Is It Healthy To Congratulate Your Ex On A New Relationship?

News broke last week that Mariah Carey is engaged to billionaire James Packer, and her ex-husband quickly responded with a hilarious post on Instagram.

“Ha! This made me laugh out loud for real!! HILARIOUS!” Nick Cannon captioned a photo of himself lying in a hospital bed under the words “It’s just a ring, Nick.” “#AllLove Congrats to @MariahCarey and James! May God Bless Your Future Union…#GreatPeople #GreatCouple”

Carey and Cannon divorced in 2014 after a six-year marriage, and the couple share 4-year-old twins Moroccan and Monroe. After their divorce, Cannon said on Twitter that he would “never say anything negative” about Carey.

But is it really necessary to publicly congratulate your ex on a new relationship? It depends, relationship psychologist Karin Anderson, PhD, tells Yahoo Health. “In many cases, people would have shared a social circle when they were a couple,” she points out. “I do think that it’s appropriate to prepare yourself for people to look to see what your response will be.”

According to Anderson, the more gracious, the better. But how you should react to the news of your ex’s engagement or marriage ultimately depends on who you are as a person. Anderson points out that the humorous tactic was great for Cannon because he’s known as a funny person. “It was very authentic for him to respond in that way,” she says.

But if you’re not that type of person, you’re going to come across as disingenuous if you make an online joke about it. “If that’s not your personality, people will think you’re overcompensating,” Anderson says.

The same is true if you rarely post on social media — it will seem off if you suddenly address the topic. “People are going to see it more as ‘I’m fine!! Don’t worry about me!!’” says Anderson. “They’re going to see right through it.”

But if you regularly post about life on Facebook or Twitter, Anderson says it’s perfectly fine to post a note of congratulations: “It will just be one of the many topic you’re addressing.”

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Worth keeping in mind: Anderson points out that posting about an ex has the potential to impact your current relationship, so it may be worth giving your current significant other a heads up that you’re doing it.

And, of course, there’s the question of whether you should reach out to your ex directly. If you have a good relationship, Anderson says it’s appropriate. But if not, just avoid it. “You don’t have to make a public or private statement,” she says. “You can just go your separate ways.”