George Clooney will officially be off the market by the end of September, ladies. Let us have a moment of silence in mourning of our number one bachelor. Clooney and his fiance, human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin posted their marriage banns (basically a document stating intention to get married) at Chelsea Town Hall, which revealed that the wedding of the year will take place on September 20. Sniff.
The marriage banns tantalisingly teased that the wedding will take place in Italy. While many have thought this meant Clooney's palatial Lake Como villa (pictured), it is rumoured that the pair will actually rent out an entire island off the coast of Venice for their million-dollar nuptials. The change probably went down because of Clooney's infamous need for privacy. He schmoozed the local Lake Como mayor to instigate new laws in June that would prevent anyone from stopping outside his villa and also from swimming within 100 metres of the property.
George Clooney and Giorgio Armani have had a long and beautiful friendship - the actor has worn bespoke suits by the Italian brand to many events, including the Oscars last year. Armani sent out a team from Milan to Clooney's Lake Como home to fit the actor and his groomsmen (more on that in a second!) in suave suits for the wedding. This might be the first time we are more excited for the suit than we are for the dress...
Speaking of the dress... Clooney's bride - 36-year-old human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin - is keeping tight-lipped on just what designer she'll be wearing to walk down the aisle in September. Logically, we might expect the bride to also choose Armani for the big day, but WWD is reporting that Alamuddin is shopping around, considering several designers including Oscar de la Renta.
The best man
Now for a couple of things that we really hope will happen. We hope that when Alamuddin walks down the aisle she sees Clooney's bromantic buddy Brad Pitt beside him (in a matching Armani suit, of course). The pair has been joined at the hip since Ocean's Eleven and have a famously close relationship. Clooney's Aunt Starla from Ohio told The Daily Mail that she thought Mr Angelina Jolie would be Clooney's first choice for his best man. And Aunt Starla, surely, is a trustworthy source.
The rowdiest guest
In our dreams Amy Poehler takes one for womankind and heads to the Clooney-Alamuddin wedding determined to have a great time. We know she gets us, ever since she sat on Clooney's lap at the 2013 Golden Globes and quaffed vintage Moet as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear. C'mon, Poehler, we're counting on you.
We know that Clooney likes to wine and dine. We hope that the guests are treated to the very best Italian cuisine on offer - molto seafood, molto panna cotta and molto molto vino. And, of course, what goes better with cake than a Nespresso? (We reckon he could get his hands on quite a few of the nifty machines ...) "What else?"
Some things we know aren't going to happen.
... that Alamuddin's most high-profile client - Julian Assange - won't be attending, even if he snags an invitation, given he has been holed up in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London for the past two years.
... that the privacy-loving couple won't have a wedding hashtag and their big day won't be splashed all over social media.
... that no matter how much we wish it, the couple won't be selling their wedding photos to the highest bidder. Knowing Clooney, he'll just release the images into the public domain at a moment he chooses.
And, finally, that Max, Clooney's beloved pot-bellied pet pig, won't be ambling his way down the aisle as ring-bearer (Max passed away in 2006). This does leave an opening for a member of the Jolie-Pitt clan to serve as ring-bearer though ... Our money is on Shiloh.