Yahoo Lifestyle People Are Opening Up About Their Deepest Regrets In Life, And It's Absolutely Gut-Wrenching
Regrets are a part of life — we all have them. In the best cases, they provide us with opportunities for personal growth and help us become better people. In the worst cases, they act like giant boulders pressing down upon us that we can't get out from under, no matter how hard we try.
Over on Quora, people have been answering the question, "What is your biggest regret in life?" Their confessional responses are profoundly moving and thought-provoking. Take a look:
Warning: This post includes mentions of child loss and drug addiction.
1."It's a simple one that changed my life forever, unfortunately. I picked up a shift at work late one night and left my kids with my Ma. It was usually Papa who watched my twins, but he was sick, so I asked Ma. I mean, that's fine and shouldn't be a big deal, right? I left, and all was good; I worked several hours, with a few check-ins and no problems. I get home early the next morning to find Ma passed out drunk on our couch with my son Patrick in the tub. He had drowned while Ma got drunk, and I'll never understand why she couldn't have waited a few minutes to start/keep drinking. I knew she was an alcoholic, but she'd gone from binging every day to just on her day off over the last several months and was doing really well with not needing alcohol to function."
"She went to prison for four years and remained sober for the last decade of her life before she died. That was her way of apologizing for Patrick's death and accepting responsibility and blame. I was proud of her for that, and though it couldn't undo her actions, it made her easier to live with."
—Fredrik T., Quora
2."I wish I'd come out sooner. I didn't really know about being trans until I was around 12, but I wish I'd made it more obvious when I was younger that I didn't feel like a girl. If I had shown that I felt that way before I had the freedom on the internet to explore as I pleased, my parents might've seen that nothing had influenced my feelings and would have accepted me more. Also, if I had come out sooner, that would've given them more time to accept it and me possibly getting help and hormones sooner. Right now, I'm in some weird limbo where my parents 'accept' me, but they aren't doing anything to help. If we dealt with that limbo before I hit puberty, then where I'm at right now would probably be much better. But it's too late now. I came out three years ago, and it looks like I'll have to wait another three to get hormones, assuming I can afford it."
—Zach, Quora
3."I went to my sister's new apartment to visit her for the first time in a while and to see where she was now living. At the time I was in college and she was living in a crack-addicted nightmare. Her apartment was in a terrible neighborhood, and the belongings inside made it obvious she was down to practically nothing, literally and figuratively. I had my boyfriend with me, and the experience was very uncomfortable for both of us. She was clearly 'cracked out,' and it was really sad to see, but we still managed to giggle together and enjoy each other's presence just like we did growing up as sisters."
"My boyfriend, now my husband, gave me a nod like, 'Let's get the hell outta here!' So, I told my sister we had plans and we're going to get going. She sadly asked me to stay, suggesting she loved me being there and was really lonely. I felt bad about saying no, but at the time, pleasing my boyfriend and removing him from this awkward scenario was more important to me, so we left.
That was the last time I saw my sister alive as she died from a heart attack/drug overdose the day I moved to Madison, Wisconsin, after graduating college. I will never forget that last memory of her, and knowing I could have stayed to spend more quality time with her, regardless of how awkward it was for me, makes me feel terrible and selfish."
—Angie W., Quora
4."I regret losing my virginity to the wrong guy. I was in a girl's school with a strict family at home, so online platforms were the only way I could meet people, especially of the opposite gender. I was just 16 when this guy pinged me on Facebook, and we started talking. After a month, I met him and fell into that trap. I thought all the lovey-dovey things he did meant that he really loved me. I had literally no idea what actual love felt like at that time. I was just a dumb asshole with an immature and innocent heart. Anyway, I was too stupid to notice that this guy only texted me at night and only called me to talk dirty. I had all the red flags before my eyes, but being inexperienced, I thought it was all love. After some days, he took me to his flat, and he did everything. I closed my eyes and felt him all over me. I had love in my eyes and my heart. But when this guy finished, he dropped me at the nearest bus stand and stopped calling and texting me."
"I was sad and broken, and it took me four years to forget it all and get into the reality of this world. I don't regret losing my virginity before marriage; I just regret that I lost it to the wrong man who wasn't even in love with me. And what makes it worse is that years later, I realized I wasn't even in love with this man. I moved on and did great later in my life. I met so many nice people and experienced what actual love feels like. So it makes it even worse that I lost my virginity to a man whom even I didn't love."
—Shreya T., Quora
5."After a year in Vietnam, I came home and met a woman that I really grew to love, and I ended up marrying her. But without realizing I had PTSD, I pushed her and our sons away by drinking and staying away from home so much that she left me. Eventually, my sons also left me, and now I have no relationship with any of them."
—Charles R., Quora
6."Taking out student loans. A lot of them. I went to an expensive, private university 100% on loans for my undergrad and, five years later, my graduate degree. I was the first person in my family to go to college, and my parents didn’t quite understand how the financing worked. They just knew that they couldn’t help me with it at all. When it was all said and done, I owed over $100,000 for a worthless BA in Communications, a minor in English, and a worthwhile MA in Teaching. I could have gotten the same thing from a public university for about $20,000 if I had done it right. And I even worked the entire time I was in college to pay for my room and board. It’s not as if I had been lazy during those years."
