What not to say on a first date

HOLD YOUR TONGUE . . .

You cleaned your plate. I’m impressed.

My mum wears that fragrance.

So who’s the hot girl in all your Tinder pics?

I like to take my sweet time with everything. Everything.

EASY, LOVE DOCTOR
You make it sound as if she’s been orgasmless and only you can end the drought. You may think you’re being smooth and original. You’re not. Best to remain silent.
Greg Behrendt, stand-up comedian and coauthor of It’s Just A F***ing Date

Related: 10 annoying things you do during sex

Really? I never would have guessed that you were a runner.

My problem is I’m not picky enough.

Yoga instructor? Score on the flexibility!

According to Facebook, you had some fun last weekend.

LET HER STORY UNFOLD
Say nothing about your online discoveries until she shares. Then it’s okay: “I saw your work. Nice about the Nobel.” She’ll feel that she was worth being checked out by a guy who doesn’t prejudge.
Ann Demarais, psychologist and coauthor of First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You

Go ahead – guess how much money I make.

Hey! Your name is the same as my favourite anime character.

Are you drinking enough water? It’s great for your skin.

My brother puts the L in loser.

STOW THE NEGATIVITY
Stay upbeat. People have a tendency to muddle information; if you speak positively of others, she’ll project their talents and qualities onto you. Complain too much, and her take-home impression will be less than rosy. - AD

So Steph told me that you’re on birth control. Are you still?

I think it’s great that you’re so relaxed about your looks.

Oh, I’ve done last drinks at this pub plenty of times.

KNOW YOUR LIMITS
Fun guy? No, you just sound like you drink too much, stay out too late and pick up the dregs. Sure, taking her to your favourite spots shows that she matters to you. Just spare her the sad, sloppy details.
Wendy Walsh, clinical psychologist and author of The 30-Day Love Detox

Everything okay? You look tired.

It’s been 20 minutes and I still can’t figure out why you’re single.

BE GLAD SHE’S THERE
Everyone, including you, has reasons for being single, and those reasons can run the gamut from messy to innocuous. If she’s dealing with them well, that’s an encouraging sign.
Paulette Sherman, psychologist and author of Dating from the Inside Out

Don’t take this the wrong way, but your arse is awesome.

Know what, you remind me of one of my best mates.

Some people think I’m a prick, but I’m just confident.

What do you call three ducks at a bar?

GET A NEW ACT
Jokes are panic moves when the conversation lags. You want easy patter, not punch lines. So keep it simple: “I’d love to know more. Tell me about it.” - GB

It’s easy for me to lose weight. I’ve got a really fast metabolism.

My female friends are always trying to hook up with me.

QUIT YOUR BRAGGING
Trust us, Romeo: she doesn’t want to hear about your harem. Say, “I’m lucky to have some strong women friends.” With one statement, you erase competition worries and compliment an entire gender. - WW

I’m kinda scared of you.