Jumpstart your sex life

So you’re going to be away from her for a week on business. This is when phones and computers become sex toys. Dirty talk and erotic notes can be “relationship insurance”, says Lou Paget, author of The Great Lover Playbook.

GOING SOLO In an intimate moment, ask her how she’s going to satisfy herself while you’re away – tell her it’s an image you want to carry with you. Ask her to demonstrate, but don’t be surprised if she hesitates. Make her more comfortable: see if she’ll masturbate under the sheets while you watch. “It’s best if you do it together,” recommends Dr Robert Birch, a certified sexologist in the US. “Otherwise, she may feel as if she’s on display.”

DIRTY TALK This is rehearsal for phone sex. Many women are tongue-tied in bed, so tell her “you want to be guided verbally”, Paget advises. Ask her if she likes what you’re doing – and tell her to say why. “I sort of like dirty talk,” admits Meg, 25. “It’s something of an insight into what a guy wants or what his sexual fantasies are.” That works both ways.

PHONE SEX “Phone sex is about maintaining the intimacy and sexuality that you share,” Paget says. Make sure you both contribute. Camellia, 24, finds it worth the effort: “The best part of a dirty phone call is hearing your guy get turned on and then hearing the heavy breathing as he gets off.” That blonde at the hotel bar will be less tempting – and welcome-home sex will be even better.

E-SEX Instead of surfing the Internet for wet hot teens, write your wife or girlfriend an erotic e-mail – and insist on receiving one from her. “Writing tends to magnify the element of intimacy,” according to Marilyn Jaye Lewis, author of Stirring up a Storm. “The mind creates the images, then the body responds.” Kim, 29, agrees: “Finding the right words is a surprising turn-on. It’s a win-win: you get to fantasise, he’s flattered that he’s in the fantasy and he learns what you want that you may be too embarrassed to ask for outright.”