Yahoo Lifestyle 9 Surprising Things You Should Never, Ever Reveal About Yourself and Why, According to Psychologists
Sharing parts of yourself—including imperfect ones—can be a way to strengthen bonds. However, are there pieces of information best left in the shadows? Sometimes, yes, which may surprise people at a time when we're all a few swipes and taps away from revealing anything we want on social media.
Psychologists say that the oversharing culture seen on social media can also extend to in-real-life interactions and can be problematic.
"There are risks associated with oversharing that have to do with security and safety on a variety of different levels," says Dr. Susan Trotter, Ph.D., a relationship coach. "People may use the information against you in a myriad of ways."
A few obvious ones include your social security number and bank password. However, Dr. Trotter and other psychologists share other surprising things you should not reveal about yourself.
Before we get started, here's a quick caveat: Some of the items on this list don't need to be kept secret from literally everyone—in fact, they shouldn't. Intimate partners, healthcare proxies, therapists and sometimes law enforcement officials need to know this information to help you. So, consider this a list of things to keep secret unless your well-being—and perhaps life—depends on it.
Related: People Who Were Told They Were 'Too Sensitive' as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
9 Things to Never Reveal About Yourself, According to Psychologists
1. Overly personal financial details
You likely know to keep your bank account password private. However, other aspects of your financial well-being—positive or negative—are grayer in today's "share-everything" world.
"Financial information and issues are also generally not ideal to share with other people," Dr. Trotter says. "On a general level, people may judge you about your financial situation or feel badly if you make more than them, and this can affect the relationship."
Also, discussing financial issues, especially publicly or even the fact that you got a six-figure raise, can expose you to "exploitation or unwanted judgment," says Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a psychologist with Duality Psychological Services.
Related: 8 Things to Never Say to a New Mom, According to Deena and Kristin of 'Big Little Feelings'
2. Intimate relationship issues
Dr. Frank suggests avoiding sharing intimate relationship issues with acquaintances "to maintain privacy and prevent unnecessary gossip."
However, Dr. Trotter suggests going further and at least thinking twice before telling even a close friend.
"For example, if you have a fight with your partner and tell a close friend about it, that friend may hold onto that information long after you and your partner have resolved it," Dr. Trotter says. "If you share details of personal conversations without permission, that other person may also be upset with you about it."
For what it's worth, therapists are legally bound to keep most things you discuss private.
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3. Your sex life
Sex and the City was fiction.
"Oversharing [your sex life] with other people may make other people uncomfortable and can affect your relationship, especially if your partner is more private," Dr. Trotter explains.
4. People you dislike
Save the vent session and gossip for a journal.
"Emotions are fleeting," says Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., a psychologist. "Divulging that you despise another person can create unnecessary conflict."
You may also get pegged as a gossiper.
Related: 22 Surprising Phrases That Make You 'Instantly Unlikable,' Psychologists Warn
5. Past trauma without a trigger warning
This one can get murky, as people shouldn't feel shamed for traumas like sexual abuse. However, you'll want to consider the context carefully for yourself and others.
"Avoid discussing past traumas in casual settings to prioritize emotional safety and prevent triggering uncomfortable conversations," Dr. Frank says.
Leave it out of the workforce unless there's a reason for sharing your story, such as to report harassment in the workplace or raise awareness for your trauma at a meeting specifically designed to do so.
"Colleagues only need to know your medical and mental health background as it pertains to your professional life and work duties," says Dr. Jolie Silva, Ph.D., of New York Behavioral Health.
6. Worries and failures
These make you human but can also leave you vulnerable when shared outside a highly trusting relationship.
"Any more personal information shared about yourself—your insecurities, worries, failures—may also be an overshare if the people with whom you’re sharing it aren’t trustworthy," Dr. Trotter says. "They may subsequently use that information to judge or criticize you, manipulate you or even exploit you. That kind of information may also be used against you via gaslighting attempts if you share it with people indiscriminately."
Related: 11 Phrases To Use Instead of Automatically Agreeing With Someone—When You Actually Disagree, According to Psychologists
7. Political and religious views
Not long ago, this one would not be considered surprising. However, these days, the idea that discussing religion and politics at the dinner table is a faux pas doesn't seem to exist. Dr. Frank says that's unfortunate.
"Refrain from sharing highly controversial political or religious views to maintain respectful dialogue and prevent unnecessary conflicts," Dr. Frank says.
8. A trip you're on (while you're on it)
Unless a person is your emergency contact or watering your plants, they don't need to know where you are or how long you won't be home.
"If you post about a trip you’re on, people may see you’re away and break into your home," Dr. Trotter says. "While technology is great and social media helps us to be more connected with others, it is essential that people be cautious with what they post there."
Save the posts for a highlight carousel or album when you return.
9. Lack of self-confidence
In the same vein as No. 6, Dr. Leno recommends getting too personal about self-confidence issues.
"It's best to work on building it versus talking about it with others," Dr. Leno explains.
Related: 13 Brilliant Phrases to Respond to Unsolicited Advice, According to Mental Health Pros
How to Develop a Filter
1. Think about others
Would you want to hear this piece of information? It's a good question to ask because sharing isn't always caring.
"It is important to put yourself in your audience's shoes to determine what is the appropriate amount of personal information to reveal, how giving TMI may impact you and how it may impact them," Dr. Silva says.
Related: 'I've Been Studying Communication for 20 Years—Here Are My 7 Favorite Phrases to Keep a Conversation Going'
2. Find your why
Get to the root cause of your reason for sharing (or oversharing).
"Do you consider it TMI, or is it just your personality?" Dr. Leno suggests asking yourself. "Are you oversharing to gain acceptance or guidance? Does it really make you feel better?"
3. Practice makes progress
Do a dry run of your share.
"A quick conversation with yourself can help you effectively process your thoughts and feelings and eliminate the impulse to overshare," Dr. Leno says.
Related: 'I've Been an Etiquette Expert for Almost 20 Years—Here's the #1 Phrase to End a Conversation Without Making It Awkward'
4. Set boundaries
You may need to set limits for yourself (and others).
"Learning to set boundaries for yourself is also a way to help you avoid oversharing," Dr. Trotter says. "Saying no when people ask you information that might not be appropriate to share, pausing before sharing and giving thought to what you feel comfortable sharing if someone is pressuring you."
5. Find help
Sometimes, the reason for TMI has to do with deeply rooted trauma or other mental health issues. There's no shame in seeking professional assistance.
"If oversharing is driven by a history of trauma, impulsivity or other psychological issues, it can also be beneficial to seek professional help so you can better understand the underlying issues and learn strategies to avoid doing so," Dr. Trotter explains.
Expert Sources
Dr. Susan Trotter, Ph.D., a relationship coach
Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a psychologist with Duality Psychological Services
Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., a psychologist
Dr. Jolie Silva, Ph.D., of New York Behavioral Health
