Lance Bass Opens Up About Coming to Terms with Being Gay While in *NSYNC: 'I Would Cry Every Night'

Lance Bass is opening up about what he calls the “whole-life process” of coming to terms with being gay, and how coming out impacted his career in 2006.

The former *NSYNC member joined California Governor Gavin Newsom and co-host Doug Hendrickson on the most recent episode of their iHeart podcast Politickin’, where Newsom questioned him about what it was like being closeted while in the public eye as part of one of the biggest musical acts of the late ’90s and early 2000s.

“I mean, I knew I was gay since I was, you know, 5 years old,” Bass said. “But also knew at a young age that was something I was going to have to hide my whole entire life because, you know, it was dangerous, especially growing up in a state like Mississippi where there's not one gay person, not one out person at all, because it again was dangerous.”

Bass, 45, explained that from a young age he’d heard stories of people being murdered because they were gay, and was taught that “it was caused by the devil.”

Related: Chris Kirkpatrick Recalls a 'Lot of Animosity' from *NSYNC After Justin Timberlake's Solo Career Forced Pause

“As a very religious person growing up, you know, I wanted to do everything I could not to go burn in hell,” he recalled. “I would cry like every night. You know, I would pray, ‘Please wake up not being gay. Please wake up being attracted to girls.’ Which is like a sad thing to put on a little kid.”

He went on to describe being in a boy band with a largely female audience as “God’s little joke.”

“You're living this life and like, ‘Okay, this is gonna be fun.’ And it's right when you're, you know, coming of age and you’re dating for the first time,” he said. “I'm like, ‘Oh Lord, I'm gonna have to deal with this. I'm really gonna have to deal with this. And I'm like the most public person in the world right now. Like, how am I supposed to deal with this?’ ”

Bass recalled dating women — including Boy Meets World star Danielle Fishel — while still in the closet. “You would trick yourself into thinking this is what love is, right? This is what it feels like. And I thought I loved these girls that I, you know, dated,” he said. “And then you just wake up one day, you're like, ‘No, uh-uh, this is not it.’ ”

Related: *NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees All Recall Obsessing Over TRL Every Day to Find Out Who Was More Popular

Bass ultimately came out on the cover of PEOPLE in 2006. “It was a crazy scary situation because all the examples I've ever had of anyone coming out, especially in entertainment, was that it's a career killer,” he recalled. To his surprise, Bass said, the response from the public was largely positive.

But coming out still had consequences. “The career definitely changed, and they were right about that. Like, it was definitely a career killer,” he said.

Bass explained that at the time, with *NSYNC on an indefinite hiatus, he was looking to pivot to acting, having previously appeared on 7th Heaven and in the 2001 film On the Line.

“I had a sitcom, you know, with The CW at the time, and we were about to shoot the pilot and this came out and they were like, ‘We can't do the show anymore. Like, they have to believe that you're straight to play a straight character,’ ” he recalled. “And every casting director I knew, they’re like, ‘Lance, we can't cast you because they can't look past — You're too famous for being gay now that they can't look at you as anything other than that.’ So, I lost everything. You know, agents, everything just everyone just kind of like kind of fell off. Like, ‘I don't know what we can do with you now.’ And so yeah, I had to completely just restart and rebrand at that moment.”

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In the years since, Bass said, he’s rekindled relationships with some of the casting directors who initially rejected him after coming out. “They're all kind of like, ‘Yeah, that was really dumb.’ And they've actually cast me a lot of things since, which is really funny and ironic,” he explained. “But you know, I never hold grudges at all. Like I'm very understanding. Like, I get it. Business is business is business. It sucks, but I never can hold grudges.”

Bass also said he’s been encouraged in recent years by the number of out celebrities who have found success. “I love being able to turn on the radio and hear so many LGBTQIA artists, incredible actors,” he said. “I mean, it's actually a good thing to be yourself these days. I think if you're kind of hiding yourself and you're closeted, that it's harder to have a career in this business.”

Read the original article on People