Juanita Phillips

My son turns nine soon, and we’re busy planning his birthday party. There’ll be a SpongeBob SquarePants cake. He and I will be wearing our SpongeBob T-shirts. There’ll be takeaway pizza and a sleepover. “Mama,” the birthday boy says to me at least once a day, with great seriousness. “I’m just so, so excited about my birthday party.” That’s the wonderful thing about being almost nine: you don’t tend to overthink the party issue. You don’t worry that nobody will show up. No, when you’re nearly nine years old, you just tell all your friends to bring a really big present, and you can’t sleep for excitement.

I don’t turn 50 until later in the year, but I’ve decided I am going to throw myself a birthday party. I’m nervous—I’ve never done it before. Partly because, until now, life has been so busy. There was always some big upheaval—moving interstate or overseas, changing jobs, falling in love/breaking up, getting married, having babies, getting divorced…

Until recently, I had always thought that having a party purely for myself was the ultimate act of self-indulgence. The idea that people would want to take time out from their busy lives, demanding jobs and tight schedules to attend one long festival of “moi” seemed terrifyingly arrogant to me. “Oh, get over yourself,” encourages a close and very honest friend who celebrates her birthday
every year without fail. “It’s 50! You have to!” And here’s the thing: I actually want to.

For the first time ever, I feel totally at peace with who I am, and where I am in my life. Trust me, it didn’t come easily—I’m a slow learner! But at 49, after what has without doubt been the most difficult decade of my life, I feel like I’m finally getting the message. One of the things I’ve learned first-hand of late is that hard times really are gifts in disguise. After all, when life is going smoothly, there’s little, if any, motivation for reflection and self-improvement. Another is that we’re all in this together.

Life throws random bombshells at everyone. We all struggle; it’s what connects us. Reach out to others in times of crisis and it’s more than likely you’ll be overwhelmed by the love and support you receive. Don’t get me wrong, career success is fun. But all that really matters is relationships—with yourself, with your family and with other people. You don’t even need a lot of friends. One true friend is worth a thousand of the virtual kind on Facebook.

We need to work at keeping life simple and quiet. We need time with our loved ones and time on our own. Learning to enjoy solitude: that’s an important one. Some people walk or meditate—I practise yoga and it’s literally transformed my outlook on life. In my 50th year, I have finally learned that life never stops throwing things at us. There is joy and heartbreak in equal measure.

Life can change in seconds with a phone call or an email. Realising that has helped me to truly appreciate the good times and to more graciously endure the bad. So when I throw that birthday party for myself, I won’t be worried nobody will come. A few good friends and my children will suit me just fine. Every day we are here on this earth is a gift, I’ve learned. And that’s one thing definitely worth celebrating.