Yahoo Lifestyle Sex during pregnancy and after birth
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From the time your pregnancy is confirmed, your life will change.
Some changes are physical, such as tiredness, pain and leaky breasts, and some are psychological, such as fear of labour or of becoming a parent. Like the versatile creatures human beings are, though, you will survive as a couple in a happier state if you learn to adapt and communicate with one another.
According to Dr Vivienne Cass, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, there is no reason why a healthy woman can’t have sex during pregnancy.
“Many women say that with the changes in pregnancy, in terms of hormones...they actually feel more sexual and more aware,” adds the author of The Elusive Orgasm: A woman’s guide to why she can’t and how she can orgasm (Rockpool Publishing).
Related: how to enjoy baby-making sex
Go with the flow
In pregnancy’s first trimester you may look the same, but changes within your body can make you more tired than you ever believed possible, with the added bonus of nausea and vomiting. Not exactly the cocktail to make you feel like chandelier-rattling sex, but Dr Cass says it’s vital that even if couples don’t make love they retain the closeness of their relationship through touch and communication.
In the second trimester, as the tiredness and nausea ease, the extra blood supply to your erogenous zones may have you feeling sexier. Many women are also feeling pleased about their blossoming pregnant shape at this time, and are generally feeling good about what they’ve achieved.
It’s often not such a breeze in the third trimester, when heartburn, backache and other pregnancy side effects, as well as your ever-increasing belly size, may cramp your style. But any physical impediments can be overcome by imagination and flexibility.
Positions that can work later in pregnancy include woman on top; spooning or side-by-side position; kneeling with your back towards your partner; lying on the edge of the bed with your bottom to your partner; and side by side facing one another.
Dr Cass also suggests exploring alternatives to sex such as masturbation and massage. Nipple stimulation often feels pleasant and can also help prepare your nipples for breastfeeding (some say it can bring on an overdue labour, too, and there’s no harm in trying).
If you are a single mum, you still have the need for closeness and sexual intimacy. Don’t forget the condoms, though, because although the risk of pregnancy is gone, sexually transmitted illnesses don’t discriminate.
Related gallery: babymoons - the perfect pregnancy getaway
Let’s talk about sex
"Will sex bring on early labour?"
Although you can get contractions following orgasm, this is normal and should not last more than a minute. Orgasm will not bring on labour unless your body is ready for it.
It’s often suggested that overdue women will benefit from sex due to the high levels of prostaglandins (hormones that bring on labour) in semen, but this hasn’t been scientifically proven.
“We made love and now I’m spotting”
A small blood loss, known as ‘postcoital bleed’, is common after sex. This can be from ruptured polyps on the cervix and should stop within a few hours;it is usually brownish-red in colour and is a spotting only.
“She’s preoccupied. I feel left out”
It’s natural for you to become more involved with your body, but try to include your partner and talk about the changes that are happening.
“He’s not interested in sex”
This can be because he doesn’t think of a pregnant woman as sexual, or he’s fearful of hurting you or the baby. Reassure him that the baby is cushioned in the amniotic sac and is not hurt when you make love. Keep up the touch and communication.
After bub arrives
Resuming sex after your baby is born will depend on factors such as the type of delivery you had, if you have stitches or have had a caesarean section, and whether your baby is a good sleeper. The main issues are pain and tiredness.
Dr Cass cautions that if couples have penetrative sex too soon after the birth – before the perineum (the area around the vaginal opening and anus) has healed properly – it can be painful and uncomfortable for the female and create apprehension around the idea of sex in the future. Women who have had difficult deliveries are particularly at risk of future problems if they rush to resume their sex life too early.
The Australian Breastfeeding Association has an excellent booklet called Sex and the Breastfeeding Woman, which has advice for the first time you have sex postnatally (and it’s a good read if you are bottlefeeding too). They suggest you massage oil into your perineum after the wound has healed, then put your fingers in the vagina and gently stretch. Use lubricant or massage oil when you first have sex or have a bath before sex, or sex during the bath. Making love on the edge of the bed with your bottom facing your partner will help keep pressure off the wound.
If you’ve had a caesar, follow your doctor’s advice – this is usually to refrain from intercourse until after your 6-week check-up, when your wound should have adequately healed, and gradually ease yourself back into it.
Just too tired…
Tiredness is difficult to overcome, especially if your baby wakes frequently at night. Early on, it may be a matter of quality instead of quantity. You will get back to normal, but in the meantime:
Don’t get caught in the superwoman trap – sleep when your baby sleeps
Eat well and try to exercise, especially those pelvic floor muscles
Turn off the TV and go to bed
Plan ahead for intimate time with your partner
Don’t wait for night-time. If bub’s asleep, take the phone off the hook.
Try this
When you’re tired during pregnancy, Dr Cass recommends starting off with touch and massage, and if high-energy sex isn’t what you want afterwards, then self-masturbation while in close contact is an alternative for you or your partner.
If your breasts are tender or leaking, feed your baby beforehand, wear a bra with nipple pads, or put a towel on the bed. Avoid pressure on your breasts and ask your partner to be gentle.
On the subject of breastfeeding, research shows it decreases testosterone and raises prolactin levels, which may decrease your sex drive. Dr Cass says this situation can continue for up to a year after breastfeeding, however women are not just a product of their hormones – tricks such as thinking about sex during the day and about times when you’ve had great sex can help to get you in the mood.
It’s important that as well as lovely baby cuddles, you think about your partner and the thrill of adult touch. Women with other children often feel they’ve had all the touching they need for one day and would rather be left alone at bedtime. Talk, nonsexual massage or a bath can be bliss instead.
“Women’s sexuality is strongly governed by their psychology,” explains Dr Cass. “We need time to get in the mood, and in heterosexual relationships this often doesn’t happen.”
Postnatal depression also has a big impact on sexuality, and your lack of desire for intimacy may be a symptom of the problem. Seek help from your GP or go to Beyondblue
It’s important to take sexuality at your own pace. As Dr Cass says, “There is no such thing as normal.” If sex isn’t happening for you, read about it, talk to others, and if nothing seems to be working and you’re concerned, get help. Contact the Australian Psychology Association for a clinical psychologist specialising in sexuality.
Need more advice?
Sex and the Breastfeeding Woman, available from Australian Breastfeeding Association or call (03) 9885 0855.
For sexuality problems and postnatal depression, The Australian Psychological Society or call 1800 333 497,
