The Rise of the Silver Divorce

Shutterstock

Marriage used to be until death do us part. Now women are leading a new social trend.

Divorce is far from a new phenomenon. After all, couples have been calling it quits for as long as people could say ‘I do’. But what’s been making headlines of late, and has relationship counsellors and demographers talking, is the news that more people are calling it quits after 20 years of marriage than ever before.

The stats

In fact, the stats have more than doubled from 13% in 1990 to 28% in 2011, earning this movement the nickname ‘grey divorce’ or ‘silver separation’. And here’s the kicker: it’s mainly women (not men) who want to leave now their kids have grown up and moved out, with 60% being the main instigator of divorce in Australia. But the real question is why?

What’s really behind these long-term splits?

There are a few reasons, according to clinical psychologist and relationships expert Jo Lamble (jolamble.com). Not only has the stigma surrounding divorce decreased, but these days women are more empowered and, increasingly, less financially dependent on men. Meaning? They have more choices and less fear of going solo. And that’s not all: our life spans have increased, adding real weight to the wedding vow of ‘Till death do us part’.

“The idea of spending the rest of your days in an unhappy marriage is less palatable when there’s longer to live,” Lamble explains. “So when people hit major milestones like turning 40 or 50, they often assess their life and ask, ‘Do I want to wake up in another 10 years feeling like this?’ If the answer is no, then they make major changes—like ending their marriage.”

Silver separation versus staying together

Relationships aren’t always easy, so when the lows outnumber the highs, a crossroad presents itself: you can either stay or go. But how do you know when it’s time to leave? There’s a big difference between a rough patch and chronic unhappiness, the main trigger for those who initiate silver separations.

“If you’ve attempted to address the issues without success over a long period of time, or if an unhappy relationship is affecting your work, social life and mental health, then it may be time to think about what you really want,” explains Lamble. On the flip side, if you’re struggling but the love is still there, it doesn’t have to mean the end. Prioritising date nights, pinpointing what needs fixing and seeking counselling (relationships.org.au) could be just what the doctor—and your love life—ordered.

RELATED gallery: Six weird things that make you happy

Photo credit: Shutterstock