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Mum’s heart-wrenching letter to daughter who took her own life

Melbourne mum Linda Trevan lost her 15-year-old daughter Cassidy to suicide in 2015, after she was gang raped following a prolonged period of severe bullying. Here, Linda shares a heart-wrenching letter to her child.

This article contains subject matter that may be triggering. You can help Linda spread bullying awareness by sharing her Facebook page.

My darling Cassidy, it’s three years tonight. Three years since that knock on the door that was to end my world.

I ran to the front door assuming it was you arriving home from the beach where your dad had taken you for two days to try to cheer you up.

But when I opened the door it was two police officers. I was confused. They asked to come in, and then they asked me to sit down. I refused. My first thought was that you’d been in a car accident and that your dad was hurt. “Just tell me what’s happened,” I said.

Photo supplied by Linda Trevan
Photo supplied by Linda Trevan

“We are sorry to inform you that your daughter took her own life this afternoon”.

I just remember backing away from them with my hands over my face wailing, “no, no, no, no, nooooo”.

They helped me to a chair as my whole body started to give way at the same time as my world fell apart.

It was 8.30pm, but they told me you’d been pronounced dead at 6.10pm, although you had actually died around 4.30pm, almost 100km away from me. They said your lifeless little body would already be with the coroner. How could you be dead? How could you have been dead for four hours without me feeling it? How could I not have been with you in your final moments?

In some ways it feels like only yesterday… In other ways it seems like forever ago. But it always just feels like the emptiest, deepest, most unimaginable pain. To know that I’ll never see you again, never hug you again, never laugh with you again, never rub your little back to help soothe you to sleep again.

Photo supplied by Linda Trevan
Photo supplied by Linda Trevan

The day you died I feel like I died too, and that I’ve barely existed since then. I don’t know if I’ll ever really be able to create a meaningful life for myself without you. I miss you so so very much, every second of every day, and you still dominate the bulk of my daily thoughts.

Last night I lit a 55 hour candle so you can find your way home to me. Come and visit me in my dreams, please, I need to see you, to have just one more joyous moment with you.

I don’t think I’ve made it to the acceptance stage of grief yet. How can I ever accept that my precious only baby was so betrayed, so wronged, so let down by society and every professional who failed to help and protect you, both before and after what happened to you? How can I ever accept that you were so broken, so so very sad that you had to take your own life to stop your pain? The knowledge of how badly you had to suffer just kills me and always will.

Photo supplied by Linda Trevan
Photo supplied by Linda Trevan

I’m so so sorry that I couldn’t fix you and make it all better, like a mum should be able to, so that we could still be together today and forever.

My grief is still so incredibly overwhelming. But I have to try to stay strong so that I can keep your name and your memories alive, and continue spreading bullying awareness to try to save other lives.

Love and proudness my precious darling, my forever 15, my teen-angel, you were my dream come true my beautiful baby. I love you and miss you so very much, with every little fragment of my broken heart. You were the love of my life, an absolute joy, and It was an honour and a privilege to be your mum. I just keep having to tell myself that you are no longer in pain, and are now at peace. fly, fly, my infinite child.

I wish you could see how much love and support your story has received from all around the world. You will live on in my heart, and in the hearts of thousands all around the world, forever. xxx

#bullyingkilledmychildcassidytrevan

Cassidy was severely bullied in high school and gang raped by a group of students when she was 13. The family moved away from the area where it happened, but Cassidy continued to receive abuse online until the day she died, 22 months later.

Linda hopes that by sharing Cassidy’s story, young people who are being bullied will seek help by telling an adult they feel comfortable to talk to.

You can help Linda spread bullying awareness by sharing Linda’s Facebook page. Children as young as eight are taking their lives from bullying.

If you are concerned about the mental health of yourself or a loved one, seek support and information by calling Lifeline on 13 11 14, or Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800 for young people between the ages of five and 25.