Flip through any sex manual and you’ll find a lot of advice on how to rev up your woman before sex and what levers to pull and buttons to push during the deed.
All of that information is essential, but what about after the action? Your knowledge and skill here are what separates the lovers from the losers in the bedroom.
“Chances are the winners are the ones who are going to get a repeat,” says Dr Janet Hall, a sex therapist and author of Sex-Life Solutions. “That’s what it’s all about. Men do fight the fact that serotonin, which is the sleep ‘drug’, circulates through them after they come. So it takes a conscious effort to apply your brain – which is supposed to be your most important sex organ – to what it is that you’re really wanting to bring forth in your partner.”
So what do you want to bring forth? A meek-and-mild mouse or crazed love demon ready to consume you whole? Read on and apply this advice for a raunchier sex life with your maiden.
COME TO HER EMOTIONAL RESCUE. “After sex, if you just turn over and forget about the emotional connection – which to her is usually the key focus – it’s like you take her halfway there and then just dump her,” explains Hall. “She needs the emotional coda.”
Give her general compliments – but not about the size of her breasts or her bum.
“Rather say things like, ‘I love being with you’ and ‘you’re so beautiful to me’. Men tend to take this for granted, but using your golden tongue after sex is just as important as using it during the physical part.”
EXERCISE THAT GOLDEN TONGUE A BIT MORE. “Don’t bring up any comparisons with her after sex; that’s the worse thing to say,” adds Hall. “She likes you to talk about romantic goals and dreams.” Like those walks along the beach in Tahiti you’d love to take with her.
YOU GOTTA HAND IT TO HER. “Women always know that you want to give them a massage before sex to warm them up, so offer a massage afterwards,” advises Hall. “Massage her lower back, when she’s lying on her tummy. It stimulates the kundalini– sexual energy – and is soothing. Just smooth across her lower back – side to side, right to left – using your whole hand, but softly and gently.”
THE TIME IS RIGHT. “After sex, timing’s everything,” according to Hall. “Just don’t jump up too quickly for anything, not even to get her a cup of tea. She’ll think you’re going to watch TV. Stay with her until she decides what’s next.
“But if you really do want to get up and watch TV, asking her if you can make her a cup of tea is much better than saying, ‘The footy’s on, gotta go’.”
SHOWER HER WITH GIFTS. Set up the bathroom so that it’s a warm and inviting space for her to shower in. Here, preparation is important, like a few bottles of top-of-the-line bath oil or body lotion just for her.
“Any kind of thoughtful, nurturing gesture, like fluffy towels, is ideal,” advises Hall.
Boost the number and intensity of her orgasms with these tips from A Bit on the Side by Tracey Cox.
Don’t race to get to the finish line. The longer you spend on foreplay, the more enhanced the ultimate climax will be for both of you.
Give her a head start. Give her an orgasm through oral sex or masturbation before intercourse.
Don’t treat her clitoris like it’s a lift button. Some men think the more they press it, the quicker she’ll zoom to the top. (That doesn’t work for lifts either.) Most women climax if you work around the base of the clitoris rather than touch it directly.
Get wet. It doesn’t mean she’s not turned on if she’s not lubricating like crazy; she might just be at a different stage of the menstrual cycle, stressed or tired. Accept that sometimes you may need to add artificial lubricant, like K-Y Jelly.