“NCIS” recap: Sometimes being a CI really sucks

Can we all agree that the oddest thing about tonight's NCIS episode is anyone for a moment thinking that what appeared to be a suicide was, in fact, a suicide?

I know, I know; The audience only sees the interesting cases that these fictional characters tackle, and if they were real people, they'd presumably have significantly more run-of-the-mill workdays than pulse-pounding ones. But still! When in the history of this show has a death been this open and shut?

The dead naval researcher in an Arlington park is Roger Carnahan, the new head of Weapons and Warfare at the Office of Naval Research. And yes, we do eventually learn that the angle of the bullet rules out a self-inflicted gunshot.

Carnahan had removed his wedding ring just before the fatal shot, likely because of the photos he received showing his wife Amber (Sara Paxton) at a seedy motel with a handsome younger man.

A handsome, familiar younger man: Nick Torres (Wilmer Valderrama), to be precise. Geez, when Torres said he wanted to open his heart to love, I don't think this is what anybody had in mind.

Nick had uncharacteristically called in sick that morning, and he's the person who answers the door of the motel when NCIS comes a-knockin'.

Torres explains that he met Amber at a SecNav party, where she confided that her husband planned to commit a crime. And indeed, a search of the Carnahan house reveals stolen hard drives from ONR.

When Parker (Gary Cole) asks why he's just learning about Amber now, Torres insists she was too scared to talk to anyone but him. "You cultivate orchids," he says. "I cultivate CIs."

Parker chides Torres for making a mess of things, and when Knight (Katrina Law) walks in on Amber grabbing Torres' hand for reassurance, the look on her face screams, "What is you doing, baby boy?"

She breaks up the cozy scene and takes Amber to the diner, learning in the process that Amber worked as an on-air pitchwoman for the Buy Now home shopping network in L.A. While Carnahan always said this was frivolous work (ugh, so charming), Jess is delighted to recall that she once bought a blender at 3 a.m. from Amber.

Then the next thing you know, Amber is snatched off the street and tossed into a white van while Knight and Torres are right there. Oops!

Related: NCIS recap: The long diss for Knight

Dr. Wendy Lythcott (Lesley Fera), the ONR head, meets with NCIS to reveal that Carnahan was working on MAD Falcon, a next-gen nuclear-capable hypersonic missile. She's also quite concerned about Amber's wellbeing and urges them to get her back safely.

The team's on it and discovers traffic cam footage of a white van parked near the spot where Carnahan was murdered. When Parker mentions Rule 39 (happy dance for channeling Gibbs!), Kasie (Diona Reasonover) gets to work analyzing the partial prints on cigarette butts left outside Amber's motel under the assumption that the smoker who took the surveillance photos also staged Carnahan's suicide.

The prints lead them to Harold Lamb (Sam McMurray), who retired from the Navy and now works as a PI alongside his intern Daniel Simmons (Jacob Buster), a Waverly University student earning school credit for a possible FBI career in the future.

Lamb insists that his white van isn't the same one that the kidnappers drove; all white vans look alike, which is why he uses them for surveillance. In questioning, he's cynical and bitter as he points out that Amber is manipulating Torres. He also also scoffs at the Bronze Star that Kasie uncovers among his surveillance materials.

When Torres asks what happened to him, Lamb says he got screwed over by the Navy just like Torres got screwed over by the broad.

Kasie's discovery that Amber had an advance copy of the SecNav party guest list as well as Torres' classified NCIS file strengthens Lamb’s insinuations, as does the fact that as a Buy Now employee liaising with suppliers, she worked closely with a member of Chinese state security known for grooming American assets. So was Amber's kidnapping actually an extraction?

Lamb finally admits to putting a tracker on Amber's car. Sure, this is technically "illegal," but it does lead the team to a warehouse where they find Dr. Lythcott dead and Amber bound and gagged in the non-Lamb van.

"I knew you'd come," she tearfully tells Torres before insisting that she's not part of some grand plot. But Knight's discovery of a 3D printer at work manufacturing Falcon parts undercuts this story until the team realizes that Amber and Lythcott were in cahoots to use the missile design to create a next-gen vacuum cleaner —one that’s hopefully not nuclear-capable.

Related: NCIS recap: The long diss for Knight

See, when Carnahan took the new job at ONR, he realized that the missile was a billion-dollar dud and shelved it. But when Dr. Lythcott talked to Amber about the potential of its cyclonic separation and high-speed vortex, she realized she had a boffo marketing pitch on her hands. "I said those words a thousand times on TV."

So Lythcott swiped the plans and designed the vacuum so Amber could use her home shopping contacts to sell it. Amber tells the team that a little light treason was worth it to fund her escape from her monster of a husband.

Still, she insists that she didn't kill him or her friend Dr. Lythcott. All she knows is that her kidnapper demanded the plans for the Falcon, got angry when he saw it was a vacuum cleaner, shot Dr. Lythcott, and escaped with the missile info. So the murderer is still on the loose.

Okay, before we wrap this up, let's do a quick subplot check- in: As refs for their kids' soccer league, McGee (Sean Murray) and Palmer (Brian Dietzen) were part of a super controversial call during the championship game. "Kids were crying, parents were yelling," McGee explains.

When Kasie's digital recreation of the play confirms that they got it wrong, Parker pushes "stop" on the Elevator of Schemes and Secrets and threatens McGee into silence about it for fear of giving the out-of-control parents even more ammo against them. He then morphs back into our easygoing Jimmy and chirps, "Never done that before. Quite the power move!" as he restarts the elevator.

By the end of the episode, McGee has retired as a soccer official, but he encourages Palmer to stay on. Not only is he the best ref the league has ever seen, but the rules also give him a sense of control after losing his wife and then Jess.

Okay, back to the crime. Kasie mentions that the radio in the van where they found Amber was tuned to the Waverly University station. And who do we know from Waverly U?

Cut to Lamb confronting Danny the intern, who whips out a gun and confesses to murdering Carnahan to tie up loose ends after overhearing Amber's plan and being dismayed to discover it was for a vacuum cleaner.

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When the team surrounds him, Danny fires at Lamb, but Torres knocks the man out of the way, takes a bullet in the vest, and returns fire, killing Danny.

After the excitement's all over, Lamb and Torres meet at the diner so Torres can return the Bronze Star. Lamb admits that he hasn't felt like part of a team since he was with the SEALS in ’Nam.

Torres calls him a hero, and with a universe of unspoken grief and trauma between them, the two men sit down for a meal together.

Stray shots

• This is the second episode in a row where the team uses a murder victim's face to unlock a phone. Is the show trying to warn us about privacy issues here?

• That huge Marine billboard up behind the diner sure isn't subtle. But hey, get your advertising in where you can.

• Are you curious about the apple turnover that saved a French village? Read up on the chausson aux pommes here (and maybe bake some yourself).

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