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Mel Greig: I’m not ready to give up on having a baby

Over a year ago I knew that the reality for me in having a baby naturally was at 0%.

However at age 36, with stage 4 Endometriosis and a low egg count, I still had 5% chance of IVF working for me – only, in my current situation, I wrote off that 5% chance.

It broke my heart to destroy my embryos, I’m single and we’ve all heard of so much heartache surrounding stillbirth and miscarriage . . . I’ll be high risk for both, so I had succumbed to the fact that I would not be a mother.

I ruled out my chance of having a baby, only now I’m starting to reconsider my options. Source: Supplied
I ruled out my chance of having a baby, only now I’m starting to reconsider my options. Source: Supplied

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time talking to Sophie Monk about her journey with Monash IVF where just the other day they harvested 13 eggs which is a huge haul.

And what she said to me completely changed my mindset, “But Mel, there’s still a 5% chance. All you need is that one egg and one sperm to give you that child . . . what if it works?” she asked.

Meanwhile, all I’ve been focusing on is ‘What if it fails,’ standing by my decision in not wanting to be a single mother although I think it’s incredible that women have had to take that role on alone without the help of a partner.

What I’d never thought about is freezing just my eggs or getting a donor and creating some embryos. The embryos that we ordered to have destroyed were with my ex-husband and he didn’t allow permission for me to use them.

It broke my heart to destroy my embryos. Source: Mel Greig
It broke my heart to destroy my embryos. Source: Mel Greig

I had a friend who offered his sperm and the plan would be that we’d raise the child 50/50 but it seemed like an artificial and complicated relationship. Even though the child would have two amazing parents it felt unsettling creating a life for a child that would be split between two homes by choice and from birth.

The other day I went to get my weave adjusted (hair extensions) and the salon owner Vivien had a gorgeous 2-month-old daughter, Alisa, by her side – yes this is an epic working mum trying to handle all the things.

So I asked for cuddles and held the precious baby who looks like a perfect doll, I looked down at her with an instant feeling of comfort and a thought came over me: Being a mum doesn’t mean the child needs to biologically be yours, that’s not what being a mum is. I suddenly saw myself adopting a child or using a sperm donor which would mean not knowing the father.

Holding this precious baby who looks like a perfect doll, I suddenly saw myself adopting a child or using a sperm donor. Source: Supplied
Holding this precious baby who looks like a perfect doll, I suddenly saw myself adopting a child or using a sperm donor. Source: Supplied

I was told about a website where I could flip through and choose a baby daddy, it was basically Tinder for Sperm. They can’t show you photos, but they let you know which celebrity they most look like . . . straight away I googled Chris Hemsworth and there were options.

They use a describing sentence in their title too like “Sir Laugh A lot” or “Beach Body” it’s truly fascinating reading through the anonymous descriptions and I would have full control of the embryos and my child.

An example of a donor description. Source: Supplied
An example of a donor description. Source: Supplied

I feel for women over 35 that have to make decisions based on a timeline, to be rushed into working out if and when they might become a mother. The statistics are quite high too, with 1 in 6 women having fertility difficulties.

I have a 5% chance of having a child through IVF, I’m being realistic with the outcome of freezing my eggs but at least I’ve tried . . . at least I grabbed that 5% and said show me what you’ve got.

One day I might get that miracle baby, but if I don’t at least I know I really did try everything to have my own child. Don’t give up like I did, if you truly want that baby . . . keep fighting.

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