesson. Plus, quotable moments from Elsbeth, Happy’s Place, Georgie & Mandy’s First Marriage, and double doses Abbott Elementary, Shrinking, NCIS and Matlock.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Mandi Bierly, Nick Caruso, Vlada Gelman, Charlie Mason, Matt Webb Mitovich and Ryan Schwartz)
ABBOTT ELEMENTARY
“The U.S. Constitution established the framework for our government and included the Bill of Rights. But have you guys ever heard of Draco?”
“The wizard or the rapper?”
Jacob’s (Chris Perfetti) history lesson for his students goes off-topic
ABBOTT ELEMENTARY (Bonus Quote!)
“Attention, teachers, no child is to be sent to the principal’s office today. Kids, if you want to do crime, now’s the time. Happy Purge Day, y’all!”
Ava (Janelle James) protects herself against catching ringworm
THE VOICE
“If you choose me, this is how many people will support you. [Crowd cheers and holds up Team Snoop towels] See, when you’re with me, you gain crowd control instantly.”
“Uncle Snoop” Dogg explains to a contestant why the other coaches might as well, ahem, throw in the towel
THE WALKING DEAD: DARYL DIXON
“Everyone needs hope.”
“Yes, but religion is not about hope, it’s about control.”
As far as Genet (Anne Charrier) is concerned, Carol (Melissa McBride) can keep the faith — to herself
THE CHOSEN
“I did not come to Bethany right away. I had something to do, a sermon to preach in Jerusalem.”
“In the temple? How did that go?”
“Aside from the attempted stoning from the leaders, uh, I thought it was above average.”
Jesus (Jonathan Roumie) catches resurrected Lazarus (Demetrios Troy) up on life
SHRINKING (Episode 1)
“Yes, I am stressed out about Grace. But that’s workday dad. Nighttime daddy is fine. [Beat] I heard it. I’m not going to say it again.”
Jimmy (Jason Segel) makes an unintentional funny while assuring daughter Alice (Lukita Maxwell) that he’s not falling apart again
SHRINKING (Episode 2)
“Speaking of cars, do you remember what happened to your mom in one? Oh, goddammit. Goddammit!”
Jimmy (Segel) tries to break some difficult news to Alice (Maxwell)… and totally botches it
FBI: MOST WANTED
“She’s been murdered.”
“Oh my God. Does Dave know?”
“Who’s Dave?”
“Her boyfriend, he works here in the kitchen.”
“Describe him.”
“Annoying. Creepy. Terrible at béchamel sauce.”
Nina (Shantel VanSanten) and Remy (Dylan McDermott) question a murder vic’s coworker
THE VIEW
“I know it’s pumpkin spice season but… this is a makeup sponge. You use it to blend. Because I think the biggest border crisis Donald Trump is encountering at the moment is the border between his real skin and his bronzer.”
Co-host Ana Navarro offers Donald Trump a much-needed beauty tip
AGATHA ALL ALONG
“…. After that, I cut and run. Left my entire Blu-ray collection behind. Agatha can keep my BowFlex! I’m never going back.”
Ralph aka Bohneriffic69 (Evan Peters) recalls fleeing Wanda’s hex
MATLOCK
“What’s happening?”
“Some sort of geriatric dating ritual.”
Billy (David Del Rio) and Sarah (Leah Lewis) watch Matty talk “live TV commercial breaks” with a fellow senior
MATLOCK (Bonus Quote!)
“Guess we’re all on the same cycle, like a coupla girls at summer camp.”
Matty (Kathy Bates) shares a morning elevator with Julian and Olympia
DOCTOR ODYSSEY
[Massey shows his cards] “Three cowboys.”
“How rude… is the catchphrase of Stephanie Tanner on my favorite sitcom: Full House.”
Max (Joshua Jackson) wins poker in style
FBI
“I read this book, in college. Had a crush on my professor.”
“Oh yeah? What was his name?”
“Rachel.”
OA (Zeeko Zaki) is forever learning new things about Maggie (Missy Peregrym)
THREE WOMEN
“I want a separation.”
“What?”
“I want a legal separation.”
“Well, no.”
“Well, I am not asking, Ed. I’m telling.”
Lina (Betty Gilpin) is finally ready to kick her husband to the curb!
FIRE COUNTRY
“Ohh, this is gonna get spicy.”
Vince (Billy Burke) and Sharon look on as bride Gabriela freezes up on her “I do”
THE CHALLENGE 40: BATTLE OF THE ERAS
“Congratulations, that was a very tight race. All of you did really well… except Devin.”
Host TJ Lavin throws shade at Devin Walker’s poor elimination performance
NCIS
“[Jimmy, whispering] I’m telling you, it’s Empty Nest Syndrome. First, Jessica leaves for California. Torres volunteers to go deep undercover….”
“[Kasie, whispering] And now McGee is applying for the Deputy Director position….”
“Poor parker, that man is all alone.”
“I wish I was.”
“You can hear us?”
“You’re projecting.”
“Well, I was a tenor in college.”
Jimmy (Brian Dietzen) and Kasie (Diona Reasonover) watch Parker (Gary Cole) unpack a singular pastry
NCIS (Bonus Quote!)
“You think that man is an international drug lord?
“Wolf in shepherd’s clothing.”
Jessica (Katrina Law) has a local clergyman bound and gagged
GREY’S ANATOMY
“Wait, you think that this woman underwent anesthesia, had surgeons cut into her glutes, suck fat from her belly and put it back in her butt just so she could wear different clothes?”
“I mean, why else would she do it?”
“Let me break it down for you. The world that you live in where you do a good job and you get rewarded for it, that is not the world that women live in. In our world, you can be smarter, you can work harder, but the prettier person who has a more desirable body most always gets ahead because the people who decide that are almost always men. So before we rush to judge the woman for being so desperate that she underwent surgery to change her body, maybe we should think about how our culture prioritizes the wrong things and think about how we can change that.”
“I was just asking.”
“And I was just telling.”
Teddy (Kim Raver) schools Owen (Kevin McKidd) on the underlying reasons a patient might have gotten a butt lift
GEORGIE & MANDY’S FIRST MARRIAGE
“Mary, to toast the new house?”
“I can toast with ginger ale.”
“Jesus drank wine.”
“Because they didn’t have Schweppes.”
Try as Meemaw (Annie Potts) might, Mary (Zoe Perry) refuses to be “filled with the spirit”
HOUSE OF VILLAINS
“I’ve never been happy to see a cock quite so small, but this might be my favorite cock I’ve ever had in my hand.”
We swear Victoria Larson was speaking about a small chicken figurine… or was she?
GHOSTS
“You think I’m taking long showers? I’ve got a bunch of invisible people creeping on me. I wear a bathing suit in there.”
Jay (Utkarsh Ambudkar), after Sam questions why the water bill is so high
HAPPY’S PLACE
“I didn’t think Daddy could ever do anything like this! He always said that family was the most important thing.”
“Maybe that’s why he started two of them.”
Leave it to Barbra Jea—err, Gabby (Melissa Peterman), to say the wrong thing at the wrong time
HOLIDAY CRASHERS
“Did you see that Jets game?”
Lawyer Lou (Keith MacKechnie) to his daughter, Toni (Lyndsy Fonseca), before they groaned simultaneously — Hallmark Channel holiday movies really are evergreen!
ELSBETH
“I thought it was boring. So boring. Like Oppenheimer boring. Does that make me a bad person?”
A murder victim’s date reviews the opera they went to
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