'The Celebrity Interview That Still Haunts Me Today'

When Heath Ledger, then 22, walked into a hotel suite on Manhattan's Park Avenue in early 2001, his relief at hearing an Australian accent was unmistakable. "G'day," he mumbled, gratefully.

The tousle-haired actor was young and beautiful and seemed as cocksure as I was shy. Newly arrived from Brisbane, I'd just started writing for a New York newspaper. Ledger had returned from a globetrotting dream run. In 18 months he'd shot three movies, only to find that Hollywood had anointed him its newest leading man - whether he liked it or not.

Columbia Pictures had decided that a combination of acting talent and surfer-boy looks made him the Next Big Thing and that their latest film, A Knights Tale, would be sold on the strength of his obvious physical appeal.

Ledger had arrived in New York on day six of an exhausting promo tour to find his face plastered on billboards with the tagline: 'He will rock you'. He was horrified. "Nobody asked me if I wanted this," I remember him lamenting as he slouched in his chair, looking artfully dishevelled in baggy street gear with his unruly mane tied back in a red wool bandana.

By the time I arrived, Ledger had spent nearly all day doing interviews. Periodically interrupting our chat to stare out the window at the brilliantly sunny day, he looked like a kid forced to stay inside and do his homework. "Right now, I'd like to be walking down that street to Central Park," he surprised me by saying.

Maybe meeting a fellow Aussie at the end of a long day answering questions made him lower his guard, because Ledger started going off-script. He glanced at the publicist hovering outside the room before leaning in closer. He felt like a product, he confided, like he was whoring himself.

"Is there a point where the price will get too high?" he said. "Believe me, I'm thinking about that every day: is it worth it?"

If this whole Hollywood thing were to go pear-shaped, he added, he'd be happy to go home to Australia, surf with his mates, and return to making the independent movies he loved. "I might do that anyway," he said.

He seemed like an indie soul trapped in a movie star's life and I wondered what would become of him. He loved acting. He was good at it. But that crazy celebrity carousel he'd boarded was messing with his head, I thought.

After six years, I left New York. By then, stories had begun to surface about Ledger's total immersion in his role as the Joker in The Dark Knight - of him turning up to parties looking unkempt and dressed in wacky ensembles - and there were reports he was battling addiction and depression.

When news broke in January 2008 that he'd died of an accidental prescription drug overdose, I immediately recalled the soul-searching of our conversation years before. The memory of the man I met that day haunts me still: a serious young actor on the cusp of superstardom, torn between the siren call of opportunity and a yearning for the safe harbour of home.

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