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So, You Don't Like The New Domestic Violence TV Ad? Here's Why We Do

So you don't like the new domestic violence tv ad? here's why we do
So you don't like the new domestic violence tv ad? here's why we do

A still from the new domestic violence TV ad. Photo: Youtube

We don’t know how Tina Kontozis’s Sunday started. Perhaps the popular 51-year-old enjoyed breakfast with her teenage son. Perhaps she took a stroll down to the quiet, sandy beach she loved so much.

However, we do know how her Sunday ended. At 3.30pm police were called to the quiet Bundeena street in which she lived, after neighbours reported hearing the sound of screams. There, Kontozis was found dead, allegedly bludgeoned to death with a cricket bat. The following day her ex-partner was arrested, while her son, also allegedly wounded in the attack, lay in hospital recovering from his injuries.

In a heartbreaking coincidence, Sunday was also the day that the federal government released its new national campaign to prevent violence against women.

Domestic violence is a scourge that kills at least one woman a week in Australia, and the television campaign, called “Let’s Stop It Before It Starts”, is powerful.

It aims to show that disrespect for women at a young age can, in some cases, curdles into aggression and even violence. In one scene, a skinny, innocent-faced boy pushes a girl to the ground; in another a true blue Aussie dad urges his son not to “throw like a girl”. Other scenes show grown men shouting at cowering women, before the voiceover intones: “Violence against women starts with disrespect … Let’s stop it before it starts.”

To many of us, the message is chilling, but pretty straightforward: Don’t disrespect women. Don’t hit women. Violence is not OK.

But to many who have seen the campaign, the message is not so clear-cut.

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Since we posted the “Let’s Stop It Before It Starts” video to our Facebook page last week, close to six million people have watched it; 100,000 have shared it, and 2500 people have commented beneath the post.

It is by far the most controversial video we’ve ever posted – nothing we’ve posted on any other issue has come close to sparking debate in the same way as this video. And what really caught our eye was the number of comments that insisted that men, not women, are the real victims here.

The key complaint? That the ad “demonises” men, that it draws a dubious line between normal, if naughty, childhood behaviour and boys going on to abuse women. “The link from early childhood incidences [of violence] is tenuous at best,” complained one. “It portrays men in the wrong light” said another.

So you don't like the new domestic violence TV ad? here's why we do
So you don't like the new domestic violence TV ad? here's why we do

Tina Kontozis. Photo: Instagram

Many – and this included men and women – were annoyed that the video focused on violence towards women only. “Why is it always men who that are made out to be the abusers?” “Domestic violence occurs against men as well”.

And, asked others, what about the high rates of male suicides? Where are the hard-hitting ad campaigns for issues like that?

Honestly? These are good points.

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Many campaigners, including the well-respected “Our Watch”, believe that Australia’s horrific domestic violence record stems from sexism and inequality. In other words, because we live in a society that undervalues women, some men take this to its most extreme expression: violence.

This is the philosophy that underpins the “Let’s Stop It Before It Starts” campaign. It is also the philosophy behind Malcolm Turnbull’s announcement, shortly after he became Prime Minister, that “Disrespecting women does not always result in violence against women. But all violence against women begins with disrespecting women.”

marie claire supports early intervention to reduce violence against women (and we think it’s pretty difficult to find fault with the idea that boys should be respectful of girls from an early age).

But plenty of people have their doubts.

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In The Guardian recently, researchers reflected that the role of alcohol and drugs in domestic violence should not be underestimated. The journalist Gay Alcorn pointed out that, in embracing the idea that violence stems from disrespect, Australia is the only country in the world approaching this issue from such a gendered perspective. News Corp’s Miranda Devine has also argued that poverty, not sexism, is at the root of domestic violence.

Compelling evidence to support this idea comes from Sweden where, despite a glowing record for women’s rights (Sweden is famous for offering generous paid parental leave, and has a very low gender pay gap), domestic violence rates remain shockingly high. (Half of all Swedish women will face physical or sexual violence by men according to an ABC Foreign Correspondent documentary)

And – to address another point made in the comment section of our Facebook post – it is true that men are victims of domestic violence, too. And yes, issues like male suicide are deserving of attention and support.

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But this ad was about domestic violence against women. An issue that kills at least one woman a week in Australia. And while it may be true that not all boys who disrespect girls early on in life will go on to violently attack their grown partners, some do.

And that is why – until we better understand the complexity of the causes behind domestic violence – we must do our best to help women – like Tina Kontozis – who are at risk, right now.

Watching the comments section come alive –with posts that were ugly, aggressive and at times borderline defamatory – it’s easy to see why you might agree with one Facebook user who described the pile-on as “everything that is wrong with the world”.

But we disagree with that too. Because that video – however controversial – got hundreds of thousands of people talking about domestic violence. And that’s the least we owe Tina Kontozis.