"I didn't want my mum at my labour"

At 30 weeks, my mother mentioned she had been present at every birth of her grandchildren. I took it as the obvious hint it was intended to be – that she had no intention of missing mine. My mum is Chilean and immigrated to Australia with our family in 1985. I was born in Australia three years later. Back in Chile, my mother, her sisters and their aunts all had their children in a room at home with the help of the women in the family, while the father waited patiently outside. However, my husband Blake and I had other plans. We had decided to keep the birth of our first child as an intimate moment between only ourselves. We just hadn’t told Mum yet and didn’t know how!

My waters broke the day before my due date, so we knew the baby was on its way. Contractions kicked in at midnight and I got out of bed around 2am and took some painkillers as the pain was becoming difficult. I got as comfortable as I could on the lounge and dozed on and off while I watched TV. At 5:30am the contractions were getting stronger so I woke Blake and we got ready to go to the hospital. We didn’t call to alert the family, we just packed the car and went off on our own. When we arrived at the hospital I was examined and told I was 5cm dilated. Halfway! My midwife said she expected the baby would arrive somewhere around lunchtime.

“Should we call for extra help?”

Blake had been very sick with a mystery illness throughout my pregnancy and has been recently diagnosed with Addison’s disease, a rare, chronic condition brought about by the failure of the adrenal glands. It makes him very weak and ill, especially in the morning. So, on the day of the birth of our child, I spent the morning in a deep bath while Blake was sick and needed to rest on the bed. My midwife would come in and ask how I was doing and if I needed any pain relief, and then ask if Blake was okay and if he needed any medication.

Lunchtime came and due to some complications my midwife made the call to induce me. It was at this point Blake turned to me and said, “I don’t think I can be here for you. Should we call someone for extra help?” As I took in what he was saying I felt this overwhelming sense of calm and empowerment. I knew my body was made to have a child, I knew I had the strength, I knew God was with me, and I knew I wanted this experience to be intimate, so I simply said, “No, we can do this.”

Three hours later our daughter Lucy was born. She measured 2.8kg and 47.5cm. It was a surreal moment as all through my pregnancy I had wanted to know if it was a boy or girl, but the moment she came out I genuinely didn’t care. All I wanted was to hear her cry and know she was healthy. Our midwife asked, “So, did you look?” and Blake and I turned to each other in shock and realised we had a baby girl. Lucy is the first granddaughter and great granddaughter on my husband’s side and the first granddaughter in 15 years on my family’s side as there have been seven boys born since the last time a granddaughter was born.

Mum’s disbelief

My mum was the first person we called. She didn’t believe me at first, she thought I was joking, but as soon as I said, “She’s on my chest,” Mum burst out crying and arrived at the hospital within half an hour. It was lovely to have her there and she helped me shower while Blake had some bonding time with Lucy. Despite not being there for the birth, my mum didn’t get angry or upset. I’m sure she was disappointed, but she has never showed it or resented us for it. I still get emotional thinking that I kept that moment from her knowing how much she wanted to be there, yet she dropped everything and came to help me anyway.

Mum held Lucy for a short time and then concentrated on me. She washed my hair, washed my feet, and bought me fresh pyjamas. She always made sure I was comfortable in my bed, and when I wanted to walk she helped me get up and supported me. I don’t think I could have understood more of what it really means to be a mum than in those moments.

The love my mother has for me and her family is so pure, and I hope that I can be just as loving, committed and caring to my children as she is to me.