Only A Nincompoop Wouldn't Laugh At These 23 Hilarious Tweets By Women

State Fair pro tip: You don’t want to miss the Minnesota firefighters at the @MNAFLCIO. pic.twitter.com/O3auZqdkGN

— Amy Klobuchar (@amyklobuchar) August 25, 2023

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to look at three or four screens at once

— confidence activist isidor rabi (@ali_sivi) August 25, 2023

girl on the train wearing a baby t that says “MATH SLUT” in pink sequins

— lexaprofessional (@queasy_f_bby) August 26, 2023

some big dude covered in tattoos smoking a cigar infront of my apartment “hey idk if anyone has ever told you but…. you are phenomenal at parallel parking — I’ve seen you a few times like ‘she ain’t gonna make it’ and then you do, incredible”

— alex (@miaowlex) August 20, 2023

As a writer, it's tough to know I'll never write a sentence as good as "pesto is the quiche of the '80s." pic.twitter.com/B4JdTLCHv4

— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) August 21, 2023

Met some people who worked at an Escape Room and their most hated customer was a guy who would take all his dates there and pretend he was a genius

— Eade (@eade_bengard) August 21, 2023

The thing no one talks about enough is how none of these political candidates actually make sense when they talk. Like DeSantis just said something about his friend penny who was left to die in a pan? What?

— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) August 24, 2023

girls w stomach issues: https://t.co/O9hNiUGVuh

— v33n (@alotofcryingngl) August 19, 2023

my friend kaly’s brother is dating a formerly amish girl (she only left the community like 3 years ago) and one time kaly was asking if she has any comfort foods or favorite meals that make her feel good and she just went “oh, you mean milk soup!”

— multitude container (@bartleby_era) August 26, 2023

if “astrology is fake” then why does everyone simultaneously get one million birthday invitations from their Virgo friends at the VERY START of Virgo season

— abby govindan (@abbygov) August 25, 2023

OK BUT LARGE TURTLES ARE STILL AN OPTION? https://t.co/0lTDKZME6D

— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss) August 24, 2023

where I’m at today pic.twitter.com/pGf7h2pYek

— girl american prometheus (@molllllusk) August 24, 2023

Donald Trump is expected to surrender to Fulton County authorities tomorrow, where he will be fingerprinted and have his mug shot taken. When it comes out, I don’t want to see anyone being mean to wine mom boomer liberals. Just let them have this.

— Moira Donegan (@MoiraDonegan) August 23, 2023

the electoral map if Joe Biden switched his slogan from “finish the job” to “pot, porn and planned parenthood” https://t.co/UgxDRUlSG5 pic.twitter.com/6RctlZhhmD

— Annie Wu (all socials: @annie_wu_22) (@Annie_Wu_22) August 23, 2023

me: i would like to reformat a footnotemicrosoft word: k*ll yourself

— kate wagner (castle era) (@mcmansionhell) August 22, 2023

"wow youre like, really into ani difranco" oh i guess people arent allowed to be bisexual anymore

— ashley ray (@theashleyray) August 27, 2023

Maybe because they’re full of anxiety from being criticized by New Scientist? https://t.co/GNVzhiQ7Kr

— Kilmartin: Seattle Telluride Cincy (@anylaurie16) August 22, 2023

So thankful this doesn’t go hard. So so thankful, grateful, thrilled. He looks like he just stole Christmas. I’m twirling around in my living room https://t.co/7nKfPA6XNj

— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) August 25, 2023

sure you’re tired and stressed about work, money, climate change etc but look on the bright side! at least the pandemic is ramping up

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 23, 2023

Oh wait hang on. I think Mozzarella Sticks is the name of their dog. Either way, a fine alternative.

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) August 21, 2023

I was walking my husky when a great dane saw her and gave an almighty "WOOF!"The owner, basically at eye-level with the dog: "Julio! I don't want to hear it."

— Verity Holloway (@Verity_Holloway) August 20, 2023

Felt a little nervous going into my first mammogram, but luckily there was an inspirational message on the wall to help me put things into perspective. pic.twitter.com/jKPqXYJmZo

— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) August 21, 2023

oh time is linear???? then why do u keep circling back on this email………u literally look so dumb right now

— chase (@_chase_____) August 22, 2023

it's not that I think I'm too smart to ever get sucked into a cult, it's more that I know I am unwilling to participate in anything even resembling a group project under any circumstances

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) August 21, 2023