Jo Lamble: Beating The Bullies

Perhaps the scariest part of sending kids back to school is worrying about them being bullied. They may have been bullied before and you hope they will have a better year.

It can be terribly difficult to know what to do when your child is being bullied. Our first reaction is often to ring the bully’s parents and give them a piece of our mind. Unfortunately, ringing the parents can often just make things worse.If your child is showing some of the common signs of being harassed at school (see box below), try these tips to help them beat the bullies.

Communication is the key
It's important that you ask your child directly if anything is happening at school. Say: 'Are you being bullied?' Ask how they reacted at the time.

Praise them for their courage and give them some other suggestions for ways to respond. Tell them to stay strong, look the bully in the eye and say: 'Don't be such a bully,' and walk away.

Remind them that they should also stick up for other children who are being bullied. Talk to them about why the bully might be behaving that way, such as them having a difficult home life or not feeling too good about themselves.

If the bullying continues, you will need to approach the teacher and report what is happening. Most schools are fabulous at dealing with the problem, but some are not.

Try to boost your child's confidence
Make sure every conversation with your child isn't about the bullying. Try to concentrate on anything positive they have to say. Otherwise, you might subconsciously be encouraging them to only talk about the bullying by giving them extra attention when they do.

Try to encourage them to find new friends to play with and new activities to do in and out of school. The better a child feels about themselves, the less affected they are by what others say and the less likely it is that they will bully others.

When your child is the bully
If you hear your child is bullying others, try to take it in. You won't be helping your child if you simply reject the idea he or she is not treating others well.

Talk to your child about what's happening at school. Say you've heard they're bullying other children. Ask them why they’re acting that way.

Check that they are not worrying about something else, such as feeling that they are slipping behind in their schoolwork or thinking that they are not as good at the lunchtime games. Work on increasing their self-esteem and establishing healthy friendships. Above all, you need to make sure that your child has good role models at home, so always lead by example.

Common Signs of Bullying

1. Suddenly not wanting to go to school.

2. Complaining of stomach aches or headaches.

3. Not wanting to catch the bus or train or to walk.

4. Bullying their younger brothers and sisters.

5. Starting to perform poorly in their schoolwork.

6. Returning with their belongings missing or constantly losing their pocket money.