Yahoo Lifestyle Undercover angel: leaving littlies with their grandparents
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"She's been an absolute angel," my mum says to me as she hands over the six-year-old.
"Yes, of course she was," I mutter with just the slightest hint of resentment. "She's always an angel for us," Mum says, smiling beatifically at my child. "Aren't you, darling?"
"Yes, Nana," my daughter angelically replies. And I want to smack them both right there.
This way and that
I'm deeply grateful to my parents for helping me out with my kids. As a single mum of three, I need all the help that I can get. But I can't help but feel irritated when they remind me every single time how perfect my children are in their custody, when they are so blatantly imperfect in my own.
I adore my kids, and they are genuinely great people. But they are all challenging in different ways, and the six-year-old is challenging in the most numerous and varied. She dances when she should be getting dressed. She refuses to eat her meals. She runs out of the bedroom at sleep time. She stands still when she should be walking. And she refuses to share her toys while demanding that others share theirs with her.
Except... she doesn't do any of this at my parents' place. At my parents' place, apparently, she gets dressed on demand, eats two servings of dinner, goes to sleep at 7pm, trots along at a brisk pace, and plays beautifully with others at all times. Or so they tell me.
Related: strengthening the grandparent bond
A fair trade
Now, I know my parents aren't claiming to be better parents than me. (It may be implied, but they're certainly not stating it outright.) But it irritates me nonetheless. I don't want to hear how fabulous my child is in their company. I want to hear that she's happy, and that my parents are happy, and that they've all had a wonderful time. I just don't wish to know that she behaved like Cindy from The Brady Bunch, because she definitely doesn't do that at home, and so what on earth is wrong with me?
Of course, my rational mind reassures me that children always behave better for other people than for their parents. It's normal. For one thing, they live with us all the time, and so have far more opportunities to misbehave. For another thing, we're the closest people to them, with whom it is safe to explore limits and regularly push the boundaries.
Even more significantly, grandparents are not the same as parents. Grandparents are all care, and no responsibility. They're free to spoil my children and send them on their way. Of course my daughter is going to behave perfectly for Nana and Papa when they are both there, giving her their full attention, indulging her every whim, and offering 'special treats' for no special reason at all!
So I will smile and nod and bite my tongue when my mother returns my 'perfect' child. Because I got three hours free babysitting from her, and a bit of gloating is but a small price to pay.
