Kailyn Lowry Emotionally Recalls Bringing Newborn Son Home as His Twin Remained in the NICU: 'I Cried a Lot'
Lowry and boyfriend Elijah Scott recall what it was like managing their family of nine with twins in the NICU
Kailyn Lowry is opening up about managing five kids at home while her newborn twins were in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).
On the latest episode of her Barely Famous podcast, released on Friday, the 31-year-old podcast host and boyfriend Elijah Scott continued sharing their experience with their twins' premature birth last fall.
After welcoming her twins five weeks early, Lowry said that the couple couldn't hold their babies until over 24 hours after they were born as they were settled into the NICU.
"They weren't just there for a couple of days. We were there for a couple of weeks, and we learned so much about the families that are there, and some of them are there for months and months," Lowry shared.
Lowry also described her frustrations at not getting clear answers from doctors, noting, "I wanted to know if what I was seeing was normal."
Of her girl twin, referred to as Baby B, she said, "I had never seen a baby in my life not wake up to eat or show signs of hunger. She would just sleep through feedings. She never had any feeding cues and when I tried to feed her, she wouldn't take a bottle."
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
"And that was really difficult because I'm looking at him [Baby A], and I'm seeing he's in the NICU for some of the same reasons, but also he's taking a bottle, and he's having no issue with that. And then she was just sleeping all the time," she said through tears.
"I cried a lot. I probably cried more with the NICU journey than the c-section stuff," she noted.
Later, the couple explained that their son was released before their daughter, making a stressful situation logistically more complicated.
"We had to travel back and forth, at least once a day, one of us," Scott recalled.
"It was an hour drive there and back and when I was there, I was there for hours," Lowry said, acknowledging. "And then we have six other kids. When he was discharged from the NICU, we had him at home."
Lowry recalled breaking down about the situation while visiting her daughter one day, after which a doctor asked her if she needed psychological help.
"I said I have my own therapist, but I'm away from my infant, and my infant is away from her twin. And I feel like that in and of itself was enough for me to cry," she said.
"And I know he didn't mean anything by it; he was covering all his legal bases, but it also felt like a punch in the gut because I felt like it was a normal reaction for me to cry. But in the same breath, I get it because I've gone through postpartum depression, and so I understand, too, covering all the bases to make sure if someone does need resources... I don't think it was the way he said it but how he said it."
Lowry said that she felt she was handling herself well for everything on her plate but still did feel herself struggling in certain aspects.
"For me, it was you couldn't be there with me in the NICU when I went," she told Scott.
"She was away from her twin; we were away from her. When we were home, we still couldn't process it because there was so much going on here. Lincoln still had his basketball games and practices. Isaac still had his after-school stuff. Lux still had what he was doing," she continued.
"I still don't even know if we've processed it. I don't think I've processed it to this day. We went to the pediatrician yesterday, and I'm still very much concerned about so many things," Lowry added.
"It's valid because it's hard. I know it might not seem like I show it. I'm more open with you versus everybody else. But at the same time, it's like, if you're going through it, we both can't go through it at the same time," Scott said. "Because then what about the other kids? Somebody still needs to be there for them."
Lowry did her best to work on bonding with her daughter during their limited time together, which included making her NICU space "feel homey."
"I printed out pictures for the NICU wall because I didn't know how long we'd be there and I wanted it to make sure that it felt homey," she shared. "I just didn't want her to be alone."
After some time, the couple were elated to be able to bring their baby girl home, though Lowry's worries didn't exactly end there.
"I think that there's a big difference between the twins in terms of, because she was in the NICU by herself for so long, for so many weeks, and he was home, she's more okay by herself ... whereas we were home with him and someone was always with him, holding him and all of that. Now that she's home, I feel like my bonding experience has been so much better."
Lowry also wants to make sure the twins are closer than ever, saying, "They were apart for so long that I feel like they need [to bond] ... I get worried that the NICU stay, what if it ruined their bond or put a strain on it. I'm trying to remagnetize them to get them back to where they were."
Lowry noted that despite a busy season where "Lincoln had a birthday, Rio had a birthday, Thanksgiving, all of this is happening as we still had a daughter in the NICU," the difficulties were outweighed by the joy of watching her sons meet their twin siblings.
"Rio meeting Baby A was the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life," the proud mom shared. "He thinks he's a triplet. He burps them, he's been so sweet with those twins, and it's literally the cutest f------ thing and truly, Lux and Creed have been good, too."
"That's part of the 'I feel complete, I feel done,' that's part of it," she said, lightheartedly adding, "I think the only little piece that's missing a little bit is that she doesn't have a sister."
"Yeah, she's the only one so..." Scott said, watching Lowry for her response, where she laughed.
"I feel grateful, thankful, fulfilled, happy, complete... we're putting an addition on our house because of this. I feel so blessed. They are good babies."
For more People news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter!
Read the original article on People.