Mel Greig: Why are open houses so awkward?

Why do open houses need to be so awkward? Or does this just happen in Sydney? I’ve been looking at rental places in Sydney ahead of the big move in a week and I just can’t deal with how awkward house hunting has become.

I rocked up to the first place five minutes early and other house hunters started to turn up too, and we all gathered in this group – but it was completely silent. It was awkward. People wouldn’t make eye contact. It felt like we all instantly hated each other and were the enemy, and I guess we kind of were because we all wanted the same place.

We then moved into the lift and there was bumping and pushing to race to get into the first lift load. Um, calm the fek down, the house isn’t going anywhere and just because you are first through the door doesn’t mean you’ll get the house.

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I finally got to the front door and the real estate agent was blocking the door frame and wouldn’t let me through until I gave him my phone number and email. Mate, Imma need you to at least buy me a drink before that kind of exchange will happen. I politely declined and explained I was just doing a quick look through and I didn’t really want to get spammed with emails. He assured me I wouldn’t be added to the database… nek minute I’m getting spammed with emails.

Now, that’s not the first time I had to suffer through such awkwardness because there were five more opens on my list and guess who was at the next one? The whole gang was back together, and we once again huddled out the front and hated on each other.

For me it was extra awkies because I was the only single there. Everyone else was there with their partner so they made small talk amongst each other and played the McJudgy game where you think you’re better than everyone else there and you’ve got it in the bag.

Moving is hard enough as it is so why does this part have to be so awkward and competitive? This weekend I’m breaking the mould. I’m baking cupcakes and sprinkling glitter over those downcast faces.

Who am I kidding, I’m getting there ten minutes early and getting the first spot in the lift. I might even wear a low-cut top with bum crack cleavage to really annoy the McJudgy people.