Love Island heats up after Elias and Millie confirm their feelings

By Deirdre Fidge

It’s hard to believe we are still only our second week in Love Island! They say time flies when you’re having fun, which makes this feeling of never-ending drama and chaos seem logical. What are we doing with our lives?

Anyway, let’s chat about tonight.

Things heat up on this episode of Australia’s Love Island.

The gang are mourning Kim’s departure, causing surprise to viewers who struggle to differentiate between all the female contestants. Maybe she told really good knock-knock jokes, IDK. 

Ten bucks says they forget her name by the end of the night. Source: Nine
“I loved Tim like a sister. I mean brother. Wait no, I mean Kim.” Source: Nine

The fact they have signed up to a game show-esque spectacle with (albeit very vague) rules seems to have hit some of them, with Grant wisely stating “This isn’t Friend Island.” And thank God for that, because I never want to see David Schwimmer on my television again. 

François also acknowledges this is a game by making those classic, “I’m here to find love, this is a game after all,” etc comments that reality stars always make. She and Elias allegedly flirt a lot but all we actually see is an unwashed dude scooping a woman into his arms like she’s a box of recycling.  

It’s great when men do things like that without asking to remind us of their physical strength and overall power in the world. So cute! Source: Nine

BUT WAIT – for reasons nobody on earth could possibly fathom, another woman has Elias in her sights. Millie, too, wants to be flung around the kitchen by this caveman. Bingo bango, the villa has another love triangle. 

Elsewhere, Josh and Natasha have several mind-numbing conversations about boats, Daryl Braithewaite and Josh’s false belief that Perth is in Melbourne. Natasha describes this as getting on “really well”. Good on them. 

Josh says, “We see the same page together”. And what a glorious page that must be. Source: Nine

BEEP BEEP! Text alert! Erin and Eden have been ordered to go food shopping to enable the gang to eat tapas (or as Erin calls them “tapapapadapas”). They first have a date sipping enormous cocktails and sharing a pathetically small bowl of olives, but truthfully it’s kind of cute because they end up telling each other, “you make me happy,” and my frosty heart is briefly melted by the potential of an authentic moment. Dammit. 

The look of a man who loves a woman pronouncing ‘tapas’ as ‘tapapadapas’. Source: Nine
I am calling 000 immediately because I thought this moment was actually cute?! Help. Source: Nine

It’s then time for the men to get cooking. Nobody knows what tapas is which is a great start. Luckily for the other clueless men suggesting they steam a wheel of cheese, Justin steps up as he seems to be the only one who has prepared any food other than flopping a discount Coles steak onto a flaking grill. 

You know what they say… too many cooks spoil the most basic meal preparations. Source: Nine
Is this dinner? No wonder everyone is so skinny. Source: Nine

As with all civilised dinner parties, tapas naturally leads to Grant having his bum waxed, and a hasty commercial break allows us viewers to take a moment and step outside, look up at the moon and wonder: how did this become my life? 

May the lord have mercy on us all. Source: Nine

Post-butt wax, once everyone has stopped screaming, Françoise attempts a conversation with Elias about feelings but he gets distracted by a bug. This has literally happened to me before so Françoise, don’t waste your time mate. 

Tarzan needs to swing away forever, preferably off a tall mountain. Source: Nine

BING BONG, suddenly a ‘Truth Bike’ appears, and everyone confesses some secrets. Grant and Erin admit they are falling in love with their partners, Elias reveals he likes Millie, but nobody reveals that they are actually a large lizard wearing human skin with plans to devour all future contestants that evening. Weird! 

“What was the question again? It’s difficult coordinating my limbs and frontal lobe at the same time.” Source: Nine

Elias and Millie confirm they have feelings/spicy pantaloons for each other, seemingly having shared interests such as bugs or throwing people into bodies of water. 

But does he like dogs? Source: Nine

ANOTHER TEXT! All islanders are called to the fire pit, and must decide which of them will be thrown into the flames as a sacrifice. Wait sorry no, only the first part of that sentence is true. Françoise has to choose a mate. 

Tragically, there will be no human sacrifices this evening. Source: Nine
A speech more rousing than Martin Luther King’s. Source: Nine

Françoise chooses the short-attention caveman which seems like a fairly big self-own given he just publicly stated he prefers another person. This isn’t Friend Island, remember Franny? 

Hooray for future awkward moments with this coupling! Source: Nine

Another rollercoaster come to an end! But don’t weep, tomorrow we’ll see a Sons of Anarchy ripoff bound in, leather-clad and steely-eyed… and I don’t think any of us are prepared for that. 

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