Do you use controlled crying?

After 10 months of sleepless nights Emily found that controlled crying helped son, Mason, learn to sleep through.

My son, Mason, was a terrible sleeper. He’d nap for 40 minutes before waking to be comforted. He did this all day and night, and the only things that would help settle him were a feed or a dummy. After six months I was still getting up to feed him three times a night and 10 times more to replace his lost dummy. Both Mason and I weren’t getting much rest. He was very sensitive and grisly, and I was stressed out and miserable. I tried lots of sleeping techniques but nothing worked.

When Mason was 10 months a friend suggested a book she had used. The book was about controlled crying, although they didn’t refer to it as that. The basic premise was you set bub’s bedtime, sing a song or tell a story, tell him it’s time for sleep, lay him in his cot, say goodnight and leave the room. After a short while, assuming he was still crying, you would go back in, give him a quick cuddle or a pat, let him know you love him, then reaffirm it’s time to go to sleep. You then leave the room and if he continued to cry you would wait for longer stretches of time before going back in. The idea was that eventually your baby would realise you were not going to come running every time he woke up and learn to get himself off to sleep without crying out for you.

I have to admit I struggled with it as I think it’s natural to want to comfort your baby when he’s crying. The first night was incredibly hard, as it took Mason three hours to finally go to sleep.

The second night took about an hour and he only woke once during the night. By the fourth night he was sleeping right through. He was so much happier when he was awake and I was getting more sleep, too.

Sleep deprivation is dreadful. Without good sleep no-one functions properly, so any difficulties need to be sorted out. Using this method wasn’t an easy choice, but it was the right one for our situation. Mason is now four years old and a brilliant sleeper. He’s a perfectly healthy, happy little boy who is certainly not damaged from the experience. And while I don’t recommend this method as the first to try, and it’s definitely not recommended for babies under six months of age, I would use it again if I felt I needed to.

Mum, Terry, looked into a variety of other methods to help her daughter Carla’s sleep issues.

I have an 18-year gap between my youngest child and my four older children. When Carla, my youngest, arrived I thought given my experience I’d be ready to handle anything. However, Carla was a very unsettled baby and would only sleep when being held in my or her father’s arms. She found it hard to go to and stay asleep, and was distressed by noise and busy places.

Carla had sleep issues but I made the conscious decision not to use controlled crying, as my instincts were to comfort her when she was unhappy. It’s taken three years for Carla to sleep through the night. Along the way I’ve found diet adjustments, sensory occupational therapy and cranial therapy more in line with what felt right for us.

I felt Carla wanted to sleep, she just struggled to be able to, so while I was breastfeeding I took a good look at my diet. I found that when I replaced cows’ milk with rice milk she was a much calmer baby, so I removed dairy yogurt and cheese from my diet, too.

I read an article about cranial osteopathy as a treatment for babies and took Carla to a practitioner. I had felt a big clunk as Carla pushed through during her birth and suspected there may have been some cranial pressure as a result, which her osteopath confirmed. She had a few treatments and over time they seemed to help with sleep, but we had to be gentle and learn how much she could tolerate. I also researched sensory processing disorder (SPD), where a child’s senses are either over or under sensitive. I took Carla to an occupational therapist who specialised in SPD and we learned about different ways of helping her stay calm and to regulate her senses better, which also helped with better sleeping.

I’m glad we were able to recognise Carla had genuine problems and was not just a child that may have settled after a few nights of screaming. We are still working through it. Carla has just started school and we are still co-sleeping, but I keep reminding myself that in some cultures this is normal, so it’s about supporting her. I would encourage other parents to seek help with their babies if they are unsettled and crying, and to follow their instincts about what feels right. I would also encourage them to think about possible birth trauma, allergies, reflux and other potential issues that could be causing sleeping problems, and find supportive health professionals.