This Mom Has Gone Mega Viral For Sharing The Things She's Teaching Her Sons So Their Future Partners Won't Have To, And Women Everywhere Are Grateful

Payal Desai is a 37-year-old mom, middle school teacher, and content creator who has gone mega-viral for her "No Dusty Sons" series on TikTok, where she shares the different lessons she's teaching her young sons so their future partners won't have to step in and do it later.

  @payalforstyle / Via

Here's a perfect example: Payal teaching her sons to pick up after themselves so their future partners aren't the ones doing all the cleaning.

Or, teaching her sons to navigate the grocery store so their future partners don't ever get the dreaded phone call saying, "I can't find the milk."

Or, (my personal favorite), teaching her sons that it's perfectly normal for women to have body/facial hair!!!


Dusty thinks he can bully & laugh at girls for body hair? Never here. As a girl who has been self conscious of body hair since THIRD GRADE, this one was very important to make. #bodyhairshaming #dustyson #dustydaughter #trending #momsoftiktok #raisingboys #raisingsons #raisingboysright

♬ original sound - Bryan

The music, the stare at the end...these videos are a work of art.

  @payalforstyle / Via

And not only that, they also send an important message! Payal's series emphasizes how parents should make a concerted effort to teach their children to be self-sufficient and emotionally mature regardless of gender. That way, they aren't creating an unfair divide when it comes to domestic and emotional labor in their future relationships. And, whether we want to admit it or not, young boys and girls are often raised differently. Many people assume that boys are "easier" to raise, which (in my opinion) can lead to many gaps in maturity when they become full-grown adults.

  @payalforstyle / Via

BuzzFeed reached out to Payal, who said that she noticed a difference in the way people raise young boys vs. young girls in her own upbringing, her career in secondary education, and as a parent. "After becoming a mom of sons, I wanted to ensure they grew up with respect and empathy for themselves and girls. I also knew I wanted them to emulate what they see at home between my husband and I — an equitable partnership built on communication and collaboration."

person saying, i love that

As for the inspiration behind her series, Payal actually created it as a more positive offshoot of the "your dusty son/daughter" trend on TikTok. "I told my sister how I was wanting to jump on this trend, but didn't want to phrase it in a way that would put down a future partner of my sons. She shared the initial idea, 'teaching my son to clean up after himself so your daughter doesn't have to deal with a man who was catered to his whole life.' It instantly took off on both TikTok and Instagram. We then brainstormed so many more ideas pointing at lessons in social-emotional learning, household tasks, and overall empathy for a future partner."

Payal's not lying when she says her content blew up. Collectively, her videos have millions of views and each one has thousands of comments praising her approach to parenting:

your face at the end of every single one of these is my absolute favorite. thank you for raising future awesome men
just a queen raising little kings over there
thank you for your service
can my daughter marry your son please

However, there have been a few commenters claiming that Payal's content is hypocritical, which she brilliantly shuts down in the video below:


Replying to @theshininghotel I keep saying I won’t clap back to the comments but then here I go…

♬ original sound - Payal Desai

"On social media, someone will always misconstrue the message. You cannot please, inspire, or influence all. I am grateful for the moms and dads who are empowered by the content to do things just a little differently to shift the messaging from what we grew up with," Payal told BuzzFeed.

When asked about her parenting style outside of TikTok, Payal said, "Maybe it's the teacher in me, but everything turns into a teachable moment. This is not to say that my parenting style is without flaw. I very much know that home is a safe haven for my boys and because of that, we often have meltdowns and tantrums and frustrations as they grow and develop. I give them time and space to work through emotions. We communicate openly, and I believe the most effective parenting and teaching happens through modeling. They observe how mom and dad treat each other, how we apologize authentically to each other when it is warranted, and how we work together to maintain our household."


In fact, Payal believes that parental modeling is a huge factor in changing things on a larger scale and preventing another wave of immature male partners. "Moms and dads [should be] integrally involved and MODELING the behavior/habits. My boys see dad cooking and cleaning regularly. They see mom exercising before work and encouraging a balanced diet. They hear us apologizing to each other when it is necessary. Just to name a few — kids learn by seeing and then doing."

payal teaching her son to organize the pantry

I couldn't agree more. To keep up with Payal's No Dusty Sons series (or see some of her excellent style content), you can follow her on TikTok and Instagram.