Timing it right: choosing the best age gap between bubs

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The night after I gave birth to my first baby, I turned to my husband and said, "It'll be a really long time until we have another one." He looked at me wearily and nodded in agreement. It came as a big surprise, then, when eight months later I found out I was pregnant again. I hadn't even recovered from the first experience! Sometimes life takes you by surprise and you aren't able to plan a subsequent bub. But if you do have the opportunity to consider the age gaps between your kids, here's some food for thought...

The right gap for you
How many children you’d like and how close together in age they'll ideally be is of course a very personal decision, though there are a few outside factors that can influence the timing of things. Your age is one of the big ones, as female fertility declines with age, and quite steeply after the age of 35. "Sometimes you might need to go for the extra baby before it's too late," says Dr Bronwyn Harman, psychology lecturer and families expert at Edith Cowan University. She reminds that pregnancy may not come as easy the second time around (even if you're trying soon after your first bub, 'secondary infertility' can strike), so this is something to factor into your plans, too.

You probably don't need reminding, but babies are expensive little cuties, which is why finances are another thing to take into account. Would it be best to have time to save some money and accrue work entitlements before it's back to one budget for a while? Or are you in a good place financially and ready to strike while the iron is hot? Once you have your finances sorted, think about your other kids' stages of development, including their sleeping and eating, advises Dr Harman. Likewise, if you're planning or going through any major life events, for example moving house or relationship instability, it may not be a good idea to add another bub to the brood. Dr Harman suggests that adding a baby to an already stressful situation should be thought through carefully.

The added stress of another littlie can also take a toll on your health. Are you ready to have another child both physically and emotionally? Did you have a pleasant first birth experience? Did you suffer from postnatal depression? Dr Harman acknowledges these are important questions to answer so appropriate plans are in place to ensure your health and wellbeing is catered for.

Related: how to raise siblings who love each other

What’s great about a close age gap
Deciding to have your babies close together can have some great benefits, according to mums who have been there, done that. These include reduced time in 'baby mode'- you get all the nappies, sleepless nights and the other early-development phases over in one (relatively big!) hit - and the fact that as your kids grow the developmental gap decreases, so the littlies will most likely enjoy the same activities. As well as being great for bonding this can be a financial perk, as can the fact that big-ticket items such as prams and clothes can be reused for the next child without being out of date in terms of style and safety essentials.

Childcare arrangements may be easier for you, with little ones who are closer together in age able to attend the same facility, and this can make the adjustment easier for the kids, as they have a sibling to comfort them. A smaller age gap between kids can also see the elder child become more independent ('I'm a big kid, not like the baby'), and the new baby may also settle better as he fits in with the family routine.

The pluses for a long age gap
Of course, there are also a number of benefits in having children further apart. With a larger age gap, your firstborn will get to enjoy more one-on-one attention in her early years and the next baby may also have more one-on-one time as the older one spends her days at school. Your older child will learn to help out and may feel more independent being able to assist with her younger sibling, and may also be able to help mentor and guide him as he grows. For you as a parent, you may feel wiser, more mature and confident in yourself, which can be reflected positively in your parenting.

You're likely to have already developed a unified approach with your partner, as well. With an older child sleeping through the night, you'll hopefully have more time and energy to enjoy your new baby's early years and be able to deal with the change in routine. It's also easier to explain to an older kid what can be expected with a new baby in the home - she has the opportunity to ask you questions and become more informed about the changes occurring within the family unit.

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