"Here’s what they don’t tell you about student loans: They make you pay the interest first. I’ve been paying almost $400 per month for over 10 years (with a two-year grad school break in the middle), and my principal hasn’t gone down at all. I still owe just as much now as the day I graduated.
Barring some windfall of money in my future, I will not be done paying these loans until I am 62. I’m 37 and still paying for classes I took when I was 18 in 1998. It’s soul-crushing. And I have no one to blame but myself.
Kids, do not go into debt for a worthless college degree. If you must, do it for a degree that will get you a good job."
—Matthew B., Quora
7."I never told anyone about this. I destroyed a happy marriage of people I cared for. Shortly after high school, I had a very good friend I hoped would become my girlfriend. Long story short, it never panned out — I was too shy and unsure of myself. On the day I planned to try to move things forward, she started showing interest in some guy we met, and I lost my courage. This devastated me, and I lost the last shred of self-confidence. Soon after we lost contact. Later, I saw this as a pivotal moment in my life when I started believing I was unworthy of someone good and that I would never meet anyone nice. It was this death of self-esteem that pushed me into a relationship with someone I didn't really care about and then a loveless marriage — only because I was so convinced I didn't deserve happiness and that I should be content to find anyone who would want me. Stupid and selfish, now I know."
"Many years later, out of the failed marriage, I met her again. The old friendship rekindled. I met her husband and their four kids. We often met over drinks or board games or took day trips. I became a friend of the family. We had fun, and it was great. I knew they were happy. I felt great in their company.
Then, one night, when her husband was away on a business trip, the unimaginable happened. We met, had a few drinks, and got too close. My old adolescent love blinded me to the reality of today — I only remembered the desire to be with her, the disappointment of this not happening…but it was happening now. We started kissing. We realized it was wrong. I went home. The next day, we met again to discuss what happened. We tried to be strong, and still, we failed, so we became lovers.
The worst part? I was still meeting with them both like nothing had ever happened. I still considered the guy my friend… I loved him like a brother.She wished for a way for all of us to be together. She loved both him and me. We'd heard of poly relationships before — maybe it would be possible at that?Instead, she talked him into a threesome. It was fun, but it didn't change anything. I think it was all salvageable at this moment, or maybe not with the deceit and betrayal in the background.
Then, we two became reckless. We started showing signs of affection when he could see them. It was inevitable after this intimate moment shared by all three of us…but it was also cruel. He started to be suspicious, which led to him finding evidence of our affair.
They had a big fight. He met with me a few times, trying to figure out what had happened. I tried to take all the blame on myself. Nothing helped. They both asked me to disappear from their lives. She was crying because she loved me, but she had to choose. It didn't help.
Today all I know is they are divorced and I was the reason. Almost 10 years have passed, but this is still my biggest regret, the worst, most cruel, most selfish, most stupid thing I've ever done. I have made a lot of effort to fix my life, to rearrange priorities, to live more for others, less for myself. I'm now in a happy relationship, and everything seems to be going well in my life.
But deep down, I know what I did, and I know what damage I caused — for them and for their kids. I will probably never forgive myself. I just hope they have found their happiness, but I'm too afraid to reach out and ask."
—Anonymous, Quora
8."I was in complete shock at the sudden death of my 22-year-old son. He left behind a 1-year-old son who does not remember him and a pregnant wife who later gave birth to a daughter. My greatest regret is that I did not offer his organs to save the lives of others. My son was the epitome of good health when he drowned. To save time and distance to cross a creek at Rock State Park, Maryland, he leaped from one bolder to another, slipped on the mass of the second boulder, and became jammed between the two. It was spring runoff from the mountains, and the water flowed fast and furiously over his head as the boulders held him. His very healthy organs could have saved many lives. Even though the autopsy report said death by drowning, he did not drown. He died of a severe asthma attack because the water was 32° and had not frozen because it was flowing so rapidly. Even his lungs could have saved another life. I will never forgive myself for not offering his organs to others."
—Diane W., Quora
9."I started smoking at age 11. I'm now 66 and have emphysema. It's a cruel way to die. There are so many things I can't do anymore without gasping for breath. I'm glad I have no kids or grandkids as there's no way I'd be able to spend time doing things with them."
—Mick P., Quora
10."I never forgave my wife. My high school sweetheart and I had a son when we were just 17. We got married at 19. At 21 she cheated on me. I stayed with her because I wanted to stay near my son, but I could never forgive her. After her infidelity, she became a great wife and was always a wonderful mother, but still, I couldn't let go of the past. It took many years, but we finally divorced after my son was grown. Since our divorce five years ago, I have been miserable. I miss her terribly. We are still friends and talk regularly, but I hate that I could never forgive her. I am more unhappy without her than I was with her. I truly wish I could have found a way to get over it while we were still together."
