Bella Thorne, 27, Has Survived Loss, Abuse and Child Stardom. Now She's 'Taking Control' (Exclusive)

Bella Thorne is a former Disney star, an outspoken advocate and a rising director — and after a lifetime in the spotlight, she's stepping into a new chapter.

At just 27 she’s already achieved what many could only dream of, but her journey hasn’t been without its challenges.

After getting her first big break on Disney Channel's Shake It Up, Thorne — whose father died when she was just 9 years old — survived child stardom, abuse and the trappings of fame with an unshakable mix of grit, resilience and creativity.

Still, the star says she's just getting started.

“I’ve been doing this so long that it’s second nature,” the actress and filmmaker tells PEOPLE. Now healthy, happy and in love, Thorne says she's ready to turn the page — and go behind the camera as a director for her upcoming project, Color Your Hurt.

Related: Bella Thorne Records Mental Health Check-In on Instagram: ‘Hold Space for Your Tears’

Between balancing her multi-pronged career, a relationship with fiancé Mark Emms and her advocacy work with organizations like amfAR and PETA, Thorne is determined to live a life as dynamic as the characters she portrays — on her own terms.

In an exclusive interview, she opens up about everything from the lasting impact of her father’s death to her creative evolution as a Hollywood mainstay. (The following Q&A has been edited for length and clarity.)

What advice would you give to your younger self?

Advice I would give to my younger self? I don’t know that I would really give her advice. She was a little too angry to take advice. I’d probably just get in a fight with her.

I’m very thankful for it [childhood]. Of course, when I deal with things in therapy and whatnot, therapy has helped me a lot to figure my own s--- out. It’s really helped me understand and not be so angry in life. I think I always felt like I didn’t necessarily have a voice, the way I grew up. It was like everyone else’s voice was on me.

Related: Bella Thorne Gives the Middle Finger to Ozempic in New Bikini Video After Saying It Sets 'Crazy Beauty Standards'

Why is that? Because of Disney? Or your family? 

No, I think it’s the world. There should be real therapy mandated for children growing up and becoming famous overnight. I think Chappell Roan just spoke about this too — how you’d be crazy not to go crazy because it’s just too much at points in your life.

If the correct guardrails aren’t in place — and even when they are in place — things can still go wrong. I definitely wouldn’t give my younger self advice except, “Go talk to somebody.” But when I grew up, therapy wasn’t really... That was still taboo.  And even now, it’s still quite taboo, where you’re like, "Guys, what world are we living in? I think we all need therapy."

Do you ever feel like you missed out on parts of your childhood because you were acting? Have you made peace with that?

Yeah, I've made peace with it. The good outweighs the bad of the fun moments I might have missed. Now I get to relive some of those moments with Mark's kids. They're young, so I get to experience a childlike joy with them. It's really sweet. His daughter is 14 and his son is 10.

You've talked about having dyslexia. How did that shape your childhood and career?

Disney was so smart and sweet. They were the first people to make me feel good about my dyslexia. Before that, it was always seen as a bad thing. I was bullied for it. I had to go to Sylvan Learning Center and be homeschooled. I was embarrassed about reading because I was so bad at it. When I was on Shake It Up, I had to do weekly table reads with so much dialogue, and the scripts sometimes changed the night before. I had to read in front of everybody. It was nerve-wracking. I’d be sweating, and when I messed up, I’d hear people laugh, thinking I was being silly, but I wasn’t. One of the writers figured out I was dyslexic, and Disney made an episode about it. They made CeCe dyslexic. That was such a sweet moment. It was like, "Wow, you guys think this is a good thing to talk about?"

How did losing your dad impact you and your family?

My dad passed away when I was nine, and it completely changed everything. We were already struggling financially before he died, but after, it got even harder. My mom had to raise four kids on her own, and I started acting more seriously to help support the family. It was tough, but it taught me resilience. I think about him every day, and it’s his energy that pushes me to keep going, even when things get hard.

Do you have a memory of your dad that stands out to you?

My favorite memory of my dad is making him coffee in the mornings for work. He was so alive, so energetic and the loudest person in the room. I also loved listening to music in the car with him and my mom — him rapping all the lyrics and my mom singing along. My parents didn’t care what we listened to, so we grew up with real rap music, even the raunchier stuff. I’m sure people looked at us like we were crazy, but we loved it.

How has directing and producing shifted your perspective on storytelling?

I think that it shifted a lot in a very emotional way. I think that I definitely hone in more on the emotion and having the emotion speak throughout the movie in different ways, whether it’s the camera language, the wall paint or certain knickknacks around the house that really make us feel the emotion of the character. And that's been really exciting to really morph the different things into one another. The movie I'm working on right now is called Color Your Hurt, and we use color throughout the entirety of the movie to help tell the story. Right now, I'm in the lingo of always being like, "What does blue make you feel like? Blue is like childhood for me. A remembrance of innocence." And really bringing that back and then being like, "But this is anger, a real hot red," and, "This is badness, like an orangey red."

You’ve done amazing work with organizations like amfAR and PETA. Can you tell me about that?
I love amfAR so much. To have an organization that makes so much headway every year and keeps striving is beautiful. They wanted to reach a younger audience and educate them because some young people don’t even know AIDS and HIV are still things, which is crazy to me. In the commercials I directed for them, I tried to change people’s minds and educate them without being too pushy. Hospital-style videos aren’t always effective. I wanted to make something people could watch and feel comfortable talking about with their families at the dinner table.

As for PETA, I’ve worked with them on campaigns like raising awareness about SeaWorld. I have a personal connection because when I was younger, my sister shot a commercial there, and I remember being so awestruck by these beautiful creatures. Now, looking back, I think about how they’re treated — it messes with your head. Activism is my way of creating change, even if it’s just sparking a conversation.

Related: Bella Thorne Says Wedding Planning with Producer Fiancé Mark Emms 'Solidifies Our Partnership' (Exclusive)

What do you most appreciate about your relationship with your fiancé Mark, and how did you know he was the one?

What do I most appreciate? That’s hard because there are so many amazing things. But I think it’s his emotional support and physical support. It’s hard to take yourself out of what you’re going through emotionally to meet someone where they are, and he’s great at that. I also love that he’s such a child at heart. He’s silly, which is perfect for me because when my life feels like do-or-die, his humor balances things out. Sometimes I’m losing my mind, and he’ll do something crazy, and I’m like, "Ugh, babe, I love you."

You've spoken out about experiencing sexual abuse. How did it impact your relationships?

It's something that feels like it never fully leaves you. I've gotten better at managing it, though. When a thought comes up, I concentrate on letting it leave and replacing it with a new thought. Sometimes it's mental work: When you're being physical, a thought might come back and trigger you. In those moments, I try to focus on replacing the thought. But there are times when I break down, cry and let it out.

I think it's also why I've always been a long-term relationship person. Once I trust someone, those thoughts come up less often. I can't remember the last time I had those thoughts in my relationship with Mark.

Are you in the middle of wedding planning yet?

Not yet. There’s just no time right now. I’ve been filming nonstop, and it’s been really hard to focus on anything else. But I know when I do get to it, it’s going to be super creative and unique — I can’t wait to start dreaming it up.

You’re a big Britney Spears fan. Would you ever want to play her in a biopic?

Absolutely! I’ve always been a huge Britney fan, and I think her story is so powerful. She even posted about me once, saying I looked like her when I dyed my hair red. I’d love to take on that role. Just give me blue contacts and blonde hair, and I’m ready!

What’s your favorite Britney song?

Oh my God, I have to go classic: "Toxic" or "I’m a Slave 4 U." But the whole Circus album is just amazing.

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