These Dog Jokes Will Make You Bark With Laughter

Why are there no losers in a dachshund race? Because they’re all weiners!

We feel the same way about these hilarious dog jokes. From corny jokes for kids to clever dog puns, these are all weiners in our book.

From chasing their tail to bonking into walls to wagging their tails a mile a minute, dogs are always entertaining and making people laugh. And we promise, these jokes about dogs will do the same.

So, if dog humor is the corg-key to your heart, you’re in the right place. Whether you love laughing with your Lab or cackling with your Cocker Spaniel, these one-liners will tickle your funny bone and have you barking with laughter.

Funny Dog Jokes

  • I can't take my dog down to the local pond anymore, because the ducks keep attacking him. It's my fault for choosing a pure bread dog.

  • What’s the best way to stop your dog from barking in the front yard? Put him in the backyard.

  • Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? He was trying to make both ends meet!

  • What's a dog's favorite mode of transportation? A waggin'!

  • Why do dogs tend to run in circles? Because it's really hard to run in squares.

  • What kind of dog never throws anything away? A hoarder collie.

  • Why are dogs terrible dancers? Because they have two left feet.

  • The secret to life is to handle every situation like a dog: If you can’t play with it, eat it or bury it, just pee on it and walk away.

  • What did the police officer do when he saw a dog giving birth on the side of the road? He gave her a ticket for littering.

  • What do you call a wild dog that meditates? Aware wolf.

Breed-Specific Dog Jokes

  • How did the dog get from Boston to New York? He took a Greyhound.

  • How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello? "Konichihuahua."

  • Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long, little doggy!

  • Which dog breed loves living in the Big Apple? A New Yorkie.

  • Why aren't Corgi jokes funny? All of them are really short.

  • My dog’s not fat; he’s just a little Husky.

  • Why are there no losers in a Dachshund race? They’re all weiners.

  • Why are border collies such good listeners? Because you can tell they really herd you.

  • What did the Dalmatian say when he finished dinner? That hit the spot.

  • What type of zoo has only one dog? A Shih Tzu.

  • What’s a herding dog’s favorite game? Hide and sheep.

Dog Jokes for Kids

  • What’s the most popular dog breed among magicians? The labracadabrador.

  • What do you call a dog that’s playing outdoors in winter? A chili dog.

  • What do you get a dog for its birthday? Pupcakes!

  • What is Dracula’s favorite breed of dog? A bloodhound!

  • What kind of dog should you get if you’re always late? A watchdog!

  • What’s a dog’s favorite position to play in football? Golden receiver.

  • Why are skeletons afraid of dogs? Because dogs love bones.

  • Where do dogs park their car? In the barking lot.

  • Why did the dog stay out of the sun? So he wouldn’t be a hot dog.

  • Why did the dog do so well in school? He was the teacher’s pet.

  • What did the dog say to its teacher when it forgot its homework? “My human ate my homework.”

  • Who is the greatest dog detective that ever lived? Sherlock Bones.

  • Who is the most famous doggy magician in history? Houndini.

  • My friend says her dog will retrieve a ball over a mile away, but that sounds far-fetched to me.

  • I tried to trick my dog into eating a healthy snack, but he didn’t bite.

  • What kind of car does a dog drive? A Fur-rari.

  • Why did the boy name his dog Ten Miles? So he could tell his gym teacher he walked Ten Miles every day.

  • Why are conjunctions dogs’ favorite parts of speech? Dogs love buts.

  • What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school? Their masters.

  • How do dogcatchers get paid? By the pound.

  • Dogs are terrible with boundaries — instead of standing up for themselves, they just roll over.

  • What’s the difference between dogs and marine biologists? Dogs wag their tails, and marine biologists tag their whales.

  • I refuse to take my dog on road trips anymore. He can be such a bark seat driver.

  • What's a dog's favorite type of workout? Pawlates!

  • What is the difference between a man and a dog? A man wears trousers, a dog pants.

  • What do you call it when a stressed dog goes shopping? Re-tail therapy.

  • My dad adopted a dog from the local blacksmith. As soon as he got home, he made a bolt for the door.

Dog Puns

  • Why do dogs float? Because they’re good buoys!

  • Why should you be careful when it rains cats and dogs? Because you might step in a poodle.

  • What trees are dogs most afraid of? Redwoods, they have the biggest bark.

  • What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise? Flea markets.

  • What kind of dog likes taking a bath every day? A shampoo-dle.

  • What do dogs eat for breakfast? Pooched eggs.

  • Why did the family take their dog to the watchmaker? It had ticks!

  • What do a call a dog that sneezes? A-choo-wawa.

  • What’s the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs? A doggy roverdose.

  • Why did the dog go to grad school? To become a bark-chitect.

  • What’s a dog’s favorite instrument? A trombone.

  • How do dogs pay for their shopping? They scan the bark codes.

  • Where should you go if your dog is missing? The lost and hound.

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