—CarlAZV, Quora
11."I lived with my parents until I was 32. I lived at home and went to a local college, graduating when I was 23. Got a pretty good job and saved enough money for awesome trips to Africa and Costa Rica. Bought a nice new car. Saved enough money to make a large down payment on a condo when I finally moved out. But I regret not getting out on my own much sooner. I'm very introverted and lost a lot of opportunities to learn to get along with people. I didn't have to. Sure, I had friends and dated, but I never had roommates. I had girlfriends but never had a sleepover at my parents' house. By the time I moved out, I was fully in career mode and comfortably set in my ways. I feel like I got a very delayed start learning social skills. I'm not exactly lonely. I learned to live quite happily by myself. At this point, it's just easier and more comfortable. I'm 61 now. Never married. Quite honestly, I've become a self-made hermit."
"Part of me would like to be in a long-term relationship. Hell, part of me would like to be in a short-term relationship. At this point, it's just easier not to. I know it's laziness. You don't have to tell me that. If I really wanted to, I could push out of my comfort zone, but in the end, long-standing behavior patterns are hard to break. I wish I had never established those non-social behavior patterns."
—Jeff T., Quora
12."I'm a single gay man. One of my life's regrets is that I never had children. I don't dwell on the subject because that's water under the bridge, but I think I would have been a great father."
—FunGayGuy, Quora
13."My biggest regret in life is getting married. Before marriage, I was a fun-loving guy who enjoyed the little moments in life. I worked on weekdays, relaxed on weekends, and loved to travel. Life felt balanced and fulfilling. But after marriage, things changed drastically. Now, I find myself happy only two to three days a month. Even on those days, much of my time is spent trying to figure out why my wife is upset, handling household tasks like taking out the trash, making sure the bedsheets are in order, and so on. Marriage has taken away a lot of the freedom and joy I used to cherish. It's frustrating, and I miss the person I used to be."
—Ankit K., Quora
14."I'm 18 years old and have a 34-year-old sister, but we've never been close. As a teenager and pre-teen, I was rude and moody, but to be honest, it was because I was going through a lot. My sister would also make fun of me, and it would cause me to become more upset and not want to talk. My point is that I have never been close to my sister. We don't do sisterly things, but I love her very much. She's getting married in two days and didn't ask me to be her bridesmaid. It hurt my feelings deeply when I found out, but I know that we aren't close enough for her to want to ask me."
"During college, my best friend's sister got proposed to, and I remember sitting in her dorm, as she called her. They were so close, and she had even confided things I would never tell my sister. Her sister has even asked her to be her maid of honor. I wish we had a relationship like that. I regret being rude to her and never trying to get close to her. I've been reflecting and realize that my actions years ago will be why my sister and I will never be close. Please be nice to your family members."
—Thatonesadgirl655, Quora
15."One night in my late 20s, my husband and I pulled up to a convenience store, and my husband ran in to purchase something while I waited in the car. It was a chilly evening, and a cold drizzle was turning into a rainstorm. I noticed a girl, about 15 or 16, shivering under the building's eaves trying to avoid the now driving rain. She wasn't wearing a coat, and her jeans and T-shirt were soiled and raggedy. I tried to see her more clearly through the wet windshield, and it looked as though there might be bruises on one side of her face and that she was bleeding from a cut on her lip. As I watched, she started to cry. I struggled with a profound desire to help this girl and an equally strong fear of not knowing what to do. I sat rooted in my warm, dry car, unable to make the decision to get out and approach her. Then, my husband returned. I couldn't even articulate to him the moral impasse I was in. He started the car, and we proceeded on our way."
"The memory of that young woman huddled against the plate glass storefront, looking utterly alone and bone-cold, has haunted me for 40 years. How many evenings have I gone to bed wondering what was going on with her and what became of her? How many times have I asked myself what stopped me from getting out of the car? Perhaps I should not consider this as something to regret as it deeply affected the rest of my life. I am much more empathetic than I might have otherwise been and have never allowed myself to fear helping another person again. But still, I DO truly regret not going out into the rain that evening."
—Margaret Z., Quora
16."My biggest regret is not inviting my son’s father to our family photo shoot. The photo shoot was a gift from my sister. I guess I didn’t want to ask because I didn’t want to deal with the logistics of getting him and the photographer in the same place at the same time. Logistics were often frustrating to him. Little did I know that he would die that same year. I don’t have a single good pic of the two of them together. It would have meant a lot to my son. My son’s dad was only 43 when he died of a heart attack. I thought I would have another opportunity. I was wrong. It’s definitely my biggest regret."
—Michele F., Quora
17."There's this girl. She was a smart and caring soul. Every summer when we met, she would make sure I was the happiest person on this planet. She would talk to me for hours! She loved me, and I loved her back. Two summers back, she called me suddenly. She asked, 'Why are you not here to see me? Come soon.' I had traded my visit for an internship halfway across the country, so I coolly replied, 'Very soon!' She calmly said OK, and we hung up. Two days later, she passed away. By the time I reached, her last rites were finished. The girl was my grandmother. I wish I had gone to visit her instead."
—Akshay G., Quora
(Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.)
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