Yahoo Lifestyle "She Became Very, Very Toxic": Former Friends Are Opening Up About Why They Broke Up With Their Besties, And It's Sadly Relatable
Recently, we asked the Buzzfeed Community to share stories of their most painful or significant friendship breakups. Here's what they had to say:
1.She’d been my best friend since 5th grade. We got together every college break, we lived three blocks apart, and she was my bridesmaid. I moved about 50 miles away after I got married. She met a guy who didn’t like me, and I was neutral about him. We didn’t get together as couples, but we still met up a few times a year. She married him and didn’t invite me to the wedding, as I had moved, and she 'didn’t know how to get in touch with me.' She had been calling my parents’ phone number since we were 10 [years old]. Our parents still lived three blocks apart. I took the hint."
2."I was part of a tight-knit friends group from high school until our early 30s. We did meal trains for each other during hard life events, cared for one another’s families after significant surgeries, etc. A couple of years ago, one member of our group announced she was pregnant, and we were all elated — or so I thought. Another girl in the group (who had recently found out her partner was infertile, although she said it wasn’t a big deal because they didn’t want kids anyway) slowly started getting more and more unhinged."
"It started with her quietly expressing jealousy but then took a truly strange turn: she started buying and then abandoning exotic pets, presumably to get attention or fill some kind of void. We tried to reason with her because she was like a sister to us — but things went more and more off the rails.
Finally, one day, we apparently didn’t 'laugh react' enough to a meme she sent the group chat, and she went nuclear and deleted herself from the chat and went incommunicado with all but one of us. When I pressed her for details, since she and I were perhaps the closest, she sent me a friendship breakup letter saying she didn’t want to deal with our problems anymore and I should 'have a nice life.'
The one member of the group she willingly maintained contact with sided with her (despite previously having been the most vocal about how messed up the whole exotic pet abandonment phase was) and left our group as well. Basically, we’re now a group of three, and the vibe is totally destroyed. Despite my shock and hurt at first, I don’t really miss either of the two who left anymore; time has proven that they were more of a source of toxicity than true friendship. That said, I DEEPLY miss the vibe of our crew, which is seemingly gone for good."
3."Best of friends for over 15 years; I was pregnant at the end of Covid and gave birth at the end of 2021. Fast forward to the end of 2022, things had mostly 'returned to normal', and my best friend, who hadn't met my baby yet, made every excuse under the sun not to attend her 1st birthday party. So when I changed the date to accommodate her, and then suddenly there were multiple reasons why that new date didn't work, I knew it wasn't about the party. When confronted, she gave a curt, 'I don't have time for this,' and that was all she wrote."
4."My friendship with my former friend spanned decades, growing up together since elementary school and now in our 30s. We celebrated milestones together — I was a bridesmaid at her wedding, and we navigated life with a close-knit group of lifelong friends."
"But over the years, our bond faded as she became less engaged with any of us, rarely initiating plans or asking us questions, and overall seeming to be uninterested in any of our lives except her own. I was especially disheartened when I opened up to her about my dad’s deteriorating health and battle with stage 4 cancer — all I received in return was a dismissive, passive-aggressive wish for things to be different.Then, one day, seemingly out of the blue, she decided to block me and two other lifelong friends and bridesmaids, painting herself as the victim and martyr in our severed friendship. When my dad died two weeks later, she showed up at the funeral but didn’t even acknowledge my family or me to pay respects, even though she made a point to come through the funeral line rather than just sit down.This experience taught me a lot about friendship and the importance of mutual effort and care. Some friendships aren’t meant to last forever, and it’s okay to let go of those that don't bring support or reciprocated effort. I haven’t heard from her in any capacity since she initially blocked me, which is good because now I’m busy focusing on the friendships that truly nurture and uplift me rather than drain me."
5."I made the mistake of telling my best friend's wife that it isn't fair to refuse to get a job just because you want to focus on your 'art' that never sells and has never sold. My best friend used to be an artist too — it's how they met — but now he works all hours of the day to cover the bills and rent for himself and another grown adult. He'd love to also have the freedom to paint and be creative. Anyway, she decided I'm toxic, and now he's not allowed to speak to me."
6."I had a friend all through high school, and we became even closer after high school in our early twenties when one of my best guy friends was a guy she wanted to date. She was happy to be around when everything was a party, and I could get her access to being around said dude (who she did end up dating briefly until he dumped her). But when hardships happened in my life, and I needed a best friend's support, she started treating me like shit, ghosting me, bailing on me, and excluding me from things with mutual friends when I needed her most until finally, our friendship completely ended after I stood up for myself and told her how hurt I was."
