By Deirdre Fidge
Well paint my shed and call me Barbara – what a night (sorry, every time I try to come up with Honey Badger-esque catch phrases I end up sounding like a deeply unhinged cartoon character from the 80s. It won’t happen again).
Following last night’s incredibly weird ASIO interrogation, the gals are probably feeling unsettled. What can we do to make them feel at ease?
Osher continues his streak of forcing contestants to engage in the weirdest activities ever, just so the viewing public can lean back in our couch of crumbs and laugh maniacally. This is fine. Today is a race track challenge – BLINDFOLDED. Just safe wholesome fun!
I once read that intense fear can make people feel aroused, so maybe that was the goal of this challenge? Who’s to say. Anyway, Nick barks instructions at blindfolded women who attempt to drive around cones, which is a sentence I never thought I’d have to explain and hopefully I never have to ever again.
Everyone gets a right proper chuckle from Dasha’s struggling with the ol’ gear stick, but you know what? Learning a new skill is tough and we all make mistakes. My driving instructor was a legend of a fellow who happened to have one leg. One day I asked him “do you teach manual as well?” and he stared at me for what felt like an eternity before saying deadpan: “I have one leg.”
Anyway, enough about my social ineptitude. Osher has decided to force the women to reverse their tiny cars at high speed – as fast as they can, in fact. My favourite part of this was that nobody wore a helmet.
Obviously, it’s hard for Nick to choose a winner of this traumatic day out. But he goes with Sophie and they have an awkward beer in what looks like the back of a Kmart Tyre & Auto service.
They tick off every Bachelor Bingo Card of “feelings/connection/experience/journey” etc and he gives her a rose. I tuned out and ate some tuna and rice cakes. (I rate it 5/10, wished I had Savoys.)
Meanwhile, back at the mansion it’s daylight because normal timelines don’t exist in the Bachie Universe.
Jamie-Lee is the lucky lass, much to Cass’s continual disappointment.
The best part of this show is that despite the cameras, it’s really quite a relatable depiction of dating. The activities they choose are typical things any young adult might engage in during the meeting of a potential spouse.
We’ve all encountered that one weird guy who’s really into swords, right? Maybe Nick’s one of those guys. Reeeeeally affects that initial attraction, doesn’t it.
As it turns out, Jamie-Lee’s not a huge fan of this date activity.
Luckily for her, the date also involves some sake and a chat. But unluckily for her, the chat ends up being very uncomfortable and stilted.
In true Bachie form, viewers rejoice at the awkwardness of how the date with these two doesn’t flow. We get to hoot and holler from our beanbags covered in mystery stains while checking our phones for notifications that aren’t there. Everyone wins!
Jamie-Lee returns from the date sans rose (!) and the girls do a really unconvincing job of pretending they aren’t bloody stoked about it.
During the cocktail party, Tenille is concerned she’s going to get booted (not moon-booted, that’s reserved strictly for Jamie-Lee). She just needs some good old-fashioned reassurance.
Shockingly, she isn’t fully certain if this person she’s just met and is also dating multiple women is right for her, and she might not be ready to let down her guard in front of thousands of viewers like us, screaming from our aforementioned crumb-covered beanbags.
She chooses to leave with dignity in tact, so we don’t get a rose ceremony this evening. Instead, we get a very dramatic montage of the girls’ upset reactions.
Until next time, fellow garbage-dwellers.
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