How To Be A Drugs Cheat (And Get Away With It)

By Ryan Thompson With intense training and competition comes joint pain, muscle strains and general wear and tear. But before you jab a needle into your kneecap, try using your diet to dose up on post-sport painkillers instead Red onion One onion provides 10mg of quercetin, a flavonoid that reduces inflammatory chemicals such as histamine. You’re safe with up to 500mg, but we don’t suggest you get it all from red onions – unless you like being a social pariah. Try tea, red wine, broccoli and apples.

Olive oil This contains a slug of the painkillers hydroxytyrosol and oleocanthal. Researchers at the Monell Chemical Senses Center revealed this phenylethanoid combination had a significant ache-relieving effect.

Turmeric The perennial shirt-stainer, turmeric works like ibuprofen by blocking the formation of inflammatory compounds, according to researchers at Maryland University. Take it in 500mg doses ($39.95 for 60)

Ginger Studies at the University of Miami found 66 per cent of patients with chronic knee pain reported less soreness with a daily dose of ginger extract. There is no RDI so pump up the volume to drown out throbbing pain.

Unscrupulous athletes ease anxiety by using banned beta blockers to slow their heart rate. Chill out the honest way with these focus-enhancers. Dark delights Scoff a few squares of high-percentage cocoa chocolate. A study in the Journal of Proteome Research found that just 40g of the dark stuff lowers the stress hormone cortisol.

Cool on tap Getting a tad hot under the collar? Roll up your sleeves and run your wrists under the cold tap for 60 seconds. A study published in Physiological Research showed this technique lowers your core temperature while slowing your heart rate.

Scent victory Sure, it may not be the most macho response to a stressful deadline, but try spritzing some lavender water. The smell of lavender has been found to significantly reduce feelings of anxiety according to research in Psychiatry & Clinical Neuroscience. ( Heritage Lavender Water, $12 for 240ml)

Over half of all athletes caught drug-cheating are on anabolic steroids. Boost your stats in the pursuit of (almost) unfair size by getting a bigger hit in the gym. Anabolics mimic the effects of testosterone to bolster muscle mass. But they can also raise your blood pressure, shrink your testes and cause liver damage. An “anabolic triad” session, meanwhile, delivers a similar hormonal response by firing as many muscle fibres as possible – and it’s 100 per cent safe. Click through to get “jacked” naturally with this workout from Gareth Cole, head of education at The Third Space gym.

BARBELL DEADLIFT 3 sets of 5 reps A. Squat to grab the bar (70 per cent of 1RM) with a mixed grip: one palm up, one down. B. Thrust your hips forward to lift. If you aren’t pumped you must be cheating. WIDE-GRIP PULL-UP 3 sets of 5 reps A. Hang from a chin-up bar. This will hurt a lot less than a syringe to the groin... B. Squeeze your shoulder blades as you hoist your chest to the bar. Hold for a beat at the top. DUMBBELL SQUAT PRESS 3 sets of 5 reps A Hold the weights at shoulder-height, your palms facing one another. Lower into a deep squat. B Stand up, pressing the dumbbells skyward like you’re on the podium at Seoul ’88.

Clean hit The Journal of Strength and Conditioning found that testosterone production was optimal when resting for two minutes between sets. Go heavy, go fast, rest for 120 seconds, then repeat. Complete this 30-minute circuit twice a week with at least two days’ rest between sessions.

Erythropoietin (EPO) is the endurance athlete’s ambrosia: the more you have the longer you last. Shun the synthetic stuff in favour of a safe blood-booster you can make at home. As Lance Armstrong will (finally) attest, boosting your EPO levels increases the amount of oxygen your body can carry. Produced by the kidneys but available in synthetic form, its misuse can lead to heart disease, stroke and cerebral or pulmonary embolism. Stories of cyclists sitting on a stationary bike all night to stop their blood clogging are scary to say the least. But there’s a way to benefit safely without earning a seat next to Oprah. “Eating whole foods will provide targeted nutrients to support the body’s EPO-manufacturing process,” says Dr William Misner, director of research at Hammer Nutrition and seasoned ultramarathoner. Down this shake an hour before the starter’s gun fires to stock up on folate, iron, zinc, copper, selenium and vitamins: all crucal for the natural production of EPO. The stamina smoothie • 5tbsp mixed seeds: sunflower, roasted pumpkin and squash • 250ml orange juice • 3tbsp raw cacao nibs • ½ avocado Simply blend everything together and knock it back an hour before exercise. The healthy fats will deliver sustained energy while antioxidant-rich cocoa will neutralise harmful free radicals.

Devious sportsmen dial up their energy with amphetamines. Feeling burned out after work? There are ways to reboot without knocking on that dubious door around the corner. Coffee Why use it? Caffeine is your best hope for fighting fatigue. You already know that. But it also boosts muscular endurance and power while cutting your risk of depression. Where do I score? No-Doz tablets contain 100mg of caffeine – around the same amount you’ll find in your morning flat white. They fit in the back pocket of your running shorts, too.

Coconut water Why use it? This tropical nectar’s full of potassium, low levels of which sap your energy. Beats knocking back a Coke – studies at Loughborough University found sugary soft drinks make you more sleepy. Where do I score? Ride your high with C Coconut Water ($3) to outlast lunch-time joggers and dance-floor competitors alike.

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