"We never spoke again; 13 years of friendship gone just like that. I was devastated, but when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I'm married now, surrounded by loving and supportive friends, and from what I hear, she's lost a few more friends for similar reasons and is still single eight years later. I don't miss her at all anymore; I'm glad our friendship ended. I wouldn't be where or who I am today if it hadn't. Good riddance."
7."We lived about 45min from each other. Best friends for over 20 years. Our kids grew up together. We got together as much as we could. We always texted or talked on the phone. We’ve been through the death of parents and different phases of our lives (like going back to work). Last talked to her in April 2023, and the next month, she ghosted me. She kept me on social media for the longest time, but then she either blocked me or canceled her accounts. It is the most hurtful thing when someone ghosts you and won’t at least tell you why. I still have voicemail messages of her singing 'Happy Birthday' to me and telling me she loves me. I think about her, and when something happens, I want to call her. I miss her, and it makes me cry."
—Anonymous, 46, Virginia
8."Just recently, actually. I ended a roughly 15-year friendship. We've known each other since middle school. We got into a massive fight, and it put a lot of things into perspective, to be honest. I'll spare the details, but it started with a disagreement that most people would regularly just discuss, but because he disagreed with me, it turned into him gaslighting, insulting my intelligence (he actually used the words 'I don't think you understand how this works'), and being incredibly condescending."
"In the days that followed, I realized that I was done. I wasn't going to keep someone around who routinely treated me like this, who acts like you're outright wrong if you disagree with them even over the smallest things and will sit there arguing with you about it to the ends of the earth, who takes everything so personally, and quite frankly is the most negative person I've ever been around.
It just became so soul-sucking after this long. At the end of the day, I don't think he's a bad person; he has been a really good friend when it mattered, and I'm aware I'm not faultless in the falling out. I chose to walk away from the friendship because I don't want to surround myself with people who treat me like that and the constant negativity. It's really bittersweet, but overall, I feel better for ending it.I wish him the best and hope that everything works out well for him; I just won't be around for it."
9."She knew that I was in love with this guy, the first one I had loved since my 3-year relationship, and told him that I didn’t really love him and that I was playing him. She destroyed my relationship with him, and I didn’t figure out she had done this until seven months later when he finally told me what had happened — we repaired our relationship, but it wasn’t the same. I cut ties immediately with my best friend, but it’s hard because I could’ve been truly happy with him, and the time we were wedged apart by her changed him too much."
10."My best friend of 14 years ghosted me after my husband and I divorced. It was a very acrimonious divorce, yet she refused to return any of my calls. Her brother was going through a bad divorce at the same time, and it might be that she could not handle the pressure of two divorces. But it would have been nice of her to tell me that. Especially when I had just gotten out of the hospital and learned he was cheating."
"I was such a good friend to her: threw her a great surprise birthday party, got her exactly what she wanted for her birthday, and treated her to a Bruce Springsteen concert when her cat died, among other niceties. I never expected to be ostracized by her, but one can never predict the future. But her and my ex's actions at the same time were heartbreaking. It took me years to actually trust someone, and they are few and far in my universe."
11."My bestie and I had a breakup of sorts. I loved her, but when her boyfriend broke up with her, she became very, very toxic. I don’t know if she had always been that way, but I didn’t see that side. For three weeks, all we would talk about was her breakup and if I thought he would come back to her. Then she told me about how she stalked his location and saw he was at an apartment complex she didn’t recognize."
"SO SHE WENT AND SAT IN THE PARKING LOT TRYING TO SEE WHICH APARTMENT HE CAME OUT OF. Then, the next week, she was obsessing over some guy she works with — and then followed him on all socials and was posting thirst traps when he said he was seeing someone. She showed me some of her true self-centered colors, and I realized she wasn’t a friend I wanted in my life."
12."My best friend ghosted me when my mum went through stage 3 cancer treatment. She had just had her first baby at the time, which I was excited and supportive about. Visited, cuddled, bought gifts, and checked in on her regularly to see how they were doing. Never asked me in return how my mum was doing, or how I was coping (which I wasn't). Then, out of the blue, one day, I received a long message about how she felt we had drifted apart due to my lack of involvement with her baby and pregnancy, that all I ever spoke about was cancer, and as a result, she didn’t feel we should be friends anymore. It couldn’t have been further from the truth."
"I even went as far as sending her dairy alternatives when her baby had a reaction to dairy, so neither she nor the baby could eat it; I am a vegan, so I sent her lots of alternatives I use and recommended. But I, according to her, had not put any effort into our friendship. I also never mentioned my mum's cancer around her as it was a safe space to not be constantly reminded of it. I didn’t even get to respond to the message before she blocked and deleted me on everything. We live in the same village, so I see her sometimes, and she looks right through me as though I am a stranger. Mum beat the cancer, by the way, and is several years in the clear. 💪🏻 😘"
—Anonymous, UK
13."She slept with someone I dated, told me after the fact, and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. She didn’t get what she did wrong. She said that it 'just happened,' 'she didn’t plan it,' and that if it were her, she wouldn’t care — it’s more about timing. I didn’t even care about the other person; it was more about her lack of care and concern for our friendship. She didn’t think or consider whether she would be hurting me; she just acted, damn the consequences. I felt she didn’t value our friendship or me."
—Anonymous
14."The friendship was great for the first year and a half. We did everything together; her daughters were like my own. I was at her house literally every weekend. Then I got a boyfriend. She freaked out on me. Told me I was moving too fast, and I’m 'desperate to not be alone forever.' Like duh? Nobody wants to be alone forever. I was almost 33."
"For the next six months, she would gaslight me, telling me she supported me in everything I was doing (during that time, I was going back to school; she said it was a bad idea, changing jobs; that wasn’t good because I was leaving her at the other job, met my boyfriend, who even after 6 months she refused to meet him but called him a bad person).
"In the end, I just couldn’t handle the abuse anymore. If things didn’t go exactly the way she wanted, it was my fault. If I confronted her about a problem I was having with her, she said I was just playing the victim. I walked on eggshells around her, and I was sick of it. So I texted her one day and said, “We can’t be friends anymore. Don’t text back. No, why, no thumbs up, nothing. I’m done,” and that’s that."
—Anonymous, 33, Nebraska
15."My entire life was imploding. I had just moved to a completely different town, hours and hours away from where I'd lived my whole life, and I had just found out my wife had a crush on someone else. I turned to my best friend (and cousin) for support, and she supported me at first, but then, out of nowhere, she decided she couldn't be my friend anymore. We'd known each other our whole lives. But poof. Over 25 years of friendship out the window. It's been almost two years since that day. I miss her all the time. I cycle between grief and anger over it, and I'm at a loss over what to do about it. If she reads this, she'll know it's about her. It's way too specific. I just want to know what happened, truthfully."
—Anonymous, 30, Canada
16."I met this girl at church, and we soon became inseparable. We hung out all the time and were constantly texting or Snapchatting together, and everyone knew we were two peas in a pod. She was the first real friend I was ever vulnerable with; she knew all my secrets, and I knew hers. As time went on, I could feel a shift between us but wasn’t too worried about it until I saw one day that she looked at my Snapchat story, but it wasn’t showing that she was still my friend on there."
"I was super confused, so I hopped on Facebook and Instagram to see that she unfriended/unfollowed me and deleted every picture of me. And that was it, she never told me what happened or if I did something wrong, absolutely nothing! I was heartbroken, and to this day, six years later, I still have no idea what went wrong. Because of this, I have had trouble making friends and being vulnerable. It still hurts, but I wish her well."
—Sarah, 29, Virginia
17."We were best friends since fifth grade. We were part of a trio, and the three of us were as close as could be. I had grown apart a bit from them when I moved away, but things kicked right back up when I moved back to the area. One of them got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was so happy but felt a little bit like I was a third wheel at times. At the bachelorette weekend, I felt really left out and out of place. I kept to myself a lot to try and make things easier on myself. After the weekend, the bride-to-be wouldn’t speak to me."
"When she finally did, she implied I had messed up the weekend. I told her I would remove myself from the wedding party and wished her the best of luck. The other friend never spoke to me again, either. It’s been almost ten years now. The two of them remained super close. I think about them a lot and wish them the best, but I still can’t believe how easily disposable our long-lasting friendship turned out to be."
—Jennifer, New York
18."At the end of my first year of university, I was left in a weird position to find new housemates (my three dormmates signed a lease without me). A girl I knew briefly from my hometown asked if I wanted to move in with her and her friends — I was so relieved! We went out the next night to see if we were a good fit, and I had one of the best nights that year! Over the course of the next three years, we became especially close. We were a unit, but we also had strong individual relationships. We shared everything, laughed constantly, and supported each other through a ton."
"What we all went through during our years of university was wild looking back. Tragedy and heartbreak on repeat. In the last year of my program, my Dad committed suicide. The girls knew about my complicated relationship with my Dad and that we had recently stopped speaking before he took his life.
I was devastated, angry, and felt immense guilt. When it came time for the funeral, one of my roommates (who I would call a best friend) said she wasn't going to be able to make it to my Dad's funeral. She had a school function and couldn't attend because she could not arrange a ride from that function to my small town hours away. I was a little surprised but tried to be understanding. A mutual friend of both of us attended my Dad's funeral and actually offered my roommate a ride (a 6-hour trip), which my roommate neglected to tell me.
I was really shocked and felt so blindsided by it. I felt like I needed her there; she was a pillar of my support system. After the funeral and my initial feelings had cooled, I laid out how hurt I was. But that, ultimately, it wasn't over — if she made the effort to heal this, then I would forgive her. I wrote this huge message to her, and she basically insinuated she did the best that she could at the time and never followed up past that. We have not spoken since. It turns out that we had kids the same year, but we were a few months apart. Wild how things can change."
—Anonymous, 31, Ontario
19."I'm in my 30s, so for the last few years, all of my social events have been friends' engagements, bachelorette parties, weddings, baby announcements, baby showers, kids' birthday parties. I was the maid of honor at a long-time friend's wedding and essentially felt like a punching bag for all of the stress. I started distancing myself because I felt every single conversation over the last three years had been about her and what next life milestone was coming up. I was there for all of them, provided round-the-clock support, and also spent a lot of money. After everything, it was my birthday, and I was told I was being selfish for wanting to celebrate. As a single friend — that's basically what you get to celebrate — your birthday. I actually just cut ties after that and realized I was all set, but it still hurts to feel nothing was reciprocated."
—Anonymous
20."I met my best friend 30 years ago. We had worked together but did not become friends until I changed jobs. We did so many things together. We talked every day. We shared heartache and joy. We experienced both our sons being imprisoned. We cried, we hugged, we coped together. Holidays were spent together. My husband considered her one of the family.
He showed her kindness and allowed me great patience when she was having a meltdown. After she had a major operation, he and I took care of her for weeks. My husband began to get forgetful so we decided to move to Florida to be near my son. When we moved, we gave her thousands of dollars worth of tools, furniture, and miscellaneous items.
For a few months after the move, she would take my phone calls, and then, for no reason, she cut off all communication. A year later, my husband of 55 years died. I returned to our home state to bury him. She never came to the funeral. No card. No call. After many months, I was able to come to terms with the fact she was truly not my friend. Life goes on."
—Anonymous, 72, Florida
21."I was friends with a woman for 20 years. We met when we were around seven years old, and it was such a good friendship. Unfortunately, I ended up in an abusive relationship. She tried to help me see what was going on, but I was in too deep, and she finally had enough and stopped talking to me. I left my abuser and tried to reconnect with her, with the understanding that she may not want to. Sure enough, she left me on read. I was really broken up about it, but when I'd gained perspective, I could see things from her side. I still miss her now, and I hope she's doing well."
—Anonymous
22.And finally, "I'm going through one now. I was friends with a woman for 10+ years. I was in her bridal party; she was in mine. She is a drag-queen-brunches, protesting-for-abortion-rights, feminist liberal. The problem started last year; she found out her husband voted for Trump in 2020 and lied to her about it. Then he voted for Trump again this time around. She found out and went to our mutual friend's for the weekend to think about what to do."
"During this time, I let her know that I never liked him for her. And how could she trust him if he could lie to her about something so important? And how are their values/morals the same if he's so different from her? And what happens if the baby that they're trying for (not pregnant yet) ends up a girl? Is he going to protect her from all the things Trump is doing to women now?She chose to stay with him and has stopped talking to me. Which means she wasn't the person I thought she was. Actions speak louder than words, and she chose to support a fascist — and have a child with him — rather than live by the morals/values/people that I'm still fighting for. If she's anything like the woman I thought she was, she's going to be miserable, and I don't understand why she would stay. And if she's not that woman who have I been friends with for the last decade... how did I not see her?"
—Anonymous, 40s
Do any of these stories hit close to home for you? Do they make you want to end a friendship or try to save one? Have you had your own friendship breakup you want to share? Let us know in the comments. You can also fill out this form if you prefer to remain anonymous.
Comments have been edited for length and clarity.
