People Are Sharing Their "I'm Dating An Idiot" Stories, And Wow, I Didn't Know People Like This Were Real

I want to start off by saying that intelligence isn't everything. Plus, there are many different kinds of intelligence! So, smarts aren't everything. But as these Reddit stories show, smarts can sometimes end a relationship.

Andy Samberg and Melissa Fumero, wrapped in blankets, lie on a bed looking at each other with surprised expressions

Here are the 18 funniest and most face-palm-worthy stories of people dating someone who was...maybe lacking a little in the aforementioned smarts:

1."They put shrimp in my food to see if I am really allergic to seafood or just being 'dramatic.' Anaphylaxis occurred, EpiPen deployed, ambulance trip. The hospital suggested I press charges. They never admitted it was the wrong thing to do. They never apologized."


2."In my early 20s, I started living with my boyfriend at the time. I got my period, and he demanded to know what I had done with the egg. Folks, this 21-year-old man, whose mother was a nurse, and who had a sister that had just given birth to twins, thought that human women LAID AN EGG when they had their period."

A plain, single egg standing upright on a neutral background

3."When they tried to argue with me about whether babies can breathe underwater or not. Pro tip: They can't."


4."Not sure if she's the idiot or her friend. She got a tattoo from her friend with the word 'Angle' on it. Obviously it was supposed to say 'Angel.'"


5."Had a boy try to convince me that he didn't need to use a condom because I couldn't get pregnant while he was taking antibiotics. (Would have been the first time we got physical; I noped out when he would not tell me why he was taking them — I still think I dodged a bullet.)"

Jay-Z, wearing a sleeveless top and a necklace, appears pensive, looking down with a slightly furrowed brow in this candid image
Roc Nation

6."We had a heated debate about whether or not dinosaurs were alive during the American Revolution. Her stance was, 'There’s really no way to know.'"


7."Google had an April Fool's joke one year where if you lick your phone screen, you can actually taste the object of what's being displayed on the screen. Needless to say, she did it several times and said it didn't work."


8."She said that the temperature in her house never changed, so she couldn't understand why she was always hot/cold. She had never taken the packaging off of the digital thermometer, so she was just looking at a sticker that said 72 degrees."


9."I took her out to dinner, and gave her two options: an Italian restaurant or just, like, a regular restaurant where they served all kinds of stuff. She said she really hated Italian food, so we went to the regular restaurant. Where she ordered lasagna."


10."An ex dropped me off for the first day at a job. He was late picking me up, and when I called 30 minutes after my closing shift to see what was up, he said it was because the car was stolen. I called to find another ride so a friend came to get me instead. [My ex] had driven across the street to get a soda AND WALKED HOME. HE FORGOT THE CAR. We saw it on the way back to the apartment."


11."We were watching the movie Se7en, where each murder is tied to one of the seven deadly sins. The first victim was found murdered after being force-fed to death, with the big reveal being when they found the sin written on the wall behind a fridge or something. I will never forget the sound of [my ex's] voice as they moved the fridge aside to reveal the sin, and he slowly started to realize which one it was… 'Ooooooooohhhhhh. Gluten.'"


12."My ex would find a recipe online, not follow it, and blame the recipe for being shit. Things like subbing breadcrumbs with flour, adding pepper flakes in dishes that are not spicy. Those were the most disgusting Swedish meatballs I've ever had."

Three meatballs with toothpicks, garnished with herbs and served with sauce on a white background

13."He kept littering. I really hate littering. The day he spit his gum out on the sidewalk of a zoo I called him out on it. He said, 'It will evaporate.' I laughed and said, 'That's funny, but no, seriously, you should just use the trash can.' He gave me a confused look. That's when I realized he was serious. He was so convinced that trash evaporates in the sun that we had a full-on debate about it."


14."We watched Shrek, and she didn't believe that the guy who voiced Shrek was the same guy who played Austin Powers because 'their accents aren't the same.' I explained that it was the same actor doing different voices. She couldn't fathom it. When I told her that Austin Powers's voice wasn't the actor's real voice either, that was too much for her to handle."

Shrek animated character saying "No!" with a surprised expression against a blue sky background



15."When I mentioned that a particular restaurant made their own pickles, and he firmly corrected me, informing me that 'pickles grow on bushes.'"


16."Ex of my best friend thought that a (online) cloud is located in the actual clouds and was really concerned about his data getting lost when it started raining. Dude was 19 and working in trades."


17."We were eating curry, and we got talking about rice. She didn't believe that a rice plant produced more than one grain. 'Now that would be an incredible amount of rice plants just for our meal,' got her to start thinking she might be wrong."


18."We were in the forest discussing a possible pregnancy scare. She wanted to 'knock on wood.' She walked up to a tree and asked me, 'This is made of wood, right?' Bless her heart. (Thank God she wasn't pregnant...)"


So, do YOU have a story where you realized you were dating an idiot? Let us know in the comments or by using this anonymous form, and your story might be featured in a future BuzzFeed Community post or video!