Yahoo Lifestyle How to help your child make friends
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A few lucky parents will have naturally confident tots who’ll quickly make friends – though these brave social souls are often the same toddlers who race off and talk to anyone, including strangers, creating other worries for mums and dads.
Typically, though, many toddlers will only slowly learn to make friends. In fact, some naturally anxious toddlers will initially resist the idea, even hiding behind mum or dad when faced with new people, despite encouragement to play with new kids.
Mostly, this is all within the rich tapestry of normal development. Some kids find it harder to initially make friends, whether it’s because they’re slightly more shy, less sure of themselves or perhaps less creative and adaptive in play at this early stage. Some children find it harder to make friends because of normal developmental differences, such as having slower social development, less-advanced motor skills or later language development.
These tots are often more content to be alone, as they find it harder to communicate and interact. Unless your toddler is extremely frightened by play or totally withdrawing, rest assured there’s no real cause for concern.
Slow and steady
It’s important for toddlers to gradually and steadily learn to make friends, as early interactions are the building blocks of later social success. Through making friends, toddlers learn very important values, such as sharing, caring for others, being patient and adapting to different social situations.
This being said, it’s critical not to force your child to make friends early, or to get caught up in competitive parent battles about having the greatest number of playdates!
Encouraging your child to make friends begins in small, graduated steps, not giant leaps. Toddlers have to progress through peripheral play, parallel play and finally cooperative play before they can really make friends. This means you need to let your toddler watch interaction from a distance then slowly move to playing alongside other children, before supporting her in making the step to interact and cooperate with friends.
Watch and learn
Often toddlers don’t see the need to make friends, as they’re completely content in their parents’ company and with their own array of wonderful, stimulating toys. A very first step towards encouraging making friends, then, is to remove familiar toys briefly, even to just encourage observing other toddlers at play. Tots will gravitate towards others who are playing if they don’t have favourite toys at hand.
Playdates are still a way off at this point and forcing a toddler to play one-on-one with another child, particularly when she’s tired and cranky at the end of the day, will usually end in tears or fights. Rather, try to go along to a playgroup or similar group with your child, ideally in the morning, where there are open rules regarding how long you attend. Keep it short to begin with, intervening if things deteriorate (when it’s better to leave and try another day).
Another simple step towards starting friendships is to have other mums or dads visit with similar-aged toddlers. This is more of a get-together for the parents than a toddler playdate. Begin by reassuring your toddler, but toddlers also seem to sense that if parents are interacting confidently, then they can as well. It helps shy and less-confident toddlers to have the same items or toys to play with, but avoid over-engineering play. Instead, encourage friendly play with supportive words such as, “Let’s share with Grace, we can have more fun that way...”
Once some success occurs, you can begin arranging playdates, but ensure that toddlers are not forced to totally interact through the whole playdate.
Friendly support
When it comes to making friends, your toddler will need lots of praise and encouragement, such as for being nice to new children, sharing well or being patient. Try to be animated and encouraging about how your child can have more fun and achieve more by playing with friends, too.
If your toddler isn’t thriving in this area, keep up your attendance at group settings, as these can be a big help. They’re also a fantastic way to meet new friends of your own. Speech therapists and occupational therapists can also work with toddlers on the skills that underpin making friends and, finally, if your child really can’t make friends, it’s best to see a paediatrician or child psychologist to discuss her individual social development.
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