Be A Rock Star For Your Kids

Ages 0-3

Learn the ABZ’s of Sleep

Establish an after-dinner routine (bath, book, song) and stick to it. No luck? Try psychological warfare: exhaust their little minds. Place obstacles in front of their toys. Put a stuffed animal on the table; move the chairs away and let them reach it on their own. Any challenge needs to be both doable and perplexing. “Mentally engaged kids are tired and ready to let go of the day,” says Vicki Hoefle, author of Duct Tape Parenting.

Win Over a Fussy Eater
For starters, don’t worry: “your job is to consistently put nutritious meals in front of them. Their job is to decide how much to eat,” says paediatrician Dr Carlos Lerner. Don’t force your kids to eat or be surprised by unpredictability. Toddlers march to the beat of their own drum, not to the call of Drill Sergeant Dad. Today they scarf; tomorrow it’s two bites. For enticement, put some of their food on your plate. “Kids don’t like to feel as if you’re pushing something,” says Lerner.

Simplify Play
Forget productive and educational. All your kid needs are basic toys – stuffed animals, balls, cushions, blocks – and you on the floor (without your smartphone) for at least 30 minutes a day, says Lerner. Whatever the activity, your child will instinctively explore and discover, watch your reactions, learn to navigate the world . . . and smile and laugh.

Talk About Sex, Part I
Start when they’re about two, during bath time. Use anatomical language to establish both a sense of privacy and a matter-of-factness, says Dr Pepper Schwartz, author of Ten Talks Parents Must Have with Their Children About Sex and Character. When they ask a question (“Why is that lady’s belly big?”), answer that question only (“There’s a baby in there”). Too much detail and they’ll fade.

Ages 4-7

Show Your Love
Roughhouse for 10 minutes a day: to a 4-year-old, the world is all big dogs, huge adults and faraway bathrooms. Shrieking with laughter can purge anxiety and settle the little one for dinner and sleep; it also releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. “Parenting is 90 per cent connection, 10 per cent guidance,” says Dr Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.

Let Them Struggle
Unless there’s a calamity, you don’t need to rush in right away, says child psychiatrist Dr Joshua Sparrow. Not everything will be (or should be) easy, whether it’s riding a bike or moving to the next level of Angry Birds. When frustration bubbles over, guide your child to a more calming activity. Use it as a life-skills lesson – he or she can learn to put the challenge into perspective in order to feel motivated to try again.

Look for the Good Intent
Your five-year-old takes a crayon to her bedroom wall. Instead of snapping, say, “I can see what you’re trying to draw. The wall’s just not the best place. Let’s fix it.” No shame. No yelling. And you’re teaching collaboration as you clean the wall together, says child psychiatrist Dr Jeff Bostic.

End a Tantrum
Kids are very easily distracted, so after a few seconds of howling, say, “When you’re done, I’ll be making mac and cheese and need help.” If you sound sincere, any offer – washing the dog, folding laundry – will be enticing enough to help them move on, says Hoefle.

Raise a Saver
When the child is five, create household job cards. Each task pays $1. Using four clear plastic jars, allocate each dollar this way: 10 per cent to charity, then equal thirds to quick cash, medium-term savings and long-term savings. Pay in change to teach math and have the kid put the earnings into the jars, says Neale Godfrey, author of Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Financially Responsible Children. And make sure they spend, not hoard, the medium-range funds. Take them to the store and stay positive to nurture healthy attitudes.

Ages 8-11

Take a Road Trip
You’re both in the car, looking out the same windshield, listening to the same songs and moving at the same speed – without the watchful eyes of mum. Don’t worry about conversation. “The talking will emerge from the doing,” says child psychologist Dr Michael Thompson, co-author of It’s a Boy! Go long enough to hit all his cycles: waking up, eating, bathing, bedtime. He’ll be reassured that you can handle it all.

Teach Empathy
It’s a three-step process, says Thompson: feel it. Model it. Ask him to do it. Sport is a training ground. When your son has a bad game, put your arm on his shoulder and tell him you’re sorry, without advice or analysis. The next time he crushes it, find one of his teammates who’s down and show the kid understanding. The next game, ask your son to do that for a teammate. It’ll become a habit and he’ll truly be The Man. It also gives him the chance to be a leader.

Give Summer Glory
Mastery of a skill brings self-esteem. Pad your child’s ego with this s’mores secret from Paul Gannon Jr, senior instructor at an REI Outdoor School. Brown the marshmallow; scrape its toasted crust onto the chocolate; brown the new outer layer. It’s called the double toast, if the kid asks.

Encourage Passion
Push your child to explore his or her interests, but don’t force it if that initial spark cools, says Tony Wagner, author of Creating Innovators. Explain that you will help him pursue his passion, but that he’s the one who decides what he likes. Kids who are intrinsically motivated about their hobbies are more likely to become innovators.

Ages 12-16

Ensure Quality Friends
While you can’t assemble their posse, you can be the consigliere, says Bostic. Make getting together easy or impossible, depending on your judgment of the friend. And ask questions. “Did you have fun?”, “What makes him good to hang with?”, “What’s it like playing with her?” Focusing on activities reveals character issues. You’re also cultivating your child’s own evaluation process.

Sex Talk, Part II: Daughters . . .
Your strength is knowing the male mind. Explain that what feels like love to her could be just physical to the guy. Help her distinguish the player from the nice boy. Tell her (repeatedly) that she’s important to you, because it’s easy for her to base her self-worth on having a boyfriend. Then go clothes shopping. Awkward? Yep, but you’ll show that you care and will let her know what’s acceptable, says Dr Sharon Maxwell, author of The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from You About Sex.

. . . and Sons
Watch a movie and when characters make light of sexual conduct, discuss what a good man does and what the consequences are for bad behaviour. Hammer home cause and effect in actual, nonpixelated relationships, says Maxwell.

Reveal the Big Picture
Encourage your kid to volunteer at an organisation he or she is interested in, says Wagner. It can inspire creative thinking and help when they’re deciding what career path to pursue – or invent.