If you’ve always dreamed of Natasha Lyonne helping you out with a crossword, inviting over Lena Dunham to paint a mural on one of your walls, or hiring Parks and Recreation’s Adam Scott to walk your dog, it’s your lucky day thanks to a series of star-studded charity auctions,
In a bid to fundraise for the actors, writers, and other film crew who are currently taking part in the ongoing Hollywood strikes, a whole host of celebrities are auctioning off weird and wonderful experiences and rare items.
All auctions are currently taking place on The Union Solidarity Coalition’s eBay page. The many prizes include Lena Dunham painting a mural in your house, an apron signed by the cast of The Bear, Tom Waits’ fedora, and a Hawaiian shirt signed by Daniel Radcliffe and "Weird Al" Yankovic.
Many of the auctions have already attracted soaring numbers of bids. All proceeds will go to the Motion Picture and Television Fund, to help the organisation support striking Hollywood crew who have lost their healthcare insurance during the ongoing strike action.
Hollywood’s strike action began in May this year when the Writers Guild of America – which represents over 11,500 US screenwriters – went on strike. The American actor’s union SAG-AFTRA also began strike action from July. Strikers’ demands include higher pay, fair compensation and transparency around shoes which go onto became hits on streaming services, shorter exclusivity deals for writers, and for assurances and safeguarding measures around protecting crews from rapidly-advancing AI tech.
A fair few of the objects and experiences on offer, you may have noticed, are quite odd – and it has inspired all manner of speculation around what other celebrity auction items would break the internet.
As it turns out, making up fictional auctions you would be willing to go bankrupt for is addictive. A guided Cosmopolitan-drinking tour around Manhattan with Kim Cattrall, with a secret off the record segment dedicated to Sex and the City drama? Take my money!
An interior design consultation with Jennifer Coolidge, in character as White Lotus’ Tanya McQuoid? Obviously! And as several tweeters have already noticed, one of the greatest prizes of all would be getting the exclusive inside story on what really went down on the set of Don’t Worry Darling.
Unfortunately, none of these items on sale are real, but nonetheless, here are the internet’s greatest fake auction listings. We can still dream!
HELP i won the lena dunham mural auction and she hasn’t painted Shit!!!!!! i want her to leave 😰 pic.twitter.com/7c4NYhL7y1
— sbeve (@bereswheel) September 15, 2023
— bobz. (@boujeebx) September 14, 2023
This is the one for me pic.twitter.com/Ks95Oil6qv
— Keith Goulette 🪦 (@keithgdesigns) September 14, 2023
— mar (@bettercallmarz) September 14, 2023
— Tom Zohar (@TomZohar) September 13, 2023
Wasn’t paying any attention to the celebrity auction until now pic.twitter.com/TsFcVtXRC0
— Keri (@kerionmywayward) September 15, 2023
— myesha thee stallion (@myeshachou) September 14, 2023
I absolutely can't tell which of the celebrity auction things are real and which are jokes so for simplicity and also my own amusement, I'm pretending they're all real
— Sarah Hollowell 🦝 (@sarahhollowell) September 14, 2023
These strike auctions are insane pic.twitter.com/2YFn7CShWU
— The Only Living Dead Girl in New York (@missjellinsky) September 14, 2023
— Andy Unreal Unearth (@djarincinciri) September 14, 2023
— lissy (@babeygirlmac) September 14, 2023