Ask Audrey: 'Help! Women won't stop hitting on my hot boyfriend'

Audrey is a mother to a 15-year-old with another on the way. She probably should have taken into account who she was marrying (Osher Günsberg) much earlier, as she’s far more comfortable behind the camera as a freelance hair and makeup artist, than a TV host’s wife who doesn’t know how to work her angles for any on-camera duties.

Audrey loves to cook, decorate cakes, gardening, DIY and is very handy with a flat-pack, few of which you would pay her to do for you, but she’d happily give it a shot for free.

Dear Audrey,

So I have an issue that may or may not be all in my head, and I want your advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for eight months and he is without a single doubt the best thing that's ever happened to me, relationship-wise.

I really feel like I struck it lucky – he's smart, kind and funny, he gets on well with my friends, he has a great job, he's everything I ever imagined my perfect boyfriend to have.

There's just one catch: he's really, really good looking! I know, this sounds like a non-problem, but it's actually causing me serious issues and it's getting worse.

When we first started seeing each other, I will admit I revelled a tiny bit in the reflected glory of good looks, because I was amazed he was interested in me, and proud of my 'catch'. But now it's wearing very thin.

Wherever we go, women look at him, and often they're not all that subtle about it. He genuinely gets double takes and stares. We'll go out for dinner and the waitress will virtually ignore me while fawning all over him. Once, we were at the supermarket and a 'yummy mummy' type literally handed him her business card and told him to call her. I am not joking.

Additionally, many of the women he works with are very attractive and very well put together, and it's doing my head in.

So my question is, how do I stop myself from a) feeling constantly jealous about the attention he gets and b) feeling nervous that he'll eventually ditch me for someone else, since he clearly has so many other options throwing themselves at him?

AUDREY’S ANSWER:

I’m truly sorry to hear that you’re feeling vulnerable with a really, really good-looking guy on your arm. You’re most certainly not the first person to have felt these emotions when in similar situations. Even I have had a similar experience in the early days of dating Osher.

To answer your question about how to keep the green-eyed monster at bay, I reckon the first place to start is with you.

For whatever reason, you’ve forgotten that your boyfriend, a kind, funny, smart guy who just happens to be really, really good looking, is into you. Not the women who are throwing themselves at him. Not the waitress who has eyes only for him and didn’t realise he was sitting at a table for two. Not the MILF who is audacious enough to give him her number right in front of you. Nope, he is into you.

When you think you’re punching above your weight, it’s very easy to slip into the “I’m not enough” mode, especially if you feel like there’s a disparity between your looks, job or whatever it is that you they have or do better than you.

I remember when Osher and I first started dating, I wasn’t so worried about it, we didn’t go out much in public and at the time, I felt really comfortable and relaxed seeing where things were heading with us. Then, once our relationship was out there for all the world to see, I became increasingly paranoid that I wasn’t girlfriend material for someone in the public eye. Preconceived ideas of what I imagined the person on Osher’s arm should look like did not match what I saw in the mirror in any way, shape or form.

It didn’t take long for that insecurity to start changing my behaviour towards him. I’d get paranoid that the ladies flirting with him at a cafe, looking far more sophisticated and interesting than I felt I looked, would eventually show him what he was missing out on, and that it would be all over red rover for us.

So, I got jealous. I’d make sly, pointed comments about how he might prefer to go over to the groomed side, or the hot side, or the downright sex-on-legs side, similar to how you’re feeling when someone is flirting with your man.

The look of confusion on his face as he earnestly tried to remind me of all the reasons I was what he was interested in, and not anyone else, turned to frustration and then downright irritation as his reassurances fell on deaf ears - and eyes. It was like I couldn’t hear or see any of the things that he was doing on a daily basis to show his interest and attraction to me.

Nothing changed until I decided, with a lot of encouragement and support from Osher, to go and seek help from my psychologist to get to the bottom of this insecurity I felt so deeply. It didn’t take long for the reasons why to show themselves, and once they were out there, able to be discussed and dismantled, was I able to start letting myself feel vulnerable to this wonderful and amazing man who’d chosen me to spend his time and affection on. I know for a fact that if I’d continued on the path of jealousy and accusations, Osher and I wouldn’t be together today.

So don’t push him away. Find someone to talk to about how you’re feeling, allow yourself to be vulnerable and get digging to find the reason behind your feelings of “not enough”.

There’s lots of resources out there, but try Relationships Australia, as they’d be able to point you in the right direction for a counsellor or psychologist who’ll hopefully be able to help you kick the green eyed monster to the kerb once and for all. Even your GP can help you with referrals and a Mental Health Plan to help cover some of the costs (we really do live in the lucky country!)

At the very least, your boyfriend will be able to see how much you value the relationship because you’re willing to put the work in to help make you feel better, and therefore the relationship even better.

And in the meantime, whenever those looks or attention get thrown your boyfriend’s way, have a little mantra to say… “yeah you’re pretty hot but he’s chosen me”. It won’t be long before it’s all water off a duck’s back and you’re feeling how you should in a relationship; loved; wanted; equal.

Do you have a question for Audrey? Send it to lifestyle.tips@verizonmedia.